To feel this was a reasonable punishment for DS 16?

[needastrongone]

Here is what happened.

DS and his mates, usually a good, solid, sensible bunch of lads went out today to mess about in the snow. I am not sure how many of his mates were there, as I was out, and which exactly of his mates were involved as he refuses to say and grass folk up.

Anyway, they saw fit to run into someone's front garden and kick over the snowmen that the kids had made. To put absolutely correct, DS and 2 other mates stood on the drive and laughed and did not do the kicking, but I see no difference as he was involved and did not try to stop the action.

We live in a village, god knows how they thought they would get away with it. Anyway, I've found out. I'm pissed off that he thought it was ok to trespass and destroy someone elses property and upset some kids. I've told him this, but haven't ranted and raved.

He has been round to the house and apologised to the family in question for his part. He's also had his gadgets confiscated for the week. The two other parents who had DS's that stood and watched have done exactly the same, although this is coincidence, not something we agreed. I don't know about the other parents, I am not sure who else was involved.

Do you guys think this is reasonable? He's a generally good, solid kid, I promise!

[needastrongone]

Where does it say he has form for doing nasty things? He can be thoughtless, in the sense that teenagers can be, but I am not sure where I implied he's nasty?

He's apologised to the adults and to the kids. The kids are not really young, one is at high school, the others upper primary, so not sure about a toy?The family were accepting of the apology and each of the 3 boys that watched went individually to apologise.

[Stratter5]

Christ, a Duffy poem is a bit much, poor DD2 did Carol Ann Duffy, nearly finished the pair of us

[needastrongone]

Should I be glad I don't know the work of Carol Ann Duffy?

[LeaLeander]

I think a punishment more related to the "crime" might be more appropriate. Like providing free babysitting for the family a few times or shoveling their area on the next snowfall etc.

Removing his gadgets for a week seems a bit much if he's otherwise generally reliable and uses good judgment.

When I was a young teen we had purchased a giant pumpkin for Halloween and some jerks in high school smashed it; I heard them boasting about it the next day. We were really sad as we had made a special trip to the pumpkin patch and it was an unusual color. Didn't know who they were so nothing happened but if they had been identified I would have liked to see a tangible sign of punishment such as mowing the lawn for my dad or something like that. If they were punished privately at home - big deal, to us.

[CwtchMeQuick]

I think the apology was enough. I suppose he could've also offered to help the kids make another snowman but not necessary imo.
Its hard for teenagers to be the one to go against the crowd so I don't think you can be disappointed in him for that really. Yes standing and laughing wasn't nice, but he's a 16yo boy and it's what they do. Sounds like a minor error in judgement that he regrets

[rosewithoutthorns]

Apologies OP, I was on two different threads :\ and typed the wrong one to you!

[BolshierAryaStark]

Not got a clue who Duffy is...
I think the punishment sounds fine, it was a shitty thing to do-happened to the DC's snowman a couple of years ago, seriously pissed me off

[Goingtobeawesome]

I think a week is too harsh. Two days is fine and a chat about not being a pillock and too weak to make his "mates" stop being twats.

[budgiegirl]

I think the punishment sounds about right, especially the apology. And taking away gadgets usually hits kids where it hurts.

And please will people stop saying things like "16 is nearly an adult!"

I agree, no adult I know would watch a child's snowman get kicked over and laugh.

But he's a teenager, they do stupid things sometimes. You've dealt with it, and it's over.

[Supermanspants]

Removing gadgets for a week for not intervening in the murder of a snowman seems a bit harsh.

[Melonaire]

I'd give him back the gadgets by Wednesday.

[Waffles80]

Duffy's brilliant. Witty, dry, intelligent. Former poet laureate. Sometimes done to death at GCSE.

Here's the poem Stealing:

genius.com/Carol-ann-duffy-stealing-annotated

[StayWithMe]

I think your punishment is perfectly fine OP and you sound like a very sensible parent.

It could gave been worse, they could have been like my, then, teenagers and their friends, that built a 6ft penis snowman in our front garden to piss of the neighbours. To be fair, my neighbours are arseholes, but I told them off and had a good laugh with my husband later.

[lostinmiddlemarch]

Chocolates?

[Baressentials]

Not sure I would take gadgets away for a whole week but other than that i think how you handled it sounds fine.

Agree that a chat about not being an arse might be required. I find my 16 year old responds better when we chat adult to almost adult. tell him he was an arse, ask him to remember how he felt when he was younger and if someone had done that to him. Then tell him to look for an opportunity to pay some kindness back to the child or, if not possible, find a way to pay some kindness forward.

Teenagers mess up. So do adults. It is life. But it is how you act after you have messed up that shows your true character.

[mum2mum99]

Apology is enough. At this age they tend to find it hard to understand how their own actions impact on others.

[needastrongone]

at StayWithMe.

I might relent then re the gadgets, although he doesn't need to know this yet...

We've already had a chat about the younger kids feelings and also not always following the crowd.

I could suggest he goes and offers to do some jobs or something. I don't think I would make him though. The family seem to have put the matter to bed. They've posted all over Facebook (no names in fairness) about it, the deed (including pictures) and the apologies. Not my style and I haven't responded, DS has gone round in person.

[Baressentials]

I would just leave it now then. But definitely relent on the week long gadget ban.

[nooka]

I don't think it was a particularly unreasonable punishment (I have a 16 year old), but it doesn't particularly fit the crime. It would have been nice to think of some way to pick a consequence that made it up to the kids/family, but it is after all only a snowman. Plus it's important that punishments/ consequences are close in time to misdeeds, so not much time to think up something more obviously appropriate.

[Soooosie]

I would have made him apologise and rebuild the snowman bigger and better. Nothing else.

[Wileycoyote]

I would have suggested he apologize and offer to build them a new snowman!?

[Moln]

Don't have a 16 yet so hard to give sound advice. I think the apologising was very good; mine eldest is only 12 so not sure if this would be any use at 16, but I'd have told him that he needs to offer to help the children rebuild their snow man.

[Wileycoyote]

Ha great minds think alike sooosie!!

[Moln]

Ooh cross posts re snowman!