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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad for a loan?

51 replies

thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 10:45

I'm 26 and a single mum. My landlord has decided to sell the property I'm living in and move into a new place this weekend. I need help paying the security deposit and first months rent upfront and I've had to ask my dad if I can borrow £500.

He's being a complete arse about it even though he's quite well off and knows I'm desperate. Am I being unreasonable to want my dad to help me out at times like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 12:47

I can't extend it any further unfortunately or I would. I just can't believe that my own dad is refusing to help me. When my mum was alive she didn't have much money but she always, always helped me out when I needed it and my dad just let her even though he had so much more money than she did. He's ignoring my texts now so it's not looking good Sad

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 27/01/2016 12:52

Do you know what op thats awful.He really should be ashamed of himself.I hope you remember this when he is after something.

Even if he didnt want to do it for you,he should want to help out his gc.

SaggingTits · 27/01/2016 12:53

In that case the council will have to help you with housing. They wont do anything until the day of the repossession though, and it will probably be temporary accommodation (b&b or flat) until something permanent comes up.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 13:23

He's finally replied saying..

'I'm not happy about this at all. I shouldn't have to fund your life. (dd's name)'s dad should be providing for things like this, it's his responsibility - it's about time you stood on your own two feet. You pay me back asap.'

Fucking hell.

OP posts:
CrystalMcPistol · 27/01/2016 13:27

So he's lending you the money albeit extremely ungraciously?

He sounds like a tosser quite frankly.

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 13:32

Thank him and do as he asks.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/01/2016 13:35

Well isn't he a delight!?
But he is going to lend it to you so just thank him profusely and do as you planned with paying him back.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 13:39

He is a tosser.

I'm obviously relieved and grateful that he is lending me the money but does he really have to be like that?!

It's hilarious that he says it's time that I stood on my own two feet considering he practically cut me out of his life after my mum died. I hate the way he talks about my ex as well. He helps me so much with child maintenance etc and he would lend me the money in a heartbeat if he had it.

OP posts:
Nabootique · 27/01/2016 13:52

Christ on a bike! How dare he lend it but with that attitude. He must know it pains you to ask and you don't actually WANT to borrow money, and that he is making you feel worse? It must be an anxious time for you as well OP.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex. I'm glad you have some support from someone.

redexpat · 27/01/2016 14:05

Thank him, then never ever ask him again.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 14:17

Yeah he'll enjoy using this against me in the future despite knowing how crap it must make me feel. I'm never going to ask him for anything again after this. I can't wait to pay him back.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 27/01/2016 14:27

Asking someone you have such a volatile relationship with for money was ever going to end well.

He might be your Dad but it doesn't sound like he is at all supportive and you know he'll use it against you.

TBH I'd have gone down the pay day loan route or pretty much any other route rather than asking him.

The fact he has the money doesn't mean he should lend it to you and if your relationship is as strained as it sounds it's not surprising he doesn't want to.

It's done now though - good luck with the move.

CrystalMcPistol · 27/01/2016 14:30

If you suspect he's going to use this loan as an excuse to nip at you in future give him an extra £20 with the fifth payment and inform him that that's far more interest he's gained in five months than he'd have have got from his savings account.

Do whatever you have to do put some savings by (I know it can be hard) so you never have to put yourself in this position again.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 14:43

It's not a volatile relationship Bear. It's more the fact that we're very, very different people and have completely opposite opinions on most things. We see each other every 2 or 3 weeks, mainly so that he can spend time with dd. When he met his new gf I saw his true colours but I never said anything because I didn't want the hassle. However I still hoped he would be happy to help me and dd secure this house without making me feel even worse.

Once I've moved and settled in the new house I'm going to do everything I can to get back on track financially.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 27/01/2016 15:04

I think he's being harsh - if you are sensible with money generally and this situation isn't your fault then I don't know why he needs to have such an attitude about it. Why would a parent want their DC to suffer for something that's not their doing and see them homeless?

However, do you not stand on your own two feet? You mention your mum always having to lend you money before she passed. I think you may need to accept that your dad isn't going to be your financial buffer anymore (at least not without giving you jip about it first), so try and cut down any spending you can to save even a tiny bit per month.

PS - your ex doesn't "help you out with maintenance", that's his legal obligation to pay for his child, so don't feel indebted to him for that Flowers

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 15:31

Sorry I should have worded it better. It was rare that my mum had to lend me any money but when I did need to borrow some for whatever reason she would always help when she could. I've always been very, very independent and have worked since I was 15. My dad's parents never had the money to help him out and he's always resented them for that even though it's obviously not their fault. I think he's putting his own issues on to me. This is the first time in years and years I've had to ask for his help.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 27/01/2016 15:34

In that case, I think he sounds like a bit of an arse. No, he's not obligated to help, but why would someone not want to help their child out of a hole? What would he rather?

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 15:36

He thinks he's 'teaching me a lesson' (his words) by not helping me. I'm 26 not 13!!

OP posts:
MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 16:00

So is he helping your or not?

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 16:00

Helping you

MercedesDR · 27/01/2016 16:04

Although I don't have any kids myself, lots of my friends do. From what I have been told by some of them, their offspring think that their parents are loaded.

That is not always the case.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 17:07

He's not loaded but I know for a fact that he wouldn't miss £500 for 5 weeks.

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 27/01/2016 17:08

Well if it's the first time in years and years and you are 26 then YANBU to ask and be a put out at the way he's reacted.

Original poster
thehillshaveyes · 27/01/2016 21:32

I feel really upset and guilty about it but what other choice do I have? He was planning on coming round this evening to see dd but he cancelled. He's clearly not happy.

OP posts:
Wineandchovolateneededasap · 27/01/2016 22:40

I'm glad he's helping you and feel your pain. I know my dad is under no obligation to help me but I had a really tricky situation two years ago involving a delay in my wages, I had no spare cash at all. My dad owns seven large properties and has three businesses but refused to lend me one months rent, that I could pay back in full in a month and told me to a) sell my kitchen appliances Hmm b) move to a bedsit (with children) or c) get a payday loan. I had to get a payday loan which meant paying back 3 times what I borrowed.

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