Overtaking funerals

[Owllady]

Please don't do it. You just look like a twatty twat
Overtaking a hearse reversing into the churchyard whilst the family watch on. Biggest nobber in nobsville
I'm glad that's sorted

I was at my step brothers funeral a few years ago. All stood outside the crem waiting to go in. He was only a young man and there were about 300 mourners.

We were all doing that awkward small, sad talk you do at funerals when we heard the distant roar of an engine accompanied by meatloafs 'Bat out of hell'. An old citron came hurling around the corner, going much faster than the 5mph speed limit, screeched to a standstill and a middle aged bloke in jeans and a diesel t shirt dived out.

Lots of cats bum faces and 'hmm not really appropriate' conversations going on as bloke rumaged around in the boot of the car. He eventually emerged robed and collared up, had a quick rolly up fag then led us in.

Step brother would have loved such an inappropriate vicar!

At my Mum's funeral, as the our car arrived at the crematorium, gardener there stopped digging, took off his cap and bowed his head as we and the hearse passed. He must get disturbed so many times a day but I can't tell you how much this simple act of respect meant to me.

I wouldn't mind if someone respectfully overtook a funeral procession I was in. If they were beeping horns and swearing etc then they can FTFO, but if they overtook sensibly and safely, say as you would a horse and rider, then I can't see the problem with that.

When I die, I certainly wouldn't want some poor soul shitting themselves because of my funeral procession. Or missing an important doctors appointment, being late for a job interview that might affect their life, or even just being late to pick up a child from school who might be upset (albeit for a short time). I'll be dead, what would I care? I certainly wouldn't want my death to cause any more upset and inconvenience than it already would have to my family.

When I die, I will not care of people overtake. I spend my life in a rush but that day, I will not be in a hurry to get anywhere. I must mention it to my family because I really don't see the problem with overtaking.

At my son's funeral i wouldn't have even noticed what anyone else was doing. I looked at no one and spoke to no one that whole day. But i agree it is disrespectful to overtake a hearse.

I think when I go I want something simple like Bowie has had, but if not then I really won't give a tiny rats ass if people overtake my coffin. I probably won't know a damn thing about it. Frankly I wouldn't want to be farting about at 20mph, holding everyone up and pulling out in front of other cars at roundabouts. I wouldn't do it now, why would I insist on it when I'm dead? If I'm going to have a parade I want it whilst I'm alive to enjoy it.

And besides, I like fast cars I would rather go to my own funeral in a Ferrari, if we're allowed to be picky, because god knows I'll never afford one whilst I'm alive! And my immediate family know I am not to be put in a hearse - they remind me too much of the old ambulance they used in Ghostbusters. I have told my family that I do not want one under any circumstances (unless said hearse is done up Ghostbusters style, sirens and all - that would be extremely acceptable to me).

Where and how I am buried is far more important to me than how I am transported there.

bimandbam I want that vicar.... he sounds cool! You could imagine that happening in Only Fools And Horses!!!!

He was fantastic. He had met my sbro about 9 months before when we buried my step dad (it was a bloody rough year) and I suspect he got sbros number then! He was a cheeky lad. Always up to no good, always in bother with someone and always the life and soul of the party. If he was there he would have cheered the vicar on and offered him a light for his roll up fag. But taken the piss out of his music!

That vicar bombing around the corner and emerging from the boot of his car with his fag dangling from his lips is my main memory of a very difficult and sad day.

I wouldn't give a stuff if anyone overtook my hearse! Actually, I would rather hope that they do. Life is short. I wouldn't want my funeral procession to waste a single moment of anyone else's life.

It's been more than 30 years since my 3 year old sister's funeral, I can still picture the cars that felt in necessary to try, and fail, to overtake the funeral cars meaning they were interspersing the procession.

I have always paused what I'm doing if I see a funeral prosession drive by but this thread has shown me that it would be better to really stop and make it clear that I'm stopping what I am doing. I don't do the sign of the cross as I'm an atheist but I'll bow my head in future.

I don't think the point is whether the deceased person cares if someone overtakes. Quite clearly they don't.

I think it's about showing respect for the grief of the mourners

One of the joys of driving a police car is I can hold up the traffic to let a funeral cortege pass and no one will argue with me.

Yes, the deceased has no idea but the family need all the help and strength they can get to deal with the day and not being cut up by impatient other drivers.

If I can assist, I will.

I am in no way wanting to be "goady" or "contrary", and I wouldn't do it because I understand "it's not the done thing" but I really don't know why it's not the done thing to overtake a hearse. What's the history behind this etiquette, does anyone know? I mean, the person in the coffin is dead so they aren't aware of anything, but why is it seen as so disrespectful to overtake a funeral procession?

When I die I don't care if people overtake me because to me it's nothing to do with "respect". I'll be dead. In fact, if I have to travel in a hearse I'll instruct them to get a shift on and get up to the speed limit, and let anyone who might give a shit I've died know not to get upset that I'm travelling a bit faster than the norm.

I loved my Mum, but when she was being driven to the crematorium in a hearse I couldn't give a toss if she was overtaken. As I said, I genuinely don't understand it. Grieving, to me, has nothing to do with rituals such as slow hearses and not overtaking them.

I'm surprised at the amount of twats on this thread, with and without IBS.

I can't honestly believe that people think it's ok to overtake a hearse reversing into a churchyard whilst the family are standing there watching and waiting. It was vile and it really wasn't at all necessary. I know I am right, I was hoping it would make people think a bit more about how their selfish actions affect others. It seems not.

I agree Owllady. The 'I don't care if people overtake my hearse' people spectacularly missing the point completely too.

My GM's funeral was 23 years ago. Today, the family could still all give you the description of the car (red sierra estate) which did this en route to the church, but a car came in the other direction so he had to pull back in, between the hearse and the first car in the cortege.

Looking back, it was probably for the best that it was the cortege cars were being driven by the undertakers. Had that first car been driven by a family member, there may have been a less dignified response than ignoring the twat.

"overtake a hearse reversing into a churchyard"

"It was vile and it really wasn't at all necessary"
How do you know whether it was necessary or not?

I think most people here are talking about generally overtaking a hearse, not one that is maneuvering into the churchyard, but again you dont know WHY they were in a hurry - yes it might be fine for you to wait, but if they're about to shit themselves or what about this mn-er £90 'fine' for 3 mins late, you just dont know the circumstances around it

Yes the majority (probably) in fairness are just arseholes, but some arent.

You don't know my circumstances either. Maybe I was in a rush? Maybe I had someone with IBS in the car? I prefer to use my manners and be thoughtful to other people, even if I don't know them and I'd hope people did the same to me and others too. It costs nothing except if it involves IBS, a nursery, or whatever else it seems I'm not a special snowflake

So IBS and being late for a Nursery pick and wanting to avoid a fine up are 2 of the acceptable reasons?

I think they are both valid reasons, if that Mn-er gets fined £90, her children might not eat (extreme i know)

All i am pointing out is that some people have reasons that you might not know about or agree with, but that's for them to weigh up in their own minds - and sometimes there are valid reasons for doing things that you think are disrespectful.

If someone is about to shit themselves, (picking on the IBS one) how does the rights of the person who's died/ mourners trump their right to dignity? We all know there are plenty of arseholes out there who will overtake because they are more important than anyone else out there - but I still stick with my person about to shit themselves has more right to dignity than upsetting a mourner

Actually, people who have passed over are very much aware of what's going on, but they really aren't going to be fretting about funeral etiquette, as pp have pointed out that is for the benefit of the mourners left behind. I think that random overtaking for no reason should be avoided out of respect for their feelings, but I still hold that there may be circumstances in which it may be necessary, and I would hope that even as a mourner I would understand and let it go.

That's a bit woo for me liz.