What are people's thoughts regarding home education? I myself have strong feelings about it. Wondering if AIBU

[HomeEdwoes]

I have personal experience of HE. I went to primary school but didn't go to secondary school at all. I was home educated primarily by my mum during those years. While I don't think of it as abuse, I feel that I missed out on a crucially important part of life by not going to secondary. I view those years of my life as an empty space where school should be. I consider not going to secondary to be the biggest mistake of my life and feel it still affects me as an adult in my twenties. I very rarely discuss it with anyone as it's a very sensitive subject for me.

Though I am sure that there are plenty of HE children who are thriving, I do find myself questioning the motives of parents who do decide to HE. I can understand doing it if the child has special needs that a school would not be able to meet, but that didn't apply to me. I did not have any SN. Also, it concerns me that parents who HE are not required to inform their local authority of their decision, and LAs are not obligated to monitor HE children in their area. I feel that all parents who HE should be required to register as home educators, and they should also be subject to occasional inspections as schools are. I feel the current system allows children to fall completely off the radar, with no monitoring taking place to ensure they are receiving a suitable education. Can I ask what people's thoughts are about HE generally, and whether you agree or disagree with my points?

I don't think I know anyone who has done Biology or Chemistry A level at home. A couple have managed Physics, I think, and some have started OU Science modules (although the age rules and offer keep shifting). But really FT or PT college attendance -sometimes by evening classes rather than FE or sixth form - seems to be the usual route for Scientists.

College at 16+ is often a much friendlier proposition than school for those with SEN, SpLD, disabilities or phobias.

I loved secondary school (and primary school. Wasn't keen on the one term I spent in middle school though) and wouldn't want my kid to miss out on the school experience. We live in Finland now though so she won't get the British school experience but Finnish schools are really good so I'm happy for her to go to them. To be honest I don't think I'd be able to HE even if I wanted to and I'm not exactly below average in intelligence but I don't think I'd have the patience or the right skills for it, I'm in awe of those parents that do manage it.

I do think HE should have some level of oversight, just to make sure the children are learning and aren't just being kept home because of abuse but it doesn't need to be intensive monitoring. Those that are doing some online school I assume have their progress monitored by the online school so that's done. Those that do it completely on their own should maybe send in a portfolio of their child's work once a year to the LA or something like that. I think there's quite a few options for oversight without controlling HE.

There's been such a revolution in HE in the last 10-20 years though, cleaty. Larger numbers and the internet have meant much more group study and much less of the 'alone at home at the dining table' type of activity.

I hated every last second of secondary school, and would have flourished if my parents had known I could have been home educated. My experiences in mainstream secondary school affected me negatively for many years afterwards.

My husband was home educated, and would have been happier in a mainstream school. His experiences (or lack thereof!!) affected him negatively for many years afterwards, although mostly it was because of being made to socialise with mad Christian fundamentalist teens (the normal category of Home Ed teens in the US - his family is Catholic, so that wasn't their motivation).

My point is that contrary to the govt's best efforts, there is no one size fits all solution to education. We are lucky enough to have choices, although not as many as some other countries, and parents have to be permitted to make the best choice for their children, with the fall-back position of an outstanding state funded education system being there for the majority.

How is group study and attending classes, any different from HE?
The HE families I know, do not do any of this. Indeed one boy seems to spend his time either cooking, gardening or playing Minecraft. So I agree that there should be some oversight. Fine for families that do it well, but it is tough on those who do not.

I've said this on the other thread but I would consider HE if my son became unhappy at school. He had a difficult Y7 but things have been better this year. I'm keeping an eye on him and an open mind. Academically he is making good progress but he does struggle socially from time to time, being quite young for his age.

We could potentially move him to a different school but I think it would have be in a different area - reputations both good and bad can follow pupils (and teachers for that matter) around. For that reason something like Interhigh might be better.

Interhigh provides a "virtual" school and he could get the GCSEs he needs (including science) and then go to college. I am sure that he would be ok in college with a fresh start and added maturity and I know from my own experience that sixth form, even in the same school, was a much happier place for me than 11-16 was.

I would use something like Interhigh because I don't think an autonomous approach to learning would work for us, he'd spend all his time watching cricket!

And there are plenty of extra-curricular activities that he could do in a less judgey environment to make friends.

How is group study and attending classes, any different from HE?

Any number of ways.

Virtual classes are obviously very different from physical school.

RL HE classes (where HE parents have grouped together to provide tuition) are usually much much smaller than a school class, friendlier, cater to SEN and illnesses without fuss (inc simple things like free access to medicines, fluids, toilets which is impossible -apparently- in schools).

No large buildings to navigate. No compulsory assembly or PE. No crowds, bells or unstructured time in a large crowd.

Possibility of studying at own pace - maybe considerably ahead of or behind chronological age for some subjects. Completely different atmosphere and ethos. Pupil and parent input into choice of subjects is huge.

RL classes of the weekend/leisure variety can be chosen for suitability, accessibility and relevance.

It's a bespoke education.

I think HE is great if a parent has the time and patience to do it. Kids are likely to do a lot better academically than in a state school. Socially though kids need lots of opportunities to be around other children. After school and holiday clubs could be good for this. I've considered HE with my now 12 year old who struggled badly in maths in primary school. Now she's in a good secondary school though she doing great and caught up! So glad.

Thanks fidel1

I love HE and my DCs are much, much happier and more enthusiastic learners since I took them out of school. Might not be the right way for every child but it is for mine :)

Hi everyone. I would like to thank everyone who has replied to this. HE continues to cast a long shadow over me and I am finding it very difficult to move on from it. I have had many discussions with my mum about HE in the past and she has apologised for choosing to home educate me. I have forgiven her. I'd like to explain why I regret HE so much.

My biggest issue with it was that after leaving school, my social life quickly became non-existent. I have heard many stories about HE children who have vibrant social lives. Unfortunately, I was not one of them. I had minimal contact with other kids away from school. I was also an only child. This made me very lonely and isolated. I have read that HE requires significant effort on the parents' behalf to ensure their DC maintains an active social life. I do not wish to throw my mum under the bus, but I feel she didn't do enough to ensure I maintained a social life while being home educated. I feel I have never truly recovered socially. I am still struggling with this as an adult. I feel that HE is a ball and chain around my foot that continues to hold me back. I have never received counselling about any of this. Do you think it would be worth trying? I rarely discuss HE with anyone in real life as I find it upsetting to talk about.

I also feel that HE was very damaging to my career prospects. For starters, children at secondary school enjoy access to compulsory work experience and career advice. They also learn skills that are specifically designed to boost employability. I missed out on all that. Whenever I look at application forms for jobs, I am aghast whenever there is a section that asks about your educational history. I dread typing out the words "I was homeschooled. I did not attend secondary school." I feel I am at a huge disadvantage compared to people who went to SS. I believe that the vast majority of schools do a stellar job of preparing their pupils for working life in today's Britain. Everyone I knew at primary school who went on to secondary is doing very well in life. I am sure most of them would say school prepared theme exceptionally well for the next stage of their lives. HE didn't prepare me well at all. Also, I would be very interested to see a detailed breakdown on how popular HE is in various parts of the UK. I'm from a relatively poor area and people usually react with bewilderment when I tell them I was HEd. I went for a medical appointment a few years ago and the receptionist looked at me like I had three heads when I said I was home educated.

OP, I do think counseling would help. You sound stuck in the cul de sac of your experiences as a young teen, and you need a way out.

It sounds as if your Mum made the wrong choice for you, and having made that choice, went about

Phone posting! Went about it in the wrong way.

But you are still you, and you have the same potential as everyone else, you perhaps just need the confidence to unlock yourself.

On the other thread when people said loads of friends and neighbours HE'd I nearly posted 'where do you all live, Hebden Bridge?' But decided that would get me into trouble but I think there probably are areas and groups of people who choose HE as a pro active lifestyle (as opposed to those who find that their child is having a terrible time or needs cannot be met).

But in the end it isn't what anyone else chooses or expects, it's about you.

OP what broad field do your ambitions lie in? (You don't have to out yourself by telling us exactly what job you would like.) If you are still in your 20s you have time to follow your dreams and aptitudes.

I agree that counselling would be a good idea. If you are angry that you were socially isolated by your mother you need to deal with that. That's not the standard for HE and it sounds a bit as though you are misdirecting your anger at the government. (Remember that parents often isolate their schooled children too.)

I agree that counselling would be a good idea so you can move on.

I do think you have an unrealistically rosy picture of schooling. I enjoyed school but I can't say we had much career guidance (we did a computer program which said I should be a railway engineer - which I have remembered as it is so not me). We didn't have any additional career related skills - & I don't think that is a feature of schools today as there is such a huge focus on league tables.

Have you attended college since finishing HE? Would it be possible?

You sound as if you were very lonely growing up - do you still feel like that? If so there are things you can do about that which might help lay the HE demons to rest (fwiw I rarely see school friends & they are spread around the world now anyway).

I think you are hyper-sensitive about this issue and possibly, at least in part, blaming difficulties that would always have been there on being home educated. Who cares how the receptionist looks at you?

There is really no need for the social life you had as a teenager to still be affecting your relationships now. Could it be a case of believing it is and that becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? I was actually very unhappy for a portion of my school life and would say that I learnt nothing positive about friendships during that time - quite the opposite. There is often a re-learning and healing process in adulthood regardless of the experience in primary school.

Regarding employability, I suggest you look at some of the many articles on the web outlining how home education lends itself to creating imaginative, self-motivated employees. It's possible that you are cueing employers to react to this negatively when a more positive applicant could possibly put a completely different spin on it.

If your mum's decision to home educate you was such a poor one and carried out so poorly, I do wonder if your problems now are more about coming to terms with your childhood, and the ways you weren't able to develop as a result of the parents you had, rather than it being all the fault of being home educated. FWIW, it is unlikely that a monitor would have been able to strip your mother of her right to home educate, based on what you've said.

There are so many people who come out of school with rock-bottom self-esteem, having seriously under-achieved. There is no knowing how life would have turned out; an unrealistically rosy idea about school seems unlikely to help you.

Counselling would definitely be helpful.

On job applications is it necessary to state "did not attend secondary school"? Would it be enough just to list your qualifications with "Home Educated" in the box for name of school?

I very have distant cousins that HE on the basis there isn't enough Christian education at school. I can't say it something that appeals. Their son has lost quite a lot of perspective on life, he's about 9 years old and truly believes he's the cleverest kind on the planet when really he is perhaps average, he's just doesn't mix enough with peers for him or his parents to realise this. When this boy joins up with the real world once more he's going to be in for a bit of a shock.

I live in an area where home education is very popular, I know a lot of families that are excellent at it and their children come out the other end exceptional well educated and well rounded, and then there are a few others that cannot do the job justice.

We have very good home education groups in this area which get together a lot, so the children get lots of contact with other children.

We have some brilliant schools and some where it you left your child in a tunnel with a cabbage they would be better educated.

It just comes down to parental judgement call and ability.