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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Helpful neighbour or quite creepy?

40 replies

Geum · 22/01/2016 10:02

On reasonable terms with NDN - look after pets and gardens when we're each away, take in parcels - that sort of thing, but wouldn't say best friends. Also have each other's keys - handy as we both have teenagers and being locked out isn't unusual. Yesterday I worked from home, nipped out for half an hour and when I came back a parcel had been left in the middle of my lounge floor - not a particularly big parcel that you wouldn't want in your own house for a while and not tucked just inside the front door either. AIBU and he was being helpful or is it creepy to let yourself into someone else's house like that? At home again today and feeling a bit vulnerable and have dropped the latch on the door!

OP posts:

Griphook · 22/01/2016 10:05

I think it's helpful, maybe they were going out, so thought it would be easier for you to have it now rather than wait

cjt110 · 22/01/2016 10:07

Hmmm, I would have kept it. Definitely just put in the hallway if I decided to drop it in. That's what our consierge does. I'd be very freaked if I found it in my lounge

potoftea · 22/01/2016 10:08

Not creepy exactly but certainly a bit invasive of your privacy. I'd hate that.
I have the keys of 2 friends houses, and they mine. We'd never use them unless discussed in advance, but if I really had to drop off something to them, at most I'd open door and leave it in hall without stepping inside.
I would feel very uncomfortable in your case, but too timid to say anything, so I'd probably change the lock and never give them new key! Brave option obviously.

deepdarkwood · 22/01/2016 10:10

I would personally think that is a step too far ... but I can imagine there would be logical reasons as others have said. I would say something non confrontational next time you see them 'Thanks so much for the parcel ... but I must say it gave me quite a fright to for a moment as I couldn't think who'd been in the house! Next time, please don't worry - just hang onto it and I'll come and pick it up when I'm home. Less chance of me having nightmares about people creeping into my house (friendly wink)"

TheHouseOnTheLane · 22/01/2016 10:15

Bit weird. Ask for the keys back. You'll never feel comfy now no matter what you do.

Gobbolino6 · 22/01/2016 10:16

It's a bit invasive. You could have been in the bath or something.

VagueIdeas · 22/01/2016 10:17

That's inappropriate. Having a key doesn't give you the right to let yourself in whenever you want, especially for something non-urgent like dropping off a parcel.

Scarletforya · 22/01/2016 10:20

I wouldn't be comfortable with that neighbor having my house key. I think that was creepy, just weird.

Leelu6 · 22/01/2016 10:22

If he displays no creepy behaviour then I think it's unreasonable to see this as creepy.

It is a little bit invasive, I agree.

Just tell him that you don't want to put him to the trouble of bringing parcels into the house and to just give you a shout and you will come and pick up the parcel.

How do you give him his parcels?

GreenTomatoJam · 22/01/2016 10:22

Dunno - I think that in the living room maybe a bit weird, but I can understand just dropping it in the hall rather than going through the kerfuffle of waiting for you to come round and get it/bringing it round to you - especially if I was going to be out that evening or something.

Mouseinahole · 22/01/2016 10:29

I'd have put it just inside the door.

wickedwaterwitch · 22/01/2016 10:33

Weird I think.

LurkingHusband · 22/01/2016 10:34

I wouldn't be comfortable with that neighbor having my house key.

This.

Wasn't there a thread where a poster wrote their NDN had been in, lit candles, and started commenting on how things were laid in in the house ?

I wonder what would happen if you surreptitiously changed the locks ?

Original poster

Geum · 22/01/2016 10:48

Blimey lighting candles - now that is weird. DH wants to change the locks as he thinks it's much too invasive. I'm here alone a lot and don't always hear the bell depending where I am in the house - so could have been very embarrassing! I would never let myself in their house uninvited but think he was trying to be helpful although has now made me feel really unsettled.

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 22/01/2016 10:48

It's really odd.

In London we had the NDN keys on both sides, but we all still took a parcel into our own homes and then rang/dropped it round.

Having people's keys doesn't mean you can drop in any time you fancy.

Being asked to go in and feed the cat/flowers when someone's away, is totally different.

Eliza22 · 22/01/2016 10:49

Odd.

He could have left it just inside the doorway/hall. Not sure how you deal with it though. Perhaps you might casually say that there's no need to bring stuff into your home....if they're not happy t take in a parcel til you return, just let the delivery man keep it and you can always collect it from the depot/post office (accompanied by a bright smile).

I would NOT like what he did.

lydiarose · 22/01/2016 10:52

My NDN does this if we're not in and I like it. I don't think it's creepy - it's convenient. I'm sure he wouldn't come in to our house for any other reason when we're out. I guess it comes down to trust.

Goingtobeawesome · 22/01/2016 10:57

Whatever the reason they put it in the lounge - though if it is quite big then maybe they thought it would block the hallway? - you feel uncomfortable so good enough reason to change the locks or just ask for the key back. You don't have to tell them why or give a reason but you could say you need to lend it to someone if you feel you need to say something.

Hoppinggreen · 22/01/2016 11:01

me and our ndn have each other's keys and feeds pets etc.
I have often taken in parcels for them and picked one up the other day that had been left on their doorstep and I was worried it might get stolen as it was obviously wine.
However, I wouldn't never let myself in unless their alarm is going off and if tht happens I text them to tell them I'm going in.
I think your neighbour may or may not be creepy but I would be very uncomfortable with what he has done

wowfudge · 22/01/2016 11:05

Get your DP to have a word - it is creepy.

lorelei9 · 22/01/2016 11:08

At the very least, it shows no respect at all for fairly obvious boundaries.

if you have each other's keys, you must have mobile numbers - why on earth wouldn't they drop a text saying about the parcel?

I've only ever given a trusted neighbour a key while I was actually away - I get it back when I return.

if you are really on those kind of terms that you would drift in and out of each other's homes without asking, then less weird - but then you wouldn't post here would you?

Vaginaaa · 22/01/2016 11:09

Definitely creepy. What if you were occupied and couldn't answer the door? You could have been having a nice poo or something. Keys should be for emergency only scenarios. I'd get locks changed.

lorelei9 · 22/01/2016 11:09

cjt - can't help noticing you mentioned a concierge, do they have a key to your house?

crispytruffle · 22/01/2016 11:17

I think this is a step too far. I'd say you need the spare key back, say you've lost your spare one and haven't got time to get one cut until the weekend or something. Then I wouldn't give it back to him!

Katarzyna79 · 22/01/2016 11:19

I wouldnt give anyone my keys unless i was in dire need thats weird to me. What u mentioned OP only u know if its weird since u should know their characters well if u fe confident enough to entrust them in first place?

So actions msy just be helpful not creepy or vice versa

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