To feel this was a reasonable punishment for DS 16?

[needastrongone]

Here is what happened.

DS and his mates, usually a good, solid, sensible bunch of lads went out today to mess about in the snow. I am not sure how many of his mates were there, as I was out, and which exactly of his mates were involved as he refuses to say and grass folk up.

Anyway, they saw fit to run into someone's front garden and kick over the snowmen that the kids had made. To put absolutely correct, DS and 2 other mates stood on the drive and laughed and did not do the kicking, but I see no difference as he was involved and did not try to stop the action.

We live in a village, god knows how they thought they would get away with it. Anyway, I've found out. I'm pissed off that he thought it was ok to trespass and destroy someone elses property and upset some kids. I've told him this, but haven't ranted and raved.

He has been round to the house and apologised to the family in question for his part. He's also had his gadgets confiscated for the week. The two other parents who had DS's that stood and watched have done exactly the same, although this is coincidence, not something we agreed. I don't know about the other parents, I am not sure who else was involved.

Do you guys think this is reasonable? He's a generally good, solid kid, I promise!

[Soooosie]

[specialsubject]

it's fine. It's gadget removal, not a beating.

lesson - don't be a vandal, a bully or a sheep.

[ComposHatComesBack]

Duffy's brilliant. Witty, dry, intelligent. Former poet laureate. Sometimes done to death at GCSE.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. I once heard an audio recording of her reading some of the poems she's written as part of her laureateship.

I'm not sympathetic to the royals at the best of the times, but sycophantic royalist guff read in a boring Midlands monotone was beyond endurance.

I would rather be water boarded.

[scarlets]

Given that he's a good kid, this incident is something he will always remember, with remorse.

Most of us did daft stuff at 16.

I think he's a bit old for confiscation of possessions, as pps have said.

[DotForShort]

I think the apology is sufficient. IMO removing gadgets is a rather juvenile penalty for a 16-year-old. I was at university at 17, literally thousands of miles away from my parents. By 16, I think most (not all) teens should have outgrown that sort of punishment.

[Narp]

I'm all for natural consequences and reasonable redress - so yes, and apology and re-building the snowman.

[Narp]

an apology

[BertrandRussell]

So a "slap on the wrist" as the tabloids say, for destroying a younger child's snowman and laughing about it. Right. That's just what teens do, is it?
If either of mine did that their feet wouldn't touch the ground for weeks.

[Katedotness1963]

I think an apology was enough. I have a 16 year old too and we wonder about punishments, I mean legally he can leave school, leave home, get married and join the forces. Grounding him or taking his stuff away seems odd...

[fascicle]

Another one who thinks an apology is appropriate and sufficient.

[BertrandRussell]

I am actually shocked by many of the posts on here. Do people not feel there is any need to parent their 16 year olds?

[rosewithoutthorns]

I'd actually wonder why my son did something cruel.

[rosewithoutthorns]

No amount of taking stuff off him etc. is going to change this. My biggest thing is kindness and instilling this. I wouldnt be angry Id be heart sore.

[Baressentials]

OP I think you should make your ds stand outside holding twigs outright in each hand with a carrot stuck to his nose and have children throw snowballs at him. Clearly the boy needs to be punished, and then punished some more. No way can he have just had a lapse in judgement. He is 16 ffs, his brain should be fully matured by now. He is clearly a cruel heartless boy in the making

[Baressentials]

Whilst your ds is being punished I think you should be wailing, on your knees, next to him, lamenting as to where you went wrong and to show everyone how heart sore you are due to his actions.

[DownstairsMixUp]

The sorry and a one day ban is enough. Week is a bit much.

[Haffdonga]

I agree the apology was enough alone and the gadget removal doesn't 'fit the crime'. My ds would have been mortified at having to knock on a door and apologise and that would have been far more of a punishment for him than removing gadgets.

Why not let your ds win the gadgets back by doing a helpful task - Sweeping the pavements of snow? Litter pick the village green? He might decide doing without the gadgets is less effort

[FarelyKnuts]

Rebuilding the snowman would have been more useful than an apology or the loss of gadgets. Presumably the kids who made it worked hard on it.

[rosewithoutthorns]

Not at all dramatic

The boy is 16 not 5

He did something or allowed something nasty to happen

I'd be very upset by his actions

[Grilledaubergines]

Fair punishment. And I'm sure lesson learned.

[ComposHatComesBack]

My biggest thing is kindness and instilling this. I wouldnt be angry Id be heart sore.

How old are your children? As I fear you will be spending a good portion of their teenage years weeping and wailing and being 'heart sore' over stupid yet ultimately trivial incidents.

[PlaymobilPirate]

I think it's fine - the father of one of my (college) students got so fed up with his behaviour that he takes something from his room every Friday morning. He rings me Friday afternoon for a weekly update and if it's good (work, behaviour, attendance) the son gets it back. If it's not he puts it in the safe at work until the next Friday. Works well for us!

[BertrandRussell]

"How old are your children? As I fear you will be spending a good portion of their teenage years weeping and wailing and being 'heart sore' over stupid yet ultimately trivial incidents."

I have two teenagers. I would be heartbroken and outraged if either of them gratuitously destroyed a small child's snowman.

I just don't get this "oh, teenagers are arseholes- you just have to accept it" line. No, they aren't.