To think 'friend' was being a bitch.

[Vickymumof4]

Long story but will try to keep it short. Met up with some friends yesterday for coffee and one of the girls really upset me. There's four of us, all ex work friends who usually meet up a couple of times a month for coffee and we all get on really well. We were talking about the torrential rain and storms that we had a few weeks ago and one of them was saying about how her fence had blown down and roof tiles had come off etc, so I told them about what happened to me. Driving in this awful rain with dd and we saw a woman walking along a very very busy duel carriageway with no coat on in this horrendous rain. Drove past and I remarked to dd how awful and I bet her car had broken down etc etc so we came off road and drove back round and pulled in a lay-by to offer her a lift, or the use of our phone. Turned out she was a 12 year old girl ( hard to tell with the rain) who had run away from home and was going to meet a man she had met on the Internet in a town 40 miles away. Obviously I couldn't then just drop her off somewhere so I called the police and then took her to my home to wait for them. Police came and took this girl home and then followed up with a lovely call to tell me what had happened, as did her mum to thank me for stopping. My friend then said in a very bitchy way " oh your a proper Samaritan you aren't you" I asked what she meant and she said " well only you would stop fgs everyone else would have thought aww what a shame and gone about their day, but your always adopting waifs and strays" ( I have an adopted dd as well as fostered children over the years). I didn't tell the story to receive any kind of praise but was just telling them what had happened in the context of the conversation. This comment has really upset me, as it was the way in which it was said.Dh has just said ignore it and that she can be a real bitch sometimes with everyone, but I can't get over the WAY it was said, in a sneery, bitchy way.Aibu to want to phone her and speak to her about how much it upset me or should I just ignore this comment as she has never been like this to me before and we just carried on as normal after it was said.

This "friend" sounds a horrid piece of work. It is clear that you weren't bragging but retelling an event. Without people like you, this world would be a grim place. Don't let her make you feel bad for helping a child. A CHILD. I feel sorry for this woman as empathy and kindness appears to not come easy to her.

What would really upset me is the comment of "adopting waifs and strays" - is this how she sees your DD? And your foster children? Hell, she is one cold fish!

Well thanks for that wannaBe. I'm definitely not a hero or praise seeker, but neither am I willing to let what I thought was a stranded woman walk with no coat in torrential rain. I didn't know it was a young girl till she was in the car. i phoned the police and gave them my address and they met me at my house. No mention of staying in the lay by or going to the station. My post was about my friend reaction and was she being a bitch, not posted to gain validation or praise but to get another perspective, so thank you for giving me that.

WannaBe and any others , WTF with all the poster picking apart the OP's story?

So if the police hear from someone responsible sounding at an unspecified location on a busy dualcl carriageway who says "I have a young runaway in my car, she is cold and wet, I am taking her home to Xx" you think the (chronically overstretched) police station will say - "No! Stay there on the busy road, we will bring a car IMMEDIATELY!" Or "OK, we will send a car to XX"

Have a word with yourselves, please.
The OP did something we would all be so grateful for if it was our own child. Stop the sniping, it's unpleasant.

Op you so did the right thing, I wish there were more like you in the world. This would be a massive dealbreaker in the friendship, I would not like a friend like that.

Vickymumof4 ignore her just like your "friend" WannaBe's post says more about her than you.

To answer your OP - Yes, your "friend" was indeed being a bitch.

Well you obviously did the right thing.

Your mate: is she always horrid? because you say in the opener that you all get on really well. Can you put it down to her having a bad day or is this a case of the scales falling from your eyes and you suddenly seeing her for who she is?

tangerines (in case your post was aimed at me), as I said I don't know the procedure here.

But I would expect the Police to advise the OP to stay where she is, rather than drive off with the child to her own home, to wait for them.

Therefore it's possible the OP's friend thought she was spinning a yarn - hence her snotty reply.

That has nothing to do with 'sniping' or being 'ungrateful' to someone for helping a runaway child.

She's a jealous cow.

What you did for that girl was amazing.

You did a good deed, be proud of that and just let the bitchy friend go. I seem to find myself in many situations (expat in Asia) where I do good deeds, some small some bigger. I feel good about the small ones and the bigger ones where I might have put my life at risk I feel good about at the time then think about what might have happened.

What I am trying to say is you did a good deed and it worked out well. What if the old woman/young girl was a trap and you and your DD were kidnapped?

Would it not have been prudent to pull over and phone for help for the woman/child? I think you were brave and very decent but somewhat irresponsible.

The comment about it being typical of you and always taking waifs and strays suggests that she has been thinking this for a long time, this incident was just the one where she brought it up. She is no friend. She sounds like a cold hearted cow and not someone I'd bother to associate with.

OP, you did a very nice thing but I'm also surprised that the police were okay with collecting this girl from your house. I suspect your friend thought you were telling the story to get a 'wow, aren't you great' reaction.

Your 'friend' was being a bitch,
Thank Goodness you were there as this child's saviour. It doesn't bare thinking about what could have happened had she indeed met up with this man.
As the waifs and strays comment. That would be it for me.

You did entirely the right thing - and I'm not so sure the hard shoulder on a busy dual carriageway in torrential rain is the safest place either, so I'd have taken her home too.

Your 'friend' has shown herself up, the other friends won't forget that remark.

As PP's have said, her comments say more about her than they do about you. I wouldn't contact her about it, I would just add a little note about it to my mental file on her and carry on as usual. She's only someone that you see in a group a couple of times a month, it's not worth any hassle imo.

Glad you stopped for her, so many people wouldn't. Your friend sounds mean, some people seem unable to think that people can do good deeds just because it's in their nature, rather than for the praise.

For people who are doubting the police letting her take the girl home, as a registered foster carer OP will have been through enhanced police checks. Perhaps the police also weighed it up and reckoned there was less chance of the girl doing another runner if OP took her to her house. Maybe they had no officer immediately available.

You did a very compassionate thing and saved her from what would have v possibly been an awful experience.

I can imagine the police would rather the OP got off the hard shoulder of a busy carriage way ASAP, rather than run the risk if an accident. Hard shoulders are for breakdowns and emergencies, not safe places to sit if you can help it.

In no way does it sound like you're boasting OP and I believe you, as a number of children have been known to run away from home to meet creeps. With the number of members on mumsnet, is it really impossible that a member would have had this experience?

I wouldn't bother confronting this person about this OP, as it will solve nothing and potentially cause a breakdown in relationships with the others. It sounds like she shot herself in the foot, with the others, anyway. It's possible one of them will pull her up on it. Hold your head up and ignore what the fecker has said. If she makes another comment in front of them, you can be ready to pull her there and then.

What made her decide that she would rather go with you then go along with her original plans? Sorry, just trying to make sense of it.

You did a great thing, and yes you friend is a bitch.

Op you did a truly wonderful thing and I am glad there are kind people like you about. It makes the world a better place for everyone. As for the friend and the posters here who haven't been kind, please don't get offended. They don't have a loving heart like you and so your actions would be alien to them.

In a small way it's a bit like giving a jar of homemade jam as a present: the majority would think how lovely that you would make something so thoughtful. But there would be a sizeable minority who would think 'oh god, show me up why don't you, as I can't cook, don't have time to make anything which is why the only things I have are shop bought. This gift is stealth boasting and I can't stand your smugness but I 'll pretend I like it, but aren't you so perfect'.

As we don't know the background to people's behaviour it's easy to get hurt when you only had best intentions in mind so it's probably best not to be too judgemental, at the end of the day it's her that has the issue not you.

Between you and your "friend" I know how I would rather be! She sounds horrible. How did the others react? You absolutely did the right thing and her rudeness was completely uncalled for.

no next time. Talk to her once more, to tell her why you are no longer going to see her.

"What made her decide that she would rather go with you then go along with her original plans? Sorry, just trying to make sense of it."

I would guess that being out in the pouring rain, walking alone on a dodgy road with no coat in the cold might have made her think twice about her plans, without any further intervention! Someone stopped, was nice to her, took her out of the rain, talked to her, helped her - I would think her rage at her mum had run out long since and she just didn't really know how to go back (teens aren't prone to logical thinking, IME) Plus not being able to contact the creepy bloke wouldn't have helped.

Doesn't matter though, does it. The point is that she did go with the OP, and then the police and hopefully is safe at home with her mum.

She's jealous because your story of saving a young girl was more thrilling than her story of some tiles blowing off her roof.

I have a child of a similar age and your story made my blood run cold. I am very glad you're ready because this particular child could be dead by now. I don't know what the issue of this woman is but I agree that she is a b and actually I don't think you'll be unreasonable in telling her that either. It will probably make you feel a whole lot better. A lot of people wouldn't have the guts for such a confrontation though because she is the type who would defend herself to death but at least you'll have had your say. I guess it's up to you . Your call