To feel this was a reasonable punishment for DS 16?

[needastrongone]

Here is what happened.

DS and his mates, usually a good, solid, sensible bunch of lads went out today to mess about in the snow. I am not sure how many of his mates were there, as I was out, and which exactly of his mates were involved as he refuses to say and grass folk up.

Anyway, they saw fit to run into someone's front garden and kick over the snowmen that the kids had made. To put absolutely correct, DS and 2 other mates stood on the drive and laughed and did not do the kicking, but I see no difference as he was involved and did not try to stop the action.

We live in a village, god knows how they thought they would get away with it. Anyway, I've found out. I'm pissed off that he thought it was ok to trespass and destroy someone elses property and upset some kids. I've told him this, but haven't ranted and raved.

He has been round to the house and apologised to the family in question for his part. He's also had his gadgets confiscated for the week. The two other parents who had DS's that stood and watched have done exactly the same, although this is coincidence, not something we agreed. I don't know about the other parents, I am not sure who else was involved.

Do you guys think this is reasonable? He's a generally good, solid kid, I promise!

[Hihohoho1]

Look if the op posted that the teenagers had kicked the snow and head in whole there were crying toddlers pleading with them to stop then yes that would be cruel and nasty.

There weren't were there.

I an guessing this response is divided slightly between mums of toddlers and teenagers.

Seriously some 16 year old boys have similar traits to 6 year old boys.

16 isn't an adult and most develop massively by 18, thank god.

[needastrongone]

Having read the thread and taken on board the comments made, I felt that there was a lot of validity with reference to the confiscation of DS's gadgets. Useful advice, and DS has his gadgets back. I probably didn't make the right call there, and was glad the posters suggested returning them. I mentioned that up thread.

I don't think I have been at all defensive, certainly not compared to some threads I read, so we will agree to differ I guess.

Thanks for all the contributions.

[Lauren15]

And I brought my ds into it to show that I have an idea of how stupid 16 year old boys are and how they can be influenced by their friends.

[Lauren15]

If you're so satisfied with how you dealt with it Op why did you start a thread about it? . I shouldn't be surprised. Lots of people start threads in AIBU just to hear that they are right.

[Tamponlady]

Sorry you did right op what if his friends choose to do somthing against the law and he stands and laugh we have joint enterprises in the uk it's a good lesson in nit being a lemming

[needastrongone]

What exactly would you suggest he does Lauren, given that he has apologised in person and the family in question have accepted this and moved on and wish to draw a line under the matter?

What has your sons behaviour got to do with mine, other than to suggest your son is somehow less mean or unkind than mine?

Like I have said, we have discussed the unkindness of the act, he has apologised. The family have left it there, and so am I.

Owl

[Owllady]

I think maybe people saying he is 16 may not have one themselves
Mine got put in isolation at school last week for something quite similar, though he swears blind he wasn't laughing (or filming) said incident but was talking to a friend on skype
I took his Xbox, tablet and laptop for 2 days
Then I got fed up of him following me around and sitting in the lounge with me talking about football transfers and God knows what else :o

[Lauren15]

I have a 16 year old ds and he's done some stupid shit in the last year or so but never anything mean or unkind. I'd be very upset at that behaviour. When my dcs were little some teenagers wrecked their snowman and they were really sad that people could be so thoughtless.

[Birdsgottafly]

The most important bit was talking about how the children would be feeling, which you did OP.

Teen Lads do egg each other on to do stupid stuff, it's good, in a way that there's been an incident that hasn't been dangerous to anyone, so you can talk about it and the Lads can think before they act again.

They're all old enough to start going camping etc on their own and some of the stuff that Teen Lads get up to can land then with a permanent conviction (or as the Superglue girls showed, even girls), but also life threatening/permanently disabling, accidents can happen.

Stupid 'accidents'/ actions are the biggest threat/killer of Teen-25 year old young men.

[Hihohoho1]

Heart sore on a par with a child's joy from a thread earlier in the week.

People he laughed at a mate kicking a snowman. It's not on the par with laughing as his mate kicked granny.

Ffs.

[Babyroobs]

I have a 16 year old ds and think this sounds reasonable. He has apologised. My ds went to an away football match last week and as him and his mates had time to kill before the match they went into a local supermarket and started kicking a football around and ended up getting chucked out of the store. he thought it was funny but I was fuming. Just making a point that , at that age when they are with their mates they get carried away and do stupid things without thinking of the consequences.

[Hihohoho1]

Sounds fine to me. He's 16! Most boys of 16 are knobs. Mine were but lovely now.

Kicking a snowman over was silly but hardly major crime.

[Lauren15]

I would have made him do something nice for the children he's upset.

[Waffles80]

I bet Shakespeare was an utter knob. Probably howled the Globe down if the candles weren't proper beeswax and his ale wasn't ice-box cold.

Doesn't make his plays rubbish, though, does it?

People only ever use the "but they're really stroppy and demanding" and "my mate's aunt's cousin met them at Hay and said they were just vile line" to undermine successful women.

Don't care if she's rude, stroppy or demanding. She wrote Oppenheim's Cup and Saucer which is beyond genius

[ComposHatComesBack]

If you want to call me a liar go ahead - I have no reason to make it up, nor do my friends.

They've worked at events where plenty offamous people have spoken, most were fine, some were lovely, some were horrible. If you want to even the gender balance up, the explorer Ranolph Finned was a twat of the highest order too and threw a similarly spectacularly childish tantrum.

[BertrandRussell]

There's always somebody who knows somebody who witnessed divaish behaviour from successful women.

The World's Wife is fantastic.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Oh I have no opinion on her, I just find the vitriol funny to listen to!

[Janeymoo50]

Sounds fine to me, wouldn't have taken gadgets off him, too old. Oh, plus a box of Haribo for the kids (awaits "they might have allergies" comments).

[Orange1969]

I like CAD - loved her poetry ever since buying a copy of Standing Female Nude. She still is poet laureate, by the way.

Disappointed to hear of her diva behaviour - there's no excuse for that.

She is done to death at GCSE but I don't think she writes poetry in the hope that it will be used in the syllabus.

Re the 16 year old son and snowman - what a horrible thing to do. Really mean. At least he has apologised.

Kids do some awful things in the heat of the moment.

[ComposHatComesBack]

I am amused by all the Duffy hate though

I've always thought her poetry was pedestrian and written with one eye on a GCSE syllabus.



A couple of friends worked at an evening event where she was speaking. She was extremely demanding and rude and treated 'the little people' she came across atrociously.

La Duffy demanded a very specific meal at the last minute and threw a huge diva strop when it wasn't quite what she wanted. After she'd spoken she then told (not asked) gallery staff to buy her some liquid for her e-cig. Nowhere had any, cue another tantrum.



I think - just like Van Morrison - there are people who like Carol Ann Duffy and people who have met Carol Ann Duffy.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Very sensible op.

I am amused by all the Duffy hate though

[wanderings]

X post with OP, started typing a while ago.

[wanderings]

Would it have been a month's confiscation and grounding if he had shoplifted a carrot to make a snowman, or stolen the coal needed for the buttons? "But I took it from the middle of the pile, so it's not stealing, it's mining!"

I think a week's confiscation of gadgets is OTT and irrelevant to the crime. At that age I think it would prolong everyone's ill-feeling, and might bring on temptation to make the crime fit the punishment. The apology was just right. Long before I was 16 I used to think it was unfair that parents were allowed to "confiscate" whenever it suited them, but if I removed an annoying gadget from a younger sibling it was "stealing", no matter how much I thought they deserved it.

(But I am still resentful about some childhood punishments: when I was once punished over a misplaced snowball, I showed my displeasure by then refusing to play in the snow that winter at all, in case I committed the crime of the century. It was almost fun watching my parents trying to decide whether to relent on the punishment. Nobody won from that incident at all.)

[needastrongone]

I have talked to DS about the unkindness of the act. We have discussed how that might have made the kids feel. He has apologised. I am leaving it there.

[needastrongone]

Thanks all. Some of your comments since I last posted have made me .

The family in question have appreciated and accepted the apology and moved on. So have we. We try to parent in an appropriate and fair manner, most of the time anyway!

I have given DS back his gadgets. Thanks for the thoughts on this. Useful perspective which, on reflection, I agree with re age and appropriateness.

He is a good kid. They are all good kids to be fair. In my view, they just did something thoughtless. Teenagers tend to do this I find.

I kind of resent the idea he's mean spirited or likely to beat up a granny or deal crack as the next step in his life of crime. But it's an open forum, so fair call.

I also wonder if I might have had a different opinion when my DC were small, parenting teens is different to parenting small children. Some of the comments on here may or may not reflect this.

Thanks all