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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have gone to work today?

53 replies

itsnotterrysitsmine · 20/01/2016 21:21

DH works night's & last night on his way in to work had crashed his car. Fortunately he is physically fine, the car however is almost certainly going to be a write off. He rang me from the crash scene to tell me what had happened, & also told me I would probably not be going to work for the rest of the week. I said ok we'll see, as at this point I didn't know what state he was going to be in today, how long courtesy cars etc would take to sort out. This morning DH was fine, we got the practical side of things sorted out by mid day so I went to work for the afternoon. I asked DH if he could do me a favour in the early part of the afternoon, he said yeah that's fine but can you do x, y & z for me later to maximise his sleep before work tonight.

Just now I've asked a small question & had my head ripped off. He's pissed off I went to work today of all days, I put work before him, I'm selfish, if I want something it has to now but what he wants doesn't matter & on the list goes. I tried to calmly explain my reasoning but got about half a sentence in to be told it was bull shit, I've knocked the fight out of him in terms of what's the fucking point in telling me anything because we'll be back to normal next week.

I went to work because he was fine, everything that could be sorted was and I need to protect my job and any goodwill I have with my managers - DH is still on a probation period with his job, we have 2 young dc's and no support network so on a practical level I'm always minimising any time I have off work for those occasions where DC's are too poorly for school or nursery as it will be me that will have to take time off to look after them. On top of that DH will have lost his full shift pay from last night and his shift premium for the week and we now have to pay for the excess and a new car and I don't know how today will have been recorded at work so can't really afford to risk losing any more financially.

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 21/01/2016 11:37

Are there any underlying issues? On the surface YANBU but this sounds like the kind of rant that isn't about what it's officially about, if you see what I mean. You don't have to agree with everything he rants about, but I would ask him about what he's feeling and try and listen non-defensively - it might have flagged something in the relationship he's unhappy about and that at least needs airing.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 21/01/2016 11:42

From his reaction it seems like there's more to it than "just" the car crash. How is your relationship generally?

HermioneJeanGranger · 21/01/2016 13:14

YABU not to have been a bit more understanding.

He rolled his car and quite possibly nearly died. He must have been absolutely terrified. I've only ever "crashed" once, when it was icy and I was parking and skidded into a fence. I was in shock for a good couple of hours, even though I wasn't injured and my car wasn't even scraped. It was just scary to know it could have been a whole lot worse.

I don't think YABU to have gone into work, though. Taking a day off is just going to lose you more money and add to general stress levels, but I think it would have been nice to be a bit more understanding about the situation. What he said was probably fear and the shock talking, though.

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