To sometimes think I wouldn't be able to cope alone

[zeezeek]

Have been married for 25 years and with him for nearly 30 now. Prior to DH I was engaged to someone else, so haven't really had much time on my own.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day - she's been divorced a couple of times and is currently on her own after a fairly long relationship ended. We were talking about how important it is for women to be independent and not depend on a man and she laughed at me and said (quite rightly) that I wouldn't know because I hadn't actually been single for more than a year or so since I was 16. I'm nearly 50 now. My first thought was that she was wrong, that I am totally independent: I earn my own money and have never been dependent on a man for money, I work away a lot and travel at least once a month all on my own.

But then I started to think about it and realised that she's right: I've never actually had to cope on my own. Even when I've been working away for up to 3 months I know that DH has always been on the end of a phone and could fly out to me if needed. Now feel spoilt and also starting to worry what I'm doing to do if (when) my much older DH dies and I really am left all alone....

[Backingvocals]

Are your children starting to become independent? Perhaps you are emerging from the surprise and then the chaos and the all encompassing nature of DCs and starting to glimpse a future you, subconsciously. And it's preying on your mind.
I'm spending a lot of time thinking about life when the DCs have gone. I think it's a midlife thing. I'm a single parent so the house will be empty. I think subconsciously my mind is already thinking ahead and preparing me.

[QuietWhenReading]

madam you are quite right it's not the same. But that doesn't mean that if you've never done that you couldn't do it, nor that you shouldn't enjoy a good relationship in case it doesn't last.

zee I wonder if you are just feeling a little nostalgic for what you life could have been if you'd taken a different path. We all feel that we sometimes.

Enjoy your lovely husband, your children and grandchildren. Prepare for the future in any way that seem practical but don't borrow trouble.

We can none of us change the past or predict the future. All we can do is find happiness for today and be thankful for what we have.

[Ginkypig]

zeek

All I'm going to say is you'll suprise yourself if it happens, and you'll be surprised what you can cope with.

I remember having a conversation with a friend glibly saying oy yes if I ever lost my dad (who was healthy, and I thought his death would be yars away) I'd just be devestated, id never get over it etc. little did I know 3 weeks after that conversation my dad would be dead! It was hideously awful but I got through and 10 years later it still hurts but I'm still here and somehow managed!

The point is until your in a situation you won't know but the fact you've considered it means you can put thing in place within yourself and on a more practical level (bills etc) to have the skills and tools in place so you will cope.

[Ginkypig]

Having said all that though.

Enjoy who you've got while you have them and don't focus on their dying because you'll ruin the time you do have and if my story above doesn't teach you that you never know!

[rosewithoutthorns]

I've been on my own most of my life OP and pride myself on my independence and love my life but I secretly wished I had what you've got. Take no notice of her.

[rosewithoutthorns]

Forgot to write...

You'll cope. The love you have now with your partner will help you do that.

[FreshHorizons]

It happens to people all the time, generally one of the partners die first and however badly prepared the other one is they cope. They have no choice.