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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to object to MNHQ forcing a MALE/FEMALE gender binary on my account.

732 replies

HairyLittleCarrot · 14/01/2016 11:43

I don't have any GENDER.

My MN account forces me to pick from two 'genders'.

I can't even opt out, it's a forced binary choice.

I'm not agender, pangender, cisgender, transgender, male gender, female gender or ANY GENDER.

If you want to know my sex, I am happy to provide that information. But you'll have to add that in as a field, because it doesn't exist currently.

Sex and gender are not the same thing. If you insist on collecting data by gender and making it a forced choice I would like an option as follows:

"Reject gender as a harmful, made up, bullshit concept".

Then when you analyse your account database you can say
X% identify as female gender
Y% identify as male gender
Z% reject gender as a bullshit concept.

AIBU to request MNHQ to alter my account details so that they do not misrepresent me?

OP posts:
OpheliaMoo · 15/01/2016 17:39

Not this again

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 15/01/2016 18:16

Smillas - what is mansplaining?

You can find this out on the internet. His posts were extremely 'mansplainy'.

I've not read the full thread butI agree with the general view of the op and others concerned about transfer activism encroaching on women's rights but if you are referring to the other poster as a man when she had just said she doesn't like that then you are very cruel.

That other poster is a man, and told us he was a man. And isn't a trans woman, he's just a regular man posting, who has a wife, as he made clear in his post (though he made it clear by way of karyotype, i.e. XX and XY, so maybe that's why you missed it). I expect he's bemused that you're calling him 'she' if he's still reading!

If I was fat and said I don't like describing myself or other people describing me as fat then it would be pretty nasty for you to then make a joke calling me fat.

I may have misunderstood what the words mean but the whole tone has really turned me off to your argument and I actually agree with what I've seen of what you've said

Not every man posting on Mumsnet is a MTF trans person. You clearly thought I was referring to such a person.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/01/2016 18:21

So, which did you choose? You obv ticked something to be on here complaining.

fascicle · 15/01/2016 18:27

venusinscorpio Re: your fears about offenders who are transgender skewing data - what makes you think that statistics on transgender status will not also be kept and referenced?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/01/2016 18:33

what makes you think that statistics on transgender status will not also be kept and referenced?

Surely that would be transphobic, by suggesting that a trans man/woman is not the same as a man/woman?

BombadierFritz · 15/01/2016 18:33

May as well ask our star signs as this namby pamby wishy washy gender stuff

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 15/01/2016 18:37

venusinscorpio Re: your fears about offenders who are transgender skewing data - what makes you think that statistics on transgender status will not also be kept and referenced?

Haven't they already been skewed in the US precisely because of this? Maybe it wasn't such a hypothetical prospect...

BombadierFritz · 15/01/2016 18:38

We know the national offender management service doesnt keep stats on transgender as they tell us so. I seem to remember reading they might start doing so, although how, if birth certs are changed, i dont know

LieselMeminger · 15/01/2016 18:58

Posting this as it's been asked how many different genders there are.

to object to MNHQ forcing a MALE/FEMALE gender binary on my account.
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/01/2016 19:00

Posting this as it's been asked how many different genders there are.

That's a lot of tick boxes to put on a form Shock

venusinscorpio · 15/01/2016 19:04

what makes you think that statistics on transgender status will not also be kept and referenced?

Because that's not the way things are going.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/01/2016 19:41

How come on that chart of genders the first 2 are male and female?
Shouldn't that be masculine and feminine?
Can people decide whether female & male refer to sex or gender?
Nobody is consistent.

And there's no Zorro sign. Boo

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/01/2016 19:44

I thought epicene was a geological period Blush

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/01/2016 19:50

itsAll

I couldn't even read them, very tiny letters on phone!
and I got distracted as they symbols look like balloon people with party hats on

biboergosum · 15/01/2016 20:11

For most of us, this is a purely academic debate. We may resent gender as a concept, but it is very acute if you feel yours is wrongly assigned. I feel the tick-box thing at mn registration is just that, a ticking the box thing. I have a gender=sex teen, all good and they can go on about how meaningless the concept is, they look, sound and appear as they should on account of their sex. I feel this myself. I think gender is meaningless and shouldn't exist. I am the mother of another child, too young to understand any of this, and they do not at all align with their perceived gender.

Intellectually, I know gender is nonsense, seeing a pre-teen struggle I am not so sure. I hope they can one day join mn on account of gender not sex.

Original poster
HairyLittleCarrot · 15/01/2016 20:18

they do not at all align with their perceived gender

what does this mean?

What do you mean by them having a "perceived gender"
and not aligning with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
HairyLittleCarrot · 15/01/2016 20:22

your post seems to suggest
your preteen is sex A
but they aren't very good at aligning with the gender stereotype that society expects of sex A
and you think gender is nonsense
But you hope MN preserves gender stereotypes instead of sex in the future????

Can you clarify?

OP posts:
biboergosum · 15/01/2016 20:25

Which bit is hard to see? The world expects them to be a boy/ girl because they are male/ female. They feel at odds with perception. There are only two flavours to pick and they feel strongly they are assigned the wrong one. Intellectual arguments of a feminist who doesn't believe in gender (me) don't cut it.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/01/2016 20:28

But are there only 2 flavours to pick? What about the diagram ^ that shows all the different gender types?

Egosumquisum · 15/01/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

biboergosum · 15/01/2016 20:30

Yes, a 42 yo can see that, I do, a pre-teen cannot see more than 2 unfortunately.

Egosumquisum · 15/01/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

biboergosum · 15/01/2016 20:38

Well, they have a hazy feeling of being not much of a (insert perceived gender), but would make a great (insert own-defined gender). I and they know what sex they are and we both understand this is a biological reality. I hope this is a phase or something. They have no such worry. My point was just that, should it not be, they can define gender. I myself find the concept of gender hard to swallow.

Egosumquisum · 15/01/2016 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

biboergosum · 15/01/2016 20:44

They are actually utterly convinced they are the other. I have always felt there should be no need to be and this being 2016 not 1916 there shouldn't be. I feel my convictions challenged by a pre-pubertal child. So I for one would like mn to keep the gender rather than sex identifier if there needs to be one.