To think that most official NHS/HV advice for settling babies to sleep is too hard to follow

[KatyBeau]

The usual advice is...

Watch for signs of tiredness - apart from the eye rubbing when my baby is really overtired, it looks the same as crying for anyone her reason,

Put the baby down drowsy but awake - not sure what this even looks like. The only time my baby is drowsy is after a feed, but...

Don't feed them to sleep - My baby is half asleep through pretty much every feed, despite very attempt to wake her throughout. It's so much easier to feed to sleep (plus Inget sleepy too so am not with it enough to do anything about it!)

Sleep in the same room but on a separate surface - So baby is too big for a Moses basket and never did sleep long in one anyway. Could buy a side sleeper cot but it's now a lot of expense for only a couple of months' use. Tried the travel cot, won't settle. So sharing a bed is risky and so is putting them in a separate room before 6 months old. Running out of options!

I'd like to see an updated guide which includes what to do if they don't drift off to sleep quietly in their cot [bitter laugh at the very idea] So what do they advise if you put them down sleepy but awake and they gradually work themselves into the sort of screaming hysterics that causes neighbours to call SS? My DD didn't settle and was getting wound up so DP picked her up to rock her to sleep. For 40 minutes she screeched as though we were stabbing her. Then I give in and fed to sleep but even then she took 10 minutes to relax from her stress and panic.

Don't feel bad about the side cot. We've got one and DS is yet to spend more than ten minutes in it. He'll sleep on the bed inches from the side cot but he won't get in the bloody thing.

Yanbu. My HV's advice was more in line with toomuch
I really can't get my head around putting a baby in it's own room before six months tbh, sorry.
Mine were fed to sleep. They grew out of it eventually
On their back, in a cot in your room, don't overwrap, don't put bumpers etc on the cot, don't drink and cosleep, never fall asleep on the sofa with them.
I have forgotten most advice but that all seemed like a good idea

It's the fallacy that 'drowsy but awake' means a baby will be compliant with whatever the grown ups want...

Instead of jerking awake in horror and panic that their only source of safety, food, cuddles and love is going away!

I did 'controlled crying' for

I'd love to see a study done into how many babies actually do follow that advice!

what planet are we living on ? Sleep guide lines for babies ffs ! people of all ages sleep without being told how to, we've been doing it for millions of years ! no wonder the n.h.s is hard up if it wastes money paying 'experts' to write this guff -doh !

Oops pressed post too soon...

Middle sentence should say I tried patting and the 'no cry sleep training' thing that failed utterly, and 'controlled crying' for 15 years minutes which went against every fibre of my being. H took over and lasted another 5 mins and then broke and I dashed in to find poor DS panicked and dripping with tears and sweat and his poor little heart was racing. Must admit I was in a similar state!

Not exactly the result expected in the whole 'drowsy but awake' claptrap! Sure some babies do it but it's not fair to pretend all babies will behave the same... I thought I was doing something wrong and added to the angst and sleepless bonkerness of that time.

Best piece of advice I was given (off the record by a friend who is a pediatrician) was

"If you get to the end of the day/night and your baby is warm, fed, loved, has slept and is still in one piece, then you've cracked it - do what works for a) the baby and b) your sanity and worry about the other things after. There is now right or wrong way, just your way. (Within reason)"

She also said for developmental milestones "As long as they do it in order and roughly at the right times, don't worry about when they do it or compare them to other children."

Both those bits of advice have totally saved my sanity - DD is now 13 months, I'm still relatively sane and the "organic-tofu-reading-by-the-age-of-6-weeks competitive parents" at the local mother and baby group are still comparing their children to each other and getting their knickers in a twist "because they're clearly doing it wrong".

Do what works for you.

'Don't feed to sleep' is bullshit. It's impossible to follow as most babies fall asleep after feeding and breastmilk makes them drowsy. Put down drowsy but awake didn't work when my DD was smaller, as she only had two 'settings': sound asleep or wide awake. At some point it does become possible.

We went from Moses basket to cot and it took two or three nights for her to get used to the much bigger space, but eventually she slept there. And I could sleep too, knowing that she was in the safest possible place. (Of course some parents swear by co-sleeping but I would be to worried to get any asleep myself.)

On second thought, that should probably read "at some point it may become possible [to put down drowsy but awake]"

don't feed to sleep is bullshit agree.

Do whatever works!
I have done whatever it takes to survive. Co sleeping, feeding to sleep, and then when I am feeling able to cope, trying to put him back in the cot. After a horrible phase when we had to take him for 50 minute drive every night to get him to sleep.... He just started not falling asleep on the boob and letting me put him down. Now I can mostly just put him down and leave which is a bloody miracle at 9 months! But they're all different and I'm sure baby no 2 will not be so easy......

I really wish MN had a "like" Burton. Drowsy but awake - WTAF! Whatever gets you through the day/night. My DD stopped feeding to sleep from 3-5 months - it was HELL. I bounced her in the pram over the door saddle. Now she feeds to sleep again, I think when something stops working and YOU'RE FORCED to do something else, then do it, and try everything. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Agree, look for cues - hair rubbing, ear rubbing, whinging, but then do what your baby needs you to do. There's not many grownups that still feel to sleep, we all worked it out! ☺

*button

I had a client at work who was like "yes i can speak to you at this time, I'll be putting the baby down for a nap" and I was just thinking, how?! How do you do that? My baby is older than hers and I can't do that! They're tricky creatures for sure.

With the benefit of distance from newborns (10 years), it seems like this is written with an eye towards an older baby who is used to being put to bed awake, so that you can avoid the raft of sleep-related issues.

I always just took the path of least resistance.

Ds has 3 settings. Awake. Asleep. Half asleep and ready to scream til he puked if i tried to put him down or leave the room too soon. He only started settling,once i stoped bf at , to start he would fall asleep on our bed. Then moved him into his bed with bath, , lights out. Stroke to sleep. Then started settling more easily. Started sleeping through night at 19mo. Now occaisonally even lets daddy settle him without calling for me.
Looking forward to no.2 having to be woken for feeds like my brother, as my mum helpfully mentions everytime sleep issues crop up.

Put the baby down drowsy but awake - not sure what this even looks like

Drowsy but awake is the state most people are when they go to sleep. I cant see what is complex to understand what it means.

It is the state of being tired and ready for bed. But conscious when going to bed.

"Drowsy but awake" means don't try forcing a baby who is not tired to go to sleep. But try to put down to sleep before unconscious.

My baby is half asleep through pretty much every feed

Yeah. Normal and within "drowsy but awake". Half asleep is not asleep. Feeding to sleep then rousing slightly while winding is enough for baby to be drowsy but awake when put down to sleep. The problems arise when baby is completely and totally asleep when being put in cot.