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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad for a loan?

51 replies

thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 10:45

I'm 26 and a single mum. My landlord has decided to sell the property I'm living in and move into a new place this weekend. I need help paying the security deposit and first months rent upfront and I've had to ask my dad if I can borrow £500.

He's being a complete arse about it even though he's quite well off and knows I'm desperate. Am I being unreasonable to want my dad to help me out at times like this?

OP posts:
MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 10:48

No you not being unreasonable in asking a family member to help you. You are being unreasonable to expect him to say yes. He's not obliged to.

Nabootique · 27/01/2016 10:48

I expect some will say YABU as it isn't his responsibility, however my dad has lent me money in times of difficulty (and he's not particularly well off). He offered. He wanted to help. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to help your child if they were in need!

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 10:49

Sorry left out the are.

LIZS · 27/01/2016 10:50

Is it really a loan though, when would you repay it?

Katenka · 27/01/2016 10:51

It depends on his reason for saying no.

Yanbu to ask. Yabu to assume he should say yes.

I often wonder what the other point of view in these threads are.

If he is usually a good father, he must have his reasons.

If he usually an arse, you can't be surprised he said no.

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 10:51

That's exactly what I was thinking LIZS.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 27/01/2016 10:51

Yanbu, he's your dad and if you can't turn to your parents for help then who can you. If he can afford it then he's being really mean by not helping you out.

Oldraver · 27/01/2016 10:52

Its perfectly reasonable to ask, and if it were me, then this is the type of thing I would help my DC's with.

Though its up to him whether he helps you.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 10:56

I would definitely pay him back. I've said I'll pay him £100 a month for the next 5 months. I'm really stuck if he says no.

He used to be a decent dad but since my mum died 2 years ago all he cares about is his new girlfriend.

OP posts:
SaggingTits · 27/01/2016 11:00

Have you been to the council? They can help with deposits, or properties. People will say yabu to expect it but I think most people would help their child. Unless you haven't paid him back previously?

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 11:09

I've checked but my local council don't offer any schemes unfortunately.

The last time I borrowed money from him was when I was at university and I paid him back. It makes me feel like shit having to ask him but I have no other choice. My ex, dd's dad, has already helped as much as he can so I can't ask him.

All I know is that I would always help dd if she needed money and I was in a position to do so.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 27/01/2016 11:18

That's got to be horrible.
I asked my dad for loads more than that at the weekend and he's so lovely it's just a 'yes' immediately.
And I'm nearing 50!!!
Keep at him and hope he comes through for you.
Family are meant to help and support each other if they can.

CrystalMcPistol · 27/01/2016 11:21

YANBU

Shakey15000 · 27/01/2016 11:29

Oh YANBU. I'm sorry he's being an arse Thanks

MissFlight · 27/01/2016 11:39

Yanbu, I hope he helps you Flowers

WMittens · 27/01/2016 11:47

I've said I'll pay him £100 a month for the next 5 months. I'm really stuck if he says no.

Is there no security deposit coming back from your current rental that would cover it in a month or so?

PoppyFleur · 27/01/2016 11:52

No YANBU, if at any point in the future I could help my child I would. Hope your dad comes through for you.

shebird · 27/01/2016 11:56

YANBU If he can afford it and you are willing to pay it back then why on earth would you want to see your DD and DGC go through such hardship Flowers

Chattymummyhere · 27/01/2016 11:58

Yanbu

I really dislike parents who are in a secure enough position to help their children (if the children have a good track record of paying back loans) just refusing over something as important as housing.

My parents don't have the money to help but even a simple thing like a freezer defrosting and they are round helping, would give you their last £20 for more food.

jonquil1 · 27/01/2016 12:01

Like others, I really hope he comes through for you, especially as you've come up with a repayment plan.500.00 and he won't help? Christ on a bikeShock

Reality is, tho, the new lady friend seems to have him in her thrall and she may be pulling his stringsSad

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 12:02

Talk to your bank. See if you can get a loan.

Trickydecision · 27/01/2016 12:02

No, YANBU but your dad certainly is. Chattymummy sums it up very well, as does HellsBells.

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/01/2016 12:04

YANBU at all. If he couldn't afford it, that would be different, but he can, and I'd like to think most parents would help their DC at times like this, especially when you've offered a repayment plan.

Could you possibly get an overdraft or extend your current one and use that, and then pay it back when you get the security deposit from your current rental back?

harshbuttrue1980 · 27/01/2016 12:39

Families should help each other if they can, although it is important that you do pay it back.

I'm a bit puzzled though - yesterday there was a thread on here from someone who's parent wanted to borrow money for housing costs and she didn't want to lend it. Everyone on MN agreed that she shouldn't lend it. people should always help family if they can, AS LONG AS the family member being helped doesn't take the piss, e.g. not paying the money back, being totally irresponsible etc.

witsender · 27/01/2016 12:45

I remember that thread. The people being asked didn't have the money, and the parents had form. As well as access to money elsewhere, this is very different.

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