My noise nuisance children

[Lucylongcat]

I've apparently been reported to the council for having overly noisy children. I live in the middle of a row of terraced houses on a council estate. The family next door to me moved in three months ago. They have a 9 month old, we have a 4 and 6 year old. I know it's that side that reported me, as the other side is my friend who I share childcare and school runs with (and whose kids can definitely give mine a run for their money on the noise front).

Do we make noise? Yep, absolutely. My four year old can scream for an eternity for such easily solvable reasons as wanting a plaster at midnight or needing to wear the owl hat currently in the washing machine or not wanting to go and pick her sister up from school. We can go weeks without a tantrum and she has improved no end over the past six months, but when she's feeling sick, we can have one a day.

The two of them are pretty well behaved, I'd say. They can play really nicely together for hours on end, but obviously they will fight over toys or the other one playing some game incorrectly. Then there will be an outburst of shouting and my husband or I will intervene and it will settle back down.

Obviously, our neighbours think we have those new fangled one way walls, because we clearly cannot hear their little cutie screaming from dusk till dawn. I just didn't realise that their child's noise is unavoidable, whereas mine is clearly the result of inadequate parenting.

AIBU to wish upon them the most demented hell raiser possible when the terrible twos kick in? And to hope they get a family with teenagers on the other side so that they can hear what a real family argument sounds like?

Incidentally, when we rang the council, they told us that everything reported sounded like normal family noise, that the letter was sent out automatically after any complaint, and that if that was all there was to the situation, they didn't think we had anything to worry about.

"I'm 100% certain my normal isn't far off centre,"

You don't sound very approachable.

It could be anyone who has reported you. you are so cross about it that I can see why someone would prefer to go through official channels than knock on your door. Don't be sure you know who it is in case you are surprised.

It's all very well to say now that they should have approached you directly but I bet you would have given a flea in their ear to the person who did. And it could actually be your friend.

You may not be as reasonable as you think (of course, then again, you may be - I don't know you) but you don't sound remotely open to considering that possibility.

The OP doesn't sound aggressive at all.

What exactly is your AIBU question? You don't think you are BU, so why bother asking?

I'm really baffled as to how anyone can comment on this thread to be honest!

None of us have any idea what the volume and frequency of the noise is - yes OP has told us and I believe her version, but one version is just one truth. And the truth for the neighbour maybe that through their walls the noise is really intolerable.

Sometimes a noise that sounds minimal from one area is ENORMOUSLY loud from another.

For e.g. my dh watches TV in bed and one floor below it is blaringly loud if I"m still up. When I go up to ask him to turn it down, I'm always surprised to find it's actually respectably quiet!

One other thing, to the people telling OP not to worry about it and ignore. Have you all lived next to noisy neighbours? We did once years ago when we lived on an estate in France. It was HELL. It really affected our quality of life even though it was only music about 3 times a week for a couple of hours in the evenings. It just infiltrated our home and we had to move in the end.

it wasn't because she didn't have a plaster, but a disposable hankie. I spent hours that night rocking her, soothing her, cutting up and offering vests, toilet roll, old sheets

Jesus Christ, do people really pussy foot around their kids like this in the middle of the night? No wonder they scream and take the piss out of you!
Take control back, you're the parent!

Oh and one more thing to add to my post above - your dc might be doing something you don't know about like banging radiators early in the morning repeatedly or kicking balls against the wall.

I love the idea that good parents have quiet children.

Vaginaa you were living up to your name. Nothing in the OP's post implies she is a 'noisy mum'.

YANBU, OP.

OP, you sound entirely reasonable to me. Some people on here are just determined to have a fight. And talking about eviction? FFS. You can't expect even well behaved children to be completely silent. And some people do complain about ridiculous things. When my older 2 were younger, they used to fight. A lot. I did my best to control it but didn't always manage it. I was constantly apologising to our lovely neighbours who were fine about it. When their teenage DD went through a stage of having very noisy 'gatherings', they were constantly apologising to us and we told them not to worry.
If you want total silence, go and live in the middle of a field.

leelu living up to her name? What do you even mean?

Living up to my name?

Why do I keep getting the comments from weirdos? Being told to get in the sea by one and now this. My reply was neutral compared to some others too. I get the AIBU bandwagon thing now

Yes both odd comments vaginaaa but why did you call yourself that or am I missing the joke?

Pmsl at the idea that good parenting always results in well behaved children. I was probably quite smug like that when I had a child who wasn't prone to tantrums. Now I know that it was just his personality rather than any particular thing I did/didn't do. I have had dc since who are prone to tantrums. Serious question but how do you stop a school age child from screaming and crying if they are having a tantrum? My youngest dc can keep up a strop for ages. I've tried, at various times, telling them off, sending them to their room to calm down, removing tv time, reasoning, explaining why screaming won't help, sitting with them until they calm down, ignoring the tantrum. But when they on a roll what can you do bar wait it out? What is the OP supposed to do to calm down her child so the neighbours don't moan?

As for pussy footing to my daughter over the hankie incident, it's my opinion that these things aren't really about hankies. On that occasion, my child was sick and it was more about not being able to communicate just how shitty she felt. Often I will get what they've had a week later and realised they've been incredibly brave.

Some tantrums are about children testing limits, others are about them being over tired, hungry, or sick. Some they can switch off in the blink of an eye, others they fall asleep exhausted and wake up still tearful, unable to even explain why they are upset. Some tantrums I will deal with by the threat of toy removal, others by comforting and administering calpol, still others with a banana for a quick boost to blood sugar while the dinner finishes cooking.

And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm very at this concept that good = quiet. Children make noise. Poorly very young children who struggle to voice how they feel sometimes scream. Humans are fallible whether they are children or adults.

Cross posted with nurse, but yes, that's pretty much it in a nut shell. You do what you think is best and sometimes there just isn't a magic solution. Tantrums aren't a very rational state.

I don't think you should accept noise in a terrace, rather people should learn to be quieter.
We live in a flat, both us and children know we cannot shout, have loud music, run around etc as it's simply not acceptable to our neighbours. We wouldn't like it if they annoyed us so we do the best not to disturb them.
Kids have plenty of time outside to run about and be louder, however I don't allow them to scream outside either as its not needed imo and annoying to others.
Babies yes they might cry, but people should do as much as possible to reduce, so leaving to cry would be a definite no

I don't allow them to scream outside either - well you sound like a barrel of laughs I think it's good for children to be able to have fun and be noisy whilst they play.
Op yanbu mostly. Kids are noisy and they'll learn that soon! A 4 year old should know better at night time though but obviously it depends on the circumstances. Ignoring the people who complained is probably the right way to go about it. I hope it doesn't cause you too much stress.

No, there's playing and shouting around having fun with friends outside and there's screaming which half the population now seem to do

I understand the difference between playing loudly and actual screaming. I agree that the real screaming is annoying, but it's usually something I see in older children playing outside by themselves. I'm not certain how much control adults have over it. I've already tried to impress upon my children that you don't scream unless you've sustained singer kind of injury requiring medical attention, but I think I might be doing the equivalent of my neighbour if I said that my children would never scream.

I'm a bit precious about them playing out unattended, to be honest, but that's an entirely different AIBU.

I have no children at home now to disturb neighbours, but I have noticed that my semidetached neighbours laugh a lot when they have visitors, how dare they enjoy themselves! It has come to the point lately, that whenever I have a visitor, I ask them to laugh loudly, and I incite my grandchildren, 8 and 4, to have fun, just so that I can get my revenge. (and so that said neighbors don't think I am a lonely sad old fart)

Queen, you are obviously bvu. Don't you know tickling and such are sins against silence?

throwing, why does anyone call themselves anything on here? Do you ask every user you interact with why they chose their name? Another weirdo

I think if you call yourself 'vagina' you are going to get more comments than someone that hasn't got a genitalia-related nickname. I think you are being rather disingenuous if you say otherwise. But feel free to keep calling everyone weirdos.