Choosing the family car

[YellowTulips]

So I genuinely don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not, so I thought I’d ask the MN jury and take the feedback on the chin!
So a bit of back story here which I’ll try and keep as brief as possible.
I love cars, always have (legacy of being an only child with a car obsessed father). DH on the other hand, whilst a keen biker, can appreciate a nice car, but ultimately can’t get overly excited or enthused about them.

We’ve been married 13 years and for the first 8 had only one car (mine obviously) which I chose and paid for. We really had a tacit agreement that I had control over cars and him over his bikes (though to a mutually agreed budget in both cases).

Then 5 years ago it became clear we need a 2nd car for a number of reasons. My car was still the “family car” but we bought a second hand Mini Cooper S as DH’s car – mainly for when he needed to be out and about with the kids. All fine and everyone happy.
Then DH changed jobs which meant he was doing long distance travel, which happened to coincide with the timing of me changing my car. So we had a re-think and traded in my car and the Mini and the “family car” for DH whilst I indulged myself (I admit it) on a 2 seater sports car. I chose “my” car and we mutually agreed on the family car.
So now the (very first world) dilemma. We want to replace DH’s car (mine is fine, I love it and the mileage is low). However we can’t agree what to get. My view is that “his” car is the “family” car and that given I have to drive it a lot (as mine is a 2 seater, so pretty much whenever I take the kids somewhere) then I should have equal say in what we get, even if nominally its “his” car (and he still gets to choose his motorbikes!). His view is that it’s “his” car and he should ultimately decide what (nice but boring as he doesn’t get enthused about cars) we get and the fact I have to drive it lots is just a consequence of me choosing a 2 seater for my car.

I appreciate it’s not the worst problem in the world and we are lucky to be able to talk (argue) about a new car. That said am I being unreasonable? Should he have full say over the car or should it be a joint decision? Thanks in advance

Cars/bikes are bought from savings.

As I said up thread we've always jointly agreed budgets whether it be his car/bike or my car. There's no argument about that.

We earn pretty much the same (within 2k a year) so from a finance POV it's all equitable.

I think you were a bit selfish picking a two seater and now it's your turn to suck it up.

I agree your 2 seater = his bikes. If he didn't have the bikes then yabu but since you both have your own non-family transportation the family car should be a joint decision.

YANBU

DH = Motorbike, his decision
OP = Sporty number, her decision
Family car = joint decision.

Yes he can park!

He's actually a really good driver (I hate to admit he thrashed me on a track day ) it's just that bikes are his passion (hence having 2 - one "posh" £18k one and a 5 year old second bike he uses in bad weather to keep the other one in mint condition).

Oh, he's got 2 bikes?

That makes you even less unreasonable!

If he's got 20 grand's worth of bikes, it's a little different.

I suggest a Jag because we're thinking of one and you could road test it for me.

Sell everything. Get 2 identical Focuses/Golfs/Astras. No one's happy, but fairness can not be denied.

I think seeing as he has the bikes yanbu.

I wish someone would choose a car for us, dp and I are both deeply uninterested...

Maybe that's the answer bikerunski!

I think I'll chat with him again tonight and say I am really anti the 4x4 and feel quite strongly about that, but if he is willing to get a saloon/coupe I'll butt out and let him choose what he wants.

Ah, £20k of bikes. Joint decision. Apologies.

Ive only ever had brand new cars (since Sept '09 anyway). 4x4s. I change them yearly, and lose about 8-10k a year on them.

Last month I got utterly bored of car shopping, so I sold up and bought myself a 13 year old Volvo V70 with almost 200k on the clock. I LOVE IT. It was a grand to buy, £53 for full singing and dancing breakdown cover, and did I mention that I LOVE IT?

Im not sure of the relevance of my post. But I think everyone should drop the idea of buying 'good' cars, as they are all a bunch of fucking crap that gets you from A to B, and buy a Volvo.

So let DH buy what he wants, as long as its a Volvo.

Thing is my high up car is great because if my back problems. I can't even get into DH's at the mo'.

I'm not anti 4x4 in total - my boss has one like the poster above because of a back issue. I get that.

It's just we have no reason at all to have one.

My view is that they cost more to buy and run than their saloon equivalent and they don't handle or perform as well.

If you need a 4x4 then I can see those are compromises you'd be willing to make, but I don't really understand why he wants one when there's no real upside in our case.

What does he like about 4x4s? The one good thing they have going for them is that their tallness can give extra interior space. (If the seat is higher relative to the the floor it means your knee can bend more, lower leg being more vertical means less horizontal space needed, hence overall horizontal space savings.) However you can get that in a modern hatchback without all the other 4x4 baggage. For example the "Golf Sportsvan" is a Golf that has been stretched upwards, so presumably has this advantage.

Admittedly I doubt anyone buys 4x4s purely for horizontal space savings.

It does feel like it should be a shared decision.

What about a large estate like a Passat or an A4? Just as roomy and with as much presence as a 4x4 but sufficiently car like to still be enjoyable to drive.

I agree YANBU because of the bikes/sportscar thing. Family car should thus be a joint decision.

What does he want in a 4x4?

If it's the traction, the dh's Octavia estate has 4x4 traction as an optional extra, which he can turn on when needed, but the car is essentially a family estate.

Get him to think about width. Some roads in London have deliberate width restrictions to prevent trucks using them, although a Range Rover might fit through, have an inch of clearance between the concrete and the sides of your alloys/car is likely to be a bit stressful. Cars have got wider with time, I can just get a 2014 Golf through a 1990 garage door, an Evoque won't fit at all.

My DH chose a dreadful company car. His decision, I didn't fancy it at all.

For the three years he had it I moaned. Every time I drove it, I moaned.

He's just replaced it and I chose it.

I love that man.

I don't really know why he wants a 4x4 - he hasn't really articulated it!

I know he wants a 5 seater (current family car is a 4 seater coupe which is generally fine but when the kids want to bring a friend we end up taking 2 cars) and I'm fine with that as a "need". I just don't think it needs to be a 4x4. We are lucky enough to a have pretty heathy budget so it's not like options are particularly limited.

If I had to guess I think he just fancies one, but I'll try and get more info once the kids are in bed and we can talk it through in peace

Sorry I feel I've probably drop fed a bit on this given the change in responses. It wasn't intentional.

I love my 4x4 - feels bigger and more space inside

I originally thought you were unreasonable but actually the point about his bikes being your sports car has converted me that Yanbu.

Re the 4x4 I have one as I live off road so it gets used off road every single day but it costs a fortune to run in every possible way (tax, insurance diesel - crap mpg especially for my short journeys) so if you don't need a 4x4 It would seem unecessary expense to get one.

There's five seats in the A5. Tell him, "Let's get the A5 coupe!", then when he starts moaning about practicalities pretend to compromise by saying, "Fine, we'll get the sportback".

5 proper seats is quite hard to find though unless you go for a 4x4. Lots of cars have very shaped side passenger seats so if you have car seats it's almost impossible to fit someone in the middle. DH has an Audi A6 and before that a BMW 5 series (company cars not our own I should add). Both massive estates but neither capable of sitting someone easily in the middle seat if a car seat is being used in one of the others.