My noise nuisance children

[Lucylongcat]

I've apparently been reported to the council for having overly noisy children. I live in the middle of a row of terraced houses on a council estate. The family next door to me moved in three months ago. They have a 9 month old, we have a 4 and 6 year old. I know it's that side that reported me, as the other side is my friend who I share childcare and school runs with (and whose kids can definitely give mine a run for their money on the noise front).

Do we make noise? Yep, absolutely. My four year old can scream for an eternity for such easily solvable reasons as wanting a plaster at midnight or needing to wear the owl hat currently in the washing machine or not wanting to go and pick her sister up from school. We can go weeks without a tantrum and she has improved no end over the past six months, but when she's feeling sick, we can have one a day.

The two of them are pretty well behaved, I'd say. They can play really nicely together for hours on end, but obviously they will fight over toys or the other one playing some game incorrectly. Then there will be an outburst of shouting and my husband or I will intervene and it will settle back down.

Obviously, our neighbours think we have those new fangled one way walls, because we clearly cannot hear their little cutie screaming from dusk till dawn. I just didn't realise that their child's noise is unavoidable, whereas mine is clearly the result of inadequate parenting.

AIBU to wish upon them the most demented hell raiser possible when the terrible twos kick in? And to hope they get a family with teenagers on the other side so that they can hear what a real family argument sounds like?

Incidentally, when we rang the council, they told us that everything reported sounded like normal family noise, that the letter was sent out automatically after any complaint, and that if that was all there was to the situation, they didn't think we had anything to worry about.

Maybe the baby is crying because the screams of your own kids wake him up? Just a thought.

How long do your kids spend outdoors every day, running around and playing in parks/ forest/ playgrounds (I don't know where you live)? Maybe you should up that a bit if they are that noisy? It's a wonderful thing if your children are very active, and not happy to be quiet all day long, but you need to take them out. If you chose to live in a terrace, you need to be considerate for your neighbours.

Do some posters just use AIBU as an excuse to be as unpleasant as they possibly can to the OP?

yes

I used to work in housing and met 000s of folk who were as sensitive as hell to other people's noise

They were a fucking nightmare

I feel.sorry for you, op- and sorry for the council officer who has to waste their time dealing with this sort of stuff

I'd love to see how some of the parents of perfect, compliant children handle a screaming 4 year old who cannot be calmed down.

Children who are too good & compliant actuslly worry me because I wonder what methods have been used like the nspcc advert about the baby who doesn't cry because he knows it's pointless.

I don't think finding it difficult being woken three times every night by a pair of primary-aged children screaming the other side of my bedroom wall, with no parental intervention, makes me "sensitive as hell" or a "fucking nightmare."

They were the fucking nightmare.

balletgirl - taking them away from the party wall between the bedrooms would be a good start.

Swimming lessons once a week, football for oldest, dance for youngest, additional swim session, usually a party or soft play once a week. We also do baking, play lots of board games, card games, Lego, duplo, roleplaying games, playmobil, a bit of Minecraft. There isn't a much running wild at all. When the kids start annoying each other, I initiate an adult led activity. We don't get out to the park as much as I would like in winter.

Discipline is consistent but varied. Today is stay up night, so when the girls started shouting at each other this afternoon, I told them they would lose five minutes stay up every time they spoke poorly to each other. Neither of them needed to lose any more time after the initial warning.

Like the earlier poster, my issue is that once the youngest losses her temper, she really struggles to get back in control.

Lucy this is where I find MN very contradictory. If you were in a supermarket, and your child had a tantrum, everyone says just leave them, don't make a fuss, shoppers have to understand children have tantrums and so forth. But children also have uncontrollable tantrums at home! How are you supposed to reason with a four year old having a meltdown? The advice is always to 'ignore them' but ignoring them means about 30 min or even more of screaming in our household.

How do you know it is definitely the couple with the baby though. It seems odd for a couple with a baby who will cry to complain.

My aunt lived next door to neighbours who complained about any noise. (My aunt's house was not noisy - they had a baby who made baby noises & teens who were quiet for teens). They were a nightmare - I was there when they started hammering on the wall because the baby whimpered.

Some people are unreasonable.

Agree it may not be the baby couple though - that seems odd.

They are just being precious neighbours who believe the world revolves around their one, spindly infant's sleep patterns. I think we were all a little bit like that with our first? Cut them some slack - they're first time idiots. You know you're doing fine, and the temper tantrums will pass from your little one.

Just leave it to the council. They'll call you in and you explain. We've had this before. Our son is autistic although he does sleep reasonably, for an autistic child. It was normal family noise. Some people need to realise they are not in a detached house. And even then . . . we've house sat in detached house and, well, you hear peoples' cars starting up in teh morning, taxis idling in front of houses late at night, people in their gardens, etc.

i live in a detached house....the boundary is the wall of my lounge and bedroom......my neighbour (early 30s) thinks its his god damn right to stand in his driveway and bang his crap against my wall when im on nights.....getting my own back now though!

I'm with the people who ask how you definitely know it was her, you could be condemning your relationship with her for ever without cause.

I once had an unreasonable noise complaint from someone who lived several doors away when the children were playing outside and it really can't have been that loud there and they hadn't been playing for longer than a few minutes, she's just intolerant. At least she did it in person though.

I would knock on neighbours door and say you've had a complaint and you wondered if she had one too as obviously she has the baby making usual family noise too and see how she reacts.

The reason I thought it was them was because we've lived here several years and no one else close by is new. I'm on hedge chatting terms with the next few houses around. Next door but one, I don't really know, but the house smells badly of pot, so I can't imagine them being keen on council visits.

Also, my (only just barely) four year old had three bad tantrums in the Christmas week (this is unusually high and I put it down to over excitement). On one of them, I absolutely had to leave the house, so she ended up being carried over my shoulder. My neighbour left the house at the same time and have me an absolute look of disdain.

I'm not going to act any differently towards them, and really don't bear grudges, so if I have made an error, it's not terribly important. The very worst I'm likely to do is to not accept parcels for them for a month out of petty spite.

Yes, I'm that evil.

Oooh, I've just seen silverducks post. I wish I was brave enough to do that. I have no poker face however, and would end up firing some weird squinty suspicious look at her that would end all hopes of ever passing by in the street without cringing.

Fair enough!

I suspect we are a noisy family and when we were in a terrace were lucky enough to have noisy (but nice) neighbours both sides and we all just agreed that life makes noise (thank God).

Thanks for lovely posts like just stepped out and others by the way. I definitely will cut some slack. I also will, despite being adamant I'm not a noise nuisance, keep my ears open for any excessively noise, but like HP said, I don't really think we should have to tiptoe round in every day life.

Sorry but it sounds grim living next door to you op and I wouldn't be so sure about nothing can be done of this counintes with no end in side the offending party can be evicted in extream cases

I'd very much doubt that I can be evicted from my own home for occasional tantrum noises.

OP there are a lot of grinches on this thread - ignore them. If what you say is true (and I have no reason to doubt you) then your children are not especially noisy and you are managing them perfectly acceptably. I'd happily live next door to you.

If it was said neighbour she is out of order.

I thought you were going to say she had MH problems, hyperacusis etc but she would still be a hypocrite given her noisy DD.

Thanks pointy and proud. And on that high note, noisy neighbour that I am, I'm going to bed.

Good enough parenting equal well behaved/quiet kids

Neighbours may see the error of their ways when their 9 month old turns 3...

It obviously sucks for you, op. I agree with what Vaginaaa says though (and I'm not saying you are a shouty mum) - our neighbours have noisy kids and a mum who shouts/swears louder than either of them and as a result I'd never dare go round to ask her to stop her kids banging on the party wall and running up and down the stairs until gone 9 at night for fear of getting a smack in the mouth.

But, then, my pfb is still a baby, so no doubt as she reaches toddlerhood she'll give them a run for their money on the noise front. I hope.