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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Helpful neighbour or quite creepy?

40 replies

Geum · 22/01/2016 10:02

On reasonable terms with NDN - look after pets and gardens when we're each away, take in parcels - that sort of thing, but wouldn't say best friends. Also have each other's keys - handy as we both have teenagers and being locked out isn't unusual. Yesterday I worked from home, nipped out for half an hour and when I came back a parcel had been left in the middle of my lounge floor - not a particularly big parcel that you wouldn't want in your own house for a while and not tucked just inside the front door either. AIBU and he was being helpful or is it creepy to let yourself into someone else's house like that? At home again today and feeling a bit vulnerable and have dropped the latch on the door!

OP posts:

magimedi · 22/01/2016 11:23

I have neighbours keys & vice versa. I would never let myself into their house unless asked to or if I saw a fire or some other dire emergency.

briss · 22/01/2016 11:25

I'd change the locks and not tell him.

Then if he mentions it you know he's tried to get in!

Vaginaaa · 22/01/2016 11:43

I'm always amused when people say they get the spare key back or to get it back. Some people are odd and copy your keys! If someone is creepy enough for you to need your key back, don't assume they aren't creepy enough to build a neighbour key collection

LurkingHusband · 22/01/2016 11:46

It takes 30 seconds to change the barrel on a modern uPVC door lock ...

(we had to do it after MiL went postal) ...

lorelei9 · 22/01/2016 11:50

Vaginaa, yes, I know what you mean but the only neighbour to whom I've given my key is a friend anyway so I figured I'd take the chance.

It's now the case that no one has keys except my parents - I take the view if the fire brigade have to break down the door in an emergency, I'll have to live with it. (This is after moving, so no longer in the same locality as the person who had a key before).

I don't really trust many people enough to give them a key and most of my friends live nowhere near.

dustarr73 · 22/01/2016 11:51

I think its weird,if they where leaving the parcel in the house,surely the hallway would suffice.

Just makes me think they are dropping in willy nilly in to your house when you are not there.Take the key back and change locks.

KirstyJC · 22/01/2016 12:02

Is it possible that the NDN is going to be away for a while? Maybe he didn't want you to have to wait ages for your parcel? Although he ought to have left a note with it in that case.

Maybe just tell him - "thanks for the parcel but please don't just pop in anymore, the key is really for emergencies and I don't feel comfortable with you coming in unexpectedly".

If you don't feel that you can have that conversation with him then he shouldn't have a key anyway - that should only be for people you trust and can be honest with.

And yes, it is creepy!

Twinklefuck · 22/01/2016 12:04

I guess it depends how close/friendly you are.

My three neighbours opposite all have keys to each other's houses (1,2&3), when 1 isn't in I see 2 lugging baskets of wet washing in and out and I often see 1 parking on 3's drive when they've driven away in their camper and leaving early in the morning, using their lawnmower etc, 3 does all 1&2's diy and walks their dogs when they're out.

They're all so bonkers lovely, I was wondering on whether to get in on it, my dryer packed up ages ago and I have some shelves I could with someone putting up.

Original poster

Geum · 22/01/2016 12:21

He was out when I returned but soon came back. The parcel contained shoes - standard size, not clown's so not a big package. He works but not long/regular hours and can seem a bit bored and a busybody when not working. However, his wife is lovely and I really wouldn't want to upset or offend her. The dropping in Willy nilly is a definite concern.

OP posts:

StayWithMe · 22/01/2016 12:29

Maybe he thought you were in and when he realised you weren't just left the parcel. Or maybe he was hoping to find you in the nudey.

Is it possible they sent one of the kids round with the parcel and they were just just silly and didn't think? If your kids are friends and visit each other I can, kinda, see how this would happen.

If there's been no boundary pushing before, then I would stop getting your knickers in a twist and let it go. By all means if a similar thing happens then simply tell them that you prefer they don't use the keys unless you need them too. You could make it light hearted if talking to the wife and say you would be afraid of them walking in while you're in robe with a face mask on. I'm sure she'll understand.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/01/2016 12:34

Not necessarily creepy, but a bit disrespectful of conventional boundaries. I have keys to two sets of neighbours houses and I would count them among my closest friends (as well as helping out with lost teenager keys and pet feeding) but I would hate it if they used the keys to let themselves into my house to drop off a parcel, or for any other reason other than an emergency. They wouldn't do it, either, and nor would I do similar to them.

Why has a pp suggested your dp "has a word". Presumably you can speak for yourself?

dustarr73 · 22/01/2016 12:51

I would say that you where surprised too find the parcel in the sittingroom.And see what he says and take your cue from there.

DextersMistress · 22/01/2016 12:57

Is it possible that ndn asked one of their teenagers to bring the parcel round (thinking you were in) and teenager misunderstood and took your keys?

Straws

Strangertides1 · 22/01/2016 13:01

To drop off a parcel when you're not away is to invasive too me, especially leaving it in the lounge and not even by the front door. Next time you see the neighbour I would say 'thanks for dropping it off, don't worry next I will knock for it after work'. If it happened again change the locks.

Kirkenes · 22/01/2016 13:20

It's a bit weird but not awful. He might have been going out later or may not like it when you knock for a parcel in the evening.
If you trust him I would just tell him that you don't want him coming in unless it's an emergency or pre arranged. Just tell him you don't like it. There is no need for it to be a big deal.

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