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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that most official NHS/HV advice for settling babies to sleep is too hard to follow

42 replies

KatyBeau · 15/01/2016 06:14

The usual advice is...

Watch for signs of tiredness - apart from the eye rubbing when my baby is really overtired, it looks the same as crying for anyone her reason,

Put the baby down drowsy but awake - not sure what this even looks like. The only time my baby is drowsy is after a feed, but...

Don't feed them to sleep - My baby is half asleep through pretty much every feed, despite very attempt to wake her throughout. It's so much easier to feed to sleep (plus Inget sleepy too so am not with it enough to do anything about it!)

Sleep in the same room but on a separate surface - So baby is too big for a Moses basket and never did sleep long in one anyway. Could buy a side sleeper cot but it's now a lot of expense for only a couple of months' use. Tried the travel cot, won't settle. So sharing a bed is risky and so is putting them in a separate room before 6 months old. Running out of options!

OP posts:
StarlingMurmuration · 15/01/2016 06:32

We do drowsy but awake now - milk at bedtime, THEN bath and a story. Sometimes he falls asleep when he's getting his story, most of the time he is still awake. With naps it's just pop him in his sleeping bag and leave him. BUT he's 14 months old, and we did have to do sleep training. Before six months he was fed and rocked and cuddled to sleep, and wouldn't do naps anywhere but on my chest.

Ridingthegravytrain · 15/01/2016 07:00

It's complete pot luck. Your baby will either do it or they won't and no amount of cue watching will "help" them self settle

I've had one of each type

camelfinger · 15/01/2016 07:10

Totally. My favourite phrase is "putting the baby down for a nap". As if you just put them down and they go to sleep. And agree about feeding them to sleep: what are you supposed to do? Poke them when they're sleeping peacefully? I just end up nodding and agreeing and then cursing whoever gives this advice later on when the baby won't sleep whatsoever.

Strangertides1 · 15/01/2016 07:14

Take that book and throw it out the window! Just do what works for you. Children don't develop adult patterns until they are 4! I fed both mine to sleep, the oldest is nearly 4 and sleeps like an adult now.

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 15/01/2016 07:21

Yeah that crap stressed me out no end. Drowsy but awake has become a running joke in my circle of friends, we were all like WTAF when we met one day and ended up laughing and laughing! My son was bf and fed to sleep ALL THE TIME. it was virtually unavoidable but I worried about it and used to get stressed and upset. Due my second soon and I will feed it, rock it, whatever. Because after a year I can do gradual retreat training and at two years my son is (finally) sleeping through. It won't last forever. Do today what needs done today. Tomorrow is a different day.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 15/01/2016 07:24

Drowsy but awake sums up my entire parenting existence! That's how I feel constantly Grin

Cumberlover76 · 15/01/2016 07:32

Totally agree with Stranger, do what works for you. I bf DD to sleep until she was 14 months as worked and was easy and relaxed for us all, one night she just pushed me away and didn't have it any more. She mostly settles herself at 4 now after a story and a cuddle, but if she wants cuddles she'll get them as she won't want them forever.

TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 07:35

I feed mine to sleep and he sleeps in his own room. He sleeps through so it works.

Advice is just that, advice. Tailor it to you

dinodiva · 15/01/2016 08:47

Currently lying in bed feeding 4 month old DD to sleep...

She's also going to be moving into her own room this weekend.

Original poster
KatyBeau · 15/01/2016 09:47

Well my 4 month old has been spending the first part of the night in a separate room since 3 weeks. But of course all the SIDS advice says not to put them on their own and I go through periods of feeling really guilty about it.

In the end I'm just aiming for all involved to get some sort of balance of sleep needs. They don't half make you feel like trying anything other than the recommended arrangement is an unacceptable risk.

I'm sure the risk of depressed, anxious and sleep deprived mothers falling asleep in armchairs or standing next to a cot for half the night is far riskier!

Plus if a Moses basket isn't working for you, are we all really supposed to be able to afford to shell out for a bed side cot as well? I just wish there was more support and information on alternatives.

OP posts:
IJustLostTheGame · 15/01/2016 10:09

That book helped me!
I used the damned thing to prop dd's cot from swinging which did help her sleeping.

Just do whatever works.

toomuchtooold · 15/01/2016 10:50

If they were honest in those guides it would say
months 1-4 do whatever it takes - dummies, swaddling, Euan the bloody dream sheep, running the hoover next to them all night for white noise
months 4-6 all the sleep props will stop working now and they will wake up every 90 minutes. Stay strong, and take comfort from the fact that the sleep deprivation means you won't really remember anything from this time.
month 6 onwards - sleep train them out of all the bad habits they picked up in months 1-4 but don't tell anyone because they will judge you

Maybe just my kids Grin I actually had one perfect sleeper and one deeply, deeply angry one.

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2016 10:56

She's also going to be moving into her own room this weekend.

Why?

TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 11:20

I'm sure the risk of depressed, anxious and sleep deprived mothers falling asleep in armchairs or standing next to a cot for half the night is far riskier!

I fell asleep with DS in bed and I'm on medication that means I don't easily wake up. I only woke up because my mum found us.

That was what made me put DS in his own room. We both get a good nights sleep and I'm a much better mum for it. The guidelines aren't rules, you're not wrong for doing what works for you.

knobblyknee · 15/01/2016 11:24

Dont feed them to sleep? That was the only bloody time mine would fall asleep! Do you have to shake them awake? I'm confused. I must have been a really crappy parent.

SkiptonLass2 · 15/01/2016 11:30

I'm managing sleepy but awake at nights for my 3 month old (I'm as amazed as anyone, but I tried it one night and now he will generally drop off by himself.) I feed him to that "eyes rolling back" point the put himin his cot and sneak out.

"Putting down for a nap" in the day still leads to nuclear meltdowns :)

C'est la vie.

Original poster
KatyBeau · 15/01/2016 22:40

Toomuchtooold - you are spot on! 😂

OP posts:
TamaraLamara · 15/01/2016 23:47

I fed mine to sleep well into the toddler years. It worked a treat so I didn't see the point of putting both them and me through the stress of trying to unlearn that habit and do it a harder way. Funnily enough, despite all the warnings of rods/backs, etc, they go to sleep on their own now.

I did what worked best for us, and smiled and nodded and told the HVs a load of fibs when they asked about our bedtime routine Wink

PlummyBrummy · 16/01/2016 05:23

Drowsy but awake = fastest way to enrage a baby. Do what it takes for your child to get to sleep and forget the books!

purplefizz26 · 16/01/2016 07:11

We ignore any advice and guidelines that don't work for us.

Aslong as your parenting isn't harmful or dangerous you can do whatever you like to get through the day!

I cuddle and rock my 2 year old to sleep in a rocking chair every night and for every nap.

It takes ten minutes max (unless ill etc) with no drama or fuss. She sucks her thumb, snuggles into me, and falls asleep like a dream, transfers to the cot with no trouble. 11 hours at night, 1 hour in the day.

When she is particularly tired she will get a blanket and lay down by herself and fall asleep, so I know she is capable, but cuddles form part of our bedtime routine so without that she gets a bit confused and upset and struggles to doze off.

Well the god that is the HV said we must get out of that habit and put her down "sleepy but awake" etc...

I just nodded and smiled. Why the hell would I swap a nice, pleasant, easy way to put my DD to bed for a more stressful and long drawn out approach?!Hmm

0hCrepe · 16/01/2016 07:15

We took the side off a normal cot and put it right up next to the bed which acted like a side cot. The mattresses were at the same height.

MrsUnderwood · 16/01/2016 07:16

"Drowsy but awake"- lol.

MrsMook · 16/01/2016 07:20

Do what works for you. For DS2, that meant between 4 months and 10 months when he could crawl enough to burn some energy, his bedtime routine involved bouncing like a loony for over 2 hours in the jumperoo before being fed to sleep. His personal best was 4 hours.

RookieMonster · 16/01/2016 07:22

I ignored everyone's advice and did what worked for us. Best thing I've done!

PennyHasNoSurname · 16/01/2016 07:24

You dont have to shell out for a bedside cot if theyve outgrown the moses basket. Move the cot into your room or buy a crib (£30 from Mothercare brand new).