To think it unfair to blatantly spoil one grandchild over another?

[Sweetpotatocurry]

I have two dcs, one girl, one boy. My mother has always spoiled my first, the girl. When she was born she set up a bank account for her, and regularly deposits significant sums into it. Fast forward five years, and I have a 3 year old son. He has never had an account set up. He does get equal gifts for birthdays and Christmas though. DM mentioned this morning that she must put some more money into dd's account. I casually mentioned, what about dgs? The response was "oh someone else will give him money". I am not sure who...his other grandparents are not flush, but always give them equal amounts anyhow. I told her I would rather she split it between them, and she laughed.

It is her money, obviously. She can do what she wants with it. However I am not sure how I will explain this to my son in years to come. Maybe I should just let him think what he likes of her. But I don't want him to feel hurt.

She clearly doesn't care as I have already pointed it out to her. Any ideas how I should react? She so blatantly shows favouritism, and I don't want my children being a part of that kind of behaviour.

I wouldn't like this is my parents did this with my children either.
To give money to one grandchild and not the other is very unfair. What if there is nobody else to save money up for DS?

If you let this continue you are just as bad. It is up to you to protect your children, why would you put your mum before them?

hiho 'Tis one of the reasons I live abroad!

I don't think that you can just decide to take away money that belongs to your dd, as others are suggesting. I'm afraid that's theft (which can be committed against a minor). Tough situation though - do you have an idea what is motivating your dm?

My MIL is like this, she has an account for the two eldest granddaughters, which we know she put money i. As the eldest is using it for her wedding and her sister bought a car with what was in it. Mine were born and she made a huge song and dance about setting up accounts for my them. She wanted birth certificates and such like so she could open them. I had three accounts set up so i gave her the account books for them and in the nine years she has had them nothing has been added, i still get the statements for the accounts. She is no on about how she is going to move money about so she can find something towards the eldests house deposit.

I was the favoured GC - my sister, who is the nicest person you'll ever meet, was looked upon as a second class grandchild by my gran on account of her taking after our mum (I look like dad).

Is affected my relationship with her severely. By the end I couldn't even speak to her without feeling deep and passionate hatred. My sister? She's a much nicer person than me. She was the one who kept in contact and talked to her and was patient and lovely. She's the one who held her hand as she lay dying.

I will never, ever forgive her for treating my sister in the way that she did

I don't think your mum is being fair at all.

I don't think OP can shut the account completely, but she may be able to apply to have her DD's name taken off the account. I don't think she could appropriate the money in the account to distribute as she believes fair because her DM is a joint account holder.

I think you need to state quite clearly how you feel and ask your mum to address your concerns. You cannot stop her putting money aside to give to your DD, but you can refuse to accept it whilst your DD is still a minor.

So your DM could empty the bank account if she decides you're being ungrateful.

Almost sounds llike she wants something to hold over you.

Why not set up a Child Trust Fund account and tell DM that she needs to close her account with DD and transfer the money into the fund? Tell her you don't want DD to have two accounts.

Your mum is not being fair, of course she isn't, but there is fuck all you can do about it.

What you can do is ensure it doesn't drive a wedge between your children, or between your ds and his gm. Now, that does depend upon you. If they hear you complaining about it, being angry about it, it will make the disparity between them of greater importance to the advantage of neither.

As I outlined in my earlier post, women are already at a disadvantage to men in this society. I have no idea whether this is why your mum's doing it but righting wrongs inherent in society in her own small way is as good a reason as any, so plug that one if either of your children ever bring the subject up. If they don't, then don't bring it up yourself, ignore it for the time being. They're bound to notice it at some point.

Don't make this a bigger thing than it already is. Don't let it interfere with relationships within your own sphere of influence - I suspect that's what your mum wants anyway, so don't play along.

This is do sad for your ds