to be shit scared of getting cancer?

[watchingthebox]

n/c for this as worried I might cause offence to people have been affected, and this is really not my intention I promise

3 weeks and a third person in the public eye has died of this horrible disease. lemmy from motorhead, david bowie and today we have lost alan rickman :( ....all only in their late 60's . the stats are not good, and seem to be getting worse. isn't it now 50% of us are expected to get it?

it seems indiscriminate, you can be healthy, normal weight, not smoke, be fit etc and you can still get it

there just seems to be no escaping it....I am 36 and remember years ago it seemed to be quite rare and then only if people were heavy smokers and / or / elderly. but sorry to sound morbid people just seem to be getting it left right and centre nowadays

i had a scare myself a couple of years ago, found a lump, needed a biopsy, thankfully was nothing. but i will never forget those few weeks of hell it made me physically ill, I lost tons of weight, couldn't eat or sleep or function. since then it has been on my mind a lot.

death itself actually doesn't scare me. if i dropped dead tomorrow then so be it. what scares me is the idea of losing a loved one. or it happening to me, falling ill and being told i am going to die. and sort of, waiting to die. possibly going through treatment getting my hopes up and it doesnt work. again I am sorry if this post is morbid or offensive to anyone ...I do suffer from health anxiety so that doesn't help

exactly - we all die and there will be a cause.

that's why health anxiety is a tricky one, no-one can say 'it won't happen to you'.

the trick is to make the most of every minute.
also - 69 is not a bad age.

It is a worry. I have had a friend diagnosed late last year with a not terribly nice form of breast cancer (none of them are nice, obviously, but some are less problematical to treat than others with better outcomes). Plus an Aunt with another breast cancer (a less problematical one, but diagnosed at a much later stage) and a cousin who died of cancer, probably lung (never found the primary but she died from the liver mets, quite suddenly and quite badly, though I won't go into detail).

Then today discussing advanced altzheimers and dementia type stuff with a coffee group of old crones and wonder if perhaps the alternative is dying dazed and confused in a nursing home in your 90's and I really cannot decide what is worse and I don't mean that badly, but I really don't know at what point I'd rather succumb to something physical but with my mental capacity intact. I suspect early to mid 80's but ask me when I'm 79 and I'd probably be inclined to disagree.

So I've decided it is better not to think about it but to live your life generally not thinking about it but with affairs in order generally (tidy well organised house, within reason, finances generally in order, and just get on with it and enjoy life (without overly contributing to risk).

What else can you do?

Definitely try and find a way not to let it encroach on your healthy, happy years.

By all means try and reduce risk factors, drinking to excess, smoking. Take some exercise, reject frankenfoods (within reason), wear sunscreen (mostly anyway) and SMILE if you can. What else can be done? Go with it.

The best death I heard of was that of an 86 year old man who got up, went swimming, came home, at a sandwich and some brie, and had a massive stroke on the sofa in front of the early afternoon news. I'll take that...

100% of people will die, at some point

They all have to die of something.

Cancer used to be taboo, people did not talk about it when I was young. Now it is more "visible", which is a good thing, it raises awareness.

We can't all live to 100, sadly

Just try to live the best life you can

Op it isn't indisceimate and it isn't more common now despite how it seems (and I agree).and I don't mean to upset anyone who has suffered or is suffering . Childhood cancers excepted of course as I don't think we know the causes :(
I have had two elderly relatives die recently from old age, effectively. They were both fit and health until weeks/months before they died. One was 86 the other 96. So it can happen.

I'm pretty much resigned to it. Yet I'm only 44, and still healthy.

Both my parents had it, all but one of my grandparents too. (The one that didn't died after the wheels of her car got stuck in tram lines many years ago, so 'before her time' as is said). All 6 of my aunts (and mom & dad) had strokes too, but I don't know if the causes were hereditary.

YANBU to worry about it, but I don't. If it helps, whenever the thought enters my head, I eradicate it by thinking of happy things I've done that can't be done again, and wondering what new amazing things are just around the corner. Anything further than a year or two - nah.

(And try and make sure you belly-laugh at least once a day, or even better - make someone else laugh. Humour is a wonderful gift.)

OP - the chances of you getting cancer before the age of 50 are negligible. People fear cancer but more people die of heart disease (I'm a cheery soul).

It's sad that Bowie and Alan Rickman have died but they were old, had lived fulfilling lives both in terms of career and relationships.

I lost my Dad to cancer, just before Christmas. Like Bowie and Alan Rickman, he was 69. I know that some people say that's 'old' but he had a lot of life left in him, if it hadn't been for the disease that cruelly chipped away at his health, his mobility, his dignity and then took his life in a horrible end.

Both of my siblings have been diagnosed with cancer, one of them with 2 types. They are still healthy as they've had their cancer removed, but Dad's was found too late.

I do fear that there's a genetic thing going on now and that I might be susceptible, but I can't be tested under the criteria. Nor do I think there would be much point.

Was discussing cancer with a friend only the other day having lost a cousin to it recently,and another close relative diagnosed with it.I understand how fearful it can make people feel but being a nurse for years,and knowing the fantastic work our local hospice does I can honestly think of other ways of dying that would scare me far more.And tbh we all die of something ,sometime.
Not to dismiss the pain anyone's experience of cancer,or loss of a loved one but I would far rather die with good pain management,surrounded by my loved ones with the chance to say goodbye than be blown up horrifically in some terrorism act,or in a terrible accident.Or dying suddenly of a heart attack.But that's just my view.I have also always felt that degenerative conditions like Motor Neurone disease and MS would fill me with dread more and that fantastic as it is Cancer charities get so much support charities supporting these conditions,and other lesser known terminal conditions need a higher profile and more support.

I've got the BRCA2 gene and had breast cancer two years ago. I've also had my ovaries removed to prevent ovarian cancer. I'm 38 now.
Cancer is a horrible bastarding disease but it's not the death sentence it used to be. I had a colleague who died at 40 of MND. That would be truly horrible.

Celine Dion's husband has lost his battle with cancer too.

Oh no :(

It's understandable to worry, but you've got two choices:

A)be immobilised by fear and spend your life worrying about something that you can't change
B)get on with life. Enjoy it. See what happens

I say this as someone who was diagnosed at 21 - all of the treatments I had can cause different cancers in later life.

I can get into the worrying cycle about relapsing. But then I make myself think about something else. It's not the most complex solution, but there's always plenty of other things to think about, worries that can actually be resolved. What may or may not happen isn't one of them.

I blame social media. You can't escape from it, share this, share that. The constant advertising from the likes of Macmillan doesn't help either.

I often feel the same OP, it seems to be around every corner. The older I get the more I worry. Despite the fact I lost both my dad & Mil pre-60 as well as a close friend, I don't think it has increased, it just gets more publicity these days.

I take the rather pessimistic view that I WILL get cancer at some point in my life, as 50% of people do. That way, if I AM ever diagnosed, then it won't be a total shock. However, I also think that with early detection survival rates are continually increasing, so I see it as a phase of life that I will probably go through & come out again the other side.

I look after myself, though. i exercise regularly, don't drink very much, don't smoke and eat well (no meat). I also don't have cancer in my family (that I know of).

I'm petrified. My family die of either cancer with metastases in the lungs, so they suffocate. Or neurological conditions that cause their breathing to fail, so they suffocate.

I have an overwhelming fear of suffocation and drowning and it's a huge cause of anxiety for me, a massive one. I'm petrified of it.

I struggled with awful health anxiety for years. I got so bad with it I could barely function. I'm not still completely recovered and never will be, but I no longer spend hours and hours searching my body for signs. I convinced myself I had every cancer under the sun and it was evil. I was so so scared and ill with it and I couldn't see a way out of my personal hell.

When my children lost their dad to cancer it got worse for a while (my ex dh). I was petrified of them having to go through it again with me. It took over my life for so long and I was a shadow of myself. I saw him dying, I still have to deal with our children's grief and it did a huge number on me.

Now? Now I work on oncology wards and in oncology clinics and see people dying from cancer all the time. It triggers me now and then but that is how far I have come :) I am still scared of the thought of leaving my children behind of course, but after being with so many cancer patients it has really put things into perspective for me. I will have times where I get ill with it again, I know that and I have to keep on top of it but for now I have turned a huge fear around and support others who really are dealing with it.

I work with people dying of cancer every day and I think it does make me quite fearful of getting it. I worry more about dying in pain or with uncontrolled symptoms and losing my dignity. I see quite a lot of young people die leaving young kids behind and the thought of that happening to my kids terrifies me.

Op I feel the same as you, I lost my dad to Cancerwhen I was a child and gran. It certainly seems to be increasing which is scary.

I worry about it too OP, I've had a lot of older relatives have cancer. Looking at my chances, it's either going to be cancer or dementia.

There was a programme on the radio a while back about how cancer is the most dignified death. The argument was that once people have got over the initial shock, they have a chance to get whatever they need to in order, make sure they tell anyone they love what they want them to hear, and they have some control over the way the end of their life is managed. And it's easier for those left behind, as they have time to get their heads around the idea of you going, and say proper goodbyes. Much harder for those left behind if one day you're fine and the next you've been hit by a bus.

Disclaimer - I've never had cancer, I bet it's bloody terrifying and I don't mean to disrespect anyone that's had it.

I was terrified of cancer too up until 2 years ago when the dreaded c word crossed my doctor's lips. I was a few days shy of 36 and was told I could begin treatment or undergo a partial hysterectomy. I chose the hysterectomy.

Cancer is not always a death sentence and it no longer scares me. Should the bastard find another way in, I will kick its ass all over again.

OP, and others, you have a real health condition - health anxiety - that is robbing you of your wellbeing in the here and now. It can be dealt with though and may have to be battled with at times throughout your life. The best thing you can do is look for treatment - CBT etc - with your whole heart.

Cancer is not one disease, it's like saying you are frightened of viruses. Some cause a cold or vomiting, and at the other extreme are HIV or Ebola.

Many cancers are curable, some are diagnosed earlier due to screening and we have an aging population. I work in oncology and we are very lucky with all the charity work that supports us. What makes me sad is that those working in psychiatry, elderly medicine, etc, where people often suffer more and relatives and carers get hardly any of the support they need, have a fraction of the charitable support and funding, and actually less government funding.

When you look into your health anxiety you'll probably see these things as having manipulated your thinking.

The other thing that seems to help my patients is faith of some sort. When life here is all you have then you will hang on to it at all costs. A belief that there is more than this seems to help when it comes to issues of mortality.

I am still surprised by the amount of pain people are often in though.

My ex was in agony and it wasn't until the day he died that he was given enough morphine to block the pain completely. On the ward I have seen people in agony as well and the pain killers help but not completely. They were reluctant to give my ex a morphine pump until the day they knew he was right at the end and when the cancer had made him delirious and he no longer knew who anyone was.

I never asked anyone why that was. I was going to ask the doctor I was working with the other day but never got round to it. Does anyone here know the answer?

Working in the clinic helped show me that while we hear so much about people dying of cancer we don't hear enough of the people who survive it and there are many.

Same here. I'm healthy but we've had cancer in the family so I'm always worrying about it and everything else that might kill me.

And it's easier for those left behind, as they have time to get their heads around the idea of you going, and say proper goodbyes. Much harder for those left behind if one day you're fine and the next you've been hit by a bus.

It can be that way.

But with my children's dad it really wasn't. He was told he had two weeks to two months to live. My eldest son refused to believe it at first. Then they convinced themselves he would survive for a lot longer. The last time they saw him they had planned to see him two days later and spend some quality time with him. It never happened because the following day he woke up not knowing who they were and he died that evening so they never really got to say goodbye in the way they wanted to or got their heads around the idea because it was so quick. He had cancer for four years but when he was told he was terminal it was so quick, that no one had time to get their head around the idea that he was going. He did manage to sort out his will and funeral but even he believed he would get one last Xmas with the children and despite his short prognosis he didn't think it would be as soon as it was.

So he went from walking and talking (albeit in a lot of pain) and making plans to dying the next day without anyone realising it would be quite that soon. We thought there would be a gradual decline so we knew when the last few days would be, but it didn't happen that way.