to not want to feel humiliated for asking for the morning after pill?

[byebyebirdy]

Had an incident last night with newish boyfriend where the condom split - after a panicky night lesson is well and truly learnt, I'm going to sort out going on the pill asap.

So this morning I search out the nearest open pharmacy and head on down. Not once have I needed the MAP before but I've heard the stories through friends/online about how some pharmacists can be a bit arsy about giving it.

Pharmacy is at a busy supermarket. I go to the counter and (quietly) ask the assistant, who goes round the back to where the pharmacist is. I hear her tell him what I'm asking for. His response is a loud "WHAT!" and a laugh. He tells her to tell me the price (I know its not free), assistant comes back to tell me then goes back to tell him I'm fine with that.

Pharmacist then appears, guy in his late 50s I think, stands in front of me grinning and says in a loud voice "have you had the MAP before?". I tell him no. Theres other customers now waiting to be served by the assistant so I'm starting to feel a bit red around the face.

Pharmacist then spends a few minutes fiddling with the door to the consultation room and takes me inside. Gives me the 'chat' about the MAP, asks me lots of questions - fair enough but the tone of his voice and the way he phrased the questions made me feel pretty ashamed. During this chat hes holding some leaflets about sexual health etc and tosses them into my shopping basket when hes done. He warns me to be much more careful next time.

Come out of the consultation room feeling so embarrassed, pay and flee the area. Felt like a slag quite frankly. Was I being too sensitive?

Totally out of order. Complain, he shouldn't get away with it. I too MAP day after my wedding. Ooops, shit happens.

It's possible to give you information leaflets and advice without making you feel bad. I have been asked questions by kind female staff when asking for thrush treatment etc and they lowered their voices and asked in a "just making sure you're aware that ... xyz" kind of way that showed they recognised I was an adult.

I've also had the MAP, before it was over-the-counter, aged 21, when I definitely was quite young and foolish and shagging around big style. (I will not say I was a slag because that's wrong, but the kind of thing that might see me labelled a slag by others) I was treated with the utmost respect and kindness by the medical staff I saw. They told me all about side effects and safe sex and I explained I had been using condoms but had a mishap, which they took on board.

There are plenty of people, male and female who will act judgey and arsey about this kind of thing and I also think there are misogynist men who will always make women feel bad if they can. I know exactly what you mean about being made to feel like a slag and deliberately made to feel embarrassed. I can just imagine it and I think you know when you have a man like that on your hands.

It takes two to have a condom mishap and the man doesn't have to go and get a pill. Anyone who lectures a woman in that situation to be much more careful is a sexist twunt. It might have been the man not being careful. It was in my case (his first time, he didn't know how to take it out safely).

I'd write the store a detailed letter about how he made you feel OP, and don't suggest it was you being oversensitive.

Hope all is going well with taking it.

AyeAmarok I agree with you on both points - that we're crossed points (apologies) and about the original point about the pharmacist.

I feel fine thanks boogers. Tired - which I know is a big side effect. I'll have a think about how I want to take this forward.

Definitely complain. He could easily have asked "have you taken this medication before?" and the comment about being more careful is really rude - he doesn't know your situation and has no right to be judgemental regardless! I'm not normally someone who complains in shops but I would write a strongly worded letter personally!

I would definitely report him.

He needs more customer service training.

The knob.

He sounds like a massive arsehole. Please complain. Next time it could be a young girl that decides to walk away due to his manner.

Sounds grim OP, good for you being sensible. Go somewhere else next time (or better still, sort out your pill, meant in the nicest way). You deserve to be treated better than that.

Sleep might be best for now. Compose your letter over tomorrow and if you send it then fine, and if you don't send it then also fine, but it's no one else's business but yours why you needed the MAP and no one should ever judge you or make you feel uncomfortable about asking for it.

That is not normal treatment, I've asked for it in a foreign country which is predominantly Muslim as the pharmacist probably was and was treated with the utmost respect. You should definitely complain, if it was big supermarket beginning with 's' though it wouldn't surprise me.

Very unprofessional and discourteous. Complain.

OP complain. Imagine if his next victim customer is an 18yo woman who has been raped. Or a woman of any age in an abusive situation.

Women deserve medical care and should not be bullied or treated demeaningly when accessing it. You sound confident enough to complain and have him put right, before he hurts some more vulnerable woman, so please do.

I think that this guy believes he is getting across to you that casual sex is wrong, etc., etc. kind of like a moral lecture but he is still forced by law to provide you with the medication so he makes sure he lets you know what he really thinks by his tone, etc.

Personally, we all have our personal beliefs, but he acted very unprofessionally, and was unkind to you, he basically made fun of you and condescended to you as if you were morally inferior. Try not to let it bother you too much, he embarrassed you and he didn't have to do that. He shouldn't have done that. He should have been discreet and treated you kindly, that would have been the gentlemanly, and professional, thing to do.

And don't let anybody tell you you're being fucking over sensitive. What a load of misogynist bs. Any pharmacist who says "what?!" And laughs in response to a prescription request, esp loud enough for the patient to hear, should not be in the job.

Wow that's unprofessional I needed to go to the pharmacy for MAP with my bf (now DH!) when we were 17. They actually look us into a private room and offered us advice in confidence. It never occurred to me that a pharmacy could be so insensitive! What if you were a sexual assault victim??

I had to get the MAP once, in the days when you had to get it from your GP. It was really awkward and did not make me feel very confident about doing it again (luckily dh has now had a vasectomy so it's not an issue). In fact it made me feel reluctant to see his again full stop really. Later on I found out he was anti abortion which I think was probably behind his judgmental manner.

If you feel able to make a complaint I think it would be a good idea, because you won't be the only woman he's made feel bad.

What RevoltingPeasant said. Absolutely.

YANBU. I had a bad experience although not as bad as yours. I had to get the map the day after me and dp had done the deed for only the second time in our very new relationship. The condom split and we were both mortified and definitely not ready for a baby so early on. So the very next morning off to the nearest chemist we went.

I was 18 at the time and despite me telling her repeatedly the woman kept making a point about the importance of using protection and gave the impression that she didn't believe me when I had said the condom splits it got on my wick at the time because It's embarrassing enough as it is getting the MAP without people getting on their night horse over it, especially when you're paying through the nose for it, and it was the first time I had used it so it's not like I had a 'track record' so to speak.

I didn't complain at the time but I think you should, sounds like a humiliating experience for you.

Oops, excuse the grammatical and spelling errors in that post.

Spud I had exactly the same experience. Or almost. I was 19, at uni, in a serious relationship but not ready to settle down yet. Condom split, and I accessed MAP as soon as I could.

I was treated like an irresponsible idiot and it made me so cross. It still does. Does anyone think men accessing vasectomies are talked to like this?

YANBU, his attitude was shit.
You can tell that because he had an attitude. the loud comments, the laugh, all totally unprofessional.
None of the other customers should have been aware of why you were there. If you had asked for a private chat about your piles and got this result, it would perhaps be more clear to people why its not on.
I would complain in writing to the manager.

Any contraception can fail. Its not your fault if it does and you shouldnt be judged in a negative way for it.

Complain. You have nothing to be ashamed of. A pharmacist and a grown man should be able to do his job discreetly and professionally without acting like a sniggering child and embarrassing you in front of other customers. Also his comment to be more careful was inappropriate as sometimes contraception can fail no matter how careful you are and he shouldn't have made you feel bad for being responsible and seeking back up contraception.

YANBU. He should not have asked you about MAP in a loud voice in front of other customers and in doing so he breached the guidelines pharmacists are obliged to stick to:

www.pharmacyregulation.org/sites/default/files/Guidance%20on%20Confidentiality_April%202012.pdf

Complain.

Yanbu about the pharmacist but Yabu about using the word 'slag' and apparently not understanding why it's an issue.

I had a similar experience when I was about 19. Condom split. It was back in the days when you had to see a dr. Dr made feel really bad. He implied I was lying that I had used a condom at all.