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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To steal my Cat back?

58 replies

HairySubject · 18/01/2016 10:31

I will put in all of the background so as not to drip feed.

When my exp moved in with me he brought his cat. Previously Cat and Ex had lived with his mother. Exp moved out a few years later but cat stayed.

The cat was never very loyal, would disappear for days on end but always came back and actually set up home with one of my neighbours. it spent some nights at ours and some nights at theirs, we both fed it and loved it.

In October I had to move, the plan was for me to live in a new house for a month and then after that month to move into Exp's mums house as she was moving away. Exp lives elsewhere.

Because I was moving twice and Cat had already lived at Exp's mums house most of its life we decided that Cat should go straight there and then when I moved in he would be my cat again.

Well at some point between him moving back there and me moving in Cat ran away. No one told me until I moved in and asked where he was. Exp's mum and I don't have a great relationship and wouldn't ever cjat but I would have thought they might mention my missing cat.

So by the time I found out Cat had been missing about a month. I looked for him around the area but couldn't see him, rang local vets, he hadn't been brought in. He is an old cat so I resigned to the fact that he had died but still kept an eye out for him in the area.

I had to go back to our old area last week and there was Cat, I couldn't get him straight away because I was walking the kids to the dentist and couldn't A) take the cat with me or B) carry the cat the couple of miles back on foot.

When I went back to collect him our old neighbours said they were keeping him, he was settled and that they had heard I wasn't looking after him (I wasn't no, I had left him in the care of people that I trusted too though!) . They won't give him back. They said he went back there looking for them but they he could just of easily been looking for us, he didn't know I had moved and was going to join him at Exp's Mums.

Would I be unreasonable to sneak round and steal him back or should I leave him be, he is settled, well looked after and an old cat who has already got his place in the picking order of the area and would have to assert himself again if I brought him home.

I just miss my Cat and the kids miss him too. However would it be worse on the kids if I brought him back and he ran off again?

Oh and I am allergic to him! Remind me again why I want to go cat napping?!

OP posts:
HairySubject · 18/01/2016 12:30

No I would assume no news is good news. unless there is a problem I wouldn't expect to hear from her.

You don't know the relationship that I have with this woman so whilst I accept your view, I am allowed to disagree with you.

OP posts:
BloodyLary · 18/01/2016 12:37

Steal him back!

OnlyLovers · 18/01/2016 12:41

I think it's very possible that he may have gone back to your old area looking for you/his old home, and finding not you but a perfectly acceptable home with new staff, decided to stay.

Having said that, I'd get him back. If he disappears again (and he does seem to have previous for this!) then perhaps just accept that he's a wanderer. If he stays, he stays. Either way, he'll have made his choice.

LeotardoDaVinci · 18/01/2016 12:46

You should read "This Moose belongs to me" by Oliver Jeffers. Written about cats really I reckon.

We had a dog who moved out - she got fed more treats and got more attention with an elderly couple up the road whereas our house was chaotic and noisy (young kids and teenagers). We kept bringing her home but every day she would head off again. Then she was hit by a car on her way to her second home so once she recovered we moved her in with them full time (and she never came back to visit us Sad). I would leave the cat where he is.

FairiesAreReal · 18/01/2016 12:46

Don't steal him back - poor thing!
Cat's don't like to be passed from pillar to post.

OTheHugeManatee · 18/01/2016 12:47

I think you should leave the poor old thing. He's settled and being looked after in a loving home and it will probably be very upsetting for him if you 'steal' him back.

There are lots of cats in foster care that need loving homes. Why don't you adopt one of them?

wannaBe · 18/01/2016 12:54

You said in your op that the cat lived between yours and the neighbour's home so he already belonged in part to the neighbour - in his eyes anyway.

If you believe the cat felt abandoned, the truth is that if he did (and we're attributing human emotions to a cat here so it's unlikely tbh) but if he did feel abandoned, it would have been at the point you shipped him off to the other house without so much as a backward glance (in his eyes).

But in truth cats are fickle creatures who will find a home with the best source of food shelter and warmth. And you already said that he had no loyalty to you, so on that basis it's unlikely that he really cared whether you are around or not.

If he's settled with the neighbour I would leave him there. Seems to me this is more about you proving that you didn't abandon him rather than actually wanting him back.

OnlyLovers · 18/01/2016 13:41

Manatee, the OP says she wouldn't want a different cat because of her allergies; she's prepared to put up with them for this one, but otherwise not.

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