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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been sharp with this dad on the postnatal ward

92 replies

Azaeli · 13/01/2016 13:10

Visited my friend in hospital yesterday, she'd had a difficult birth the day before, was very tired and emotional.
The woman in next bed had her husband and 3 older kids visiting (ages 2-10). They were very noisy, kids running riot, shrieking, shouting and peeking round curtains while my friend was trying to BF
After an hour of this I went up to the dad and told him sharply to keep the noise down and get kids under control, said this is a hospital ward and other women are trying to rest/sleep. He responded that his kids are excited to meet their new baby sister but agreed to try and keep them quiet.

Half an hour later they were even louder, chasing up and down squealing. My friend was tearful as she wanted to rest and was upset by the racket. I collared the dad again and said the noise was unacceptable and if he couldn't keep his kids quiet he needed to take them off the ward. He muttered about it being 'visiting time' but took the kids out.

Was I BU? I feel a bit uneasy about it now but I remember the same thing happening when I'd just given birth (only being too sore and tired to do anything about it!) Would you have said anything?

OP posts:

ChatShitGetBanged · 13/01/2016 13:54

yanbu i had this after i had dc3 a couple years ago

people have no consideration at all ffs

personally i wouldn't have said anything to the family though but mentioned it to the ward staff

Whatdoidohelp · 13/01/2016 13:54

I would have down the same but you should have alerted a member of staff.

Mebathiscold · 13/01/2016 13:58

YANBU. You have to be pretty thick not to realise letting your children run riot in a hospital ward isn't on.

Fratelli · 13/01/2016 13:58

You were brill! Hospital staff don't have time to sort things like that and your friend needed you there and then. Good for you! I hated how inconsiderate visitors were when I was in hospital!

LumelaMme · 13/01/2016 13:59

I wouldn't have lasted an hour.
I'd have asked nicely after 15-20 minutes, got snappish after another 20 and then probably gone in search of staff.

RockinHippy · 13/01/2016 13:59

YDNBU

The only thing you were a bit unreasonable about, was waiting so long to speak up

Well don e

VegetablEsoup · 13/01/2016 13:59

Hospital staff don't have time to sort things like that

but they should as it's their duty of care...

Ipsos · 13/01/2016 14:00

I would have been glad to have you as a visitor when I was recovering. The lady next to me was very loud and wanted a sharp talking to.

Wineandrosesagain · 13/01/2016 14:01

Good for you op. Too many people seem to have no awareness of the impact of their and their children's behaviour on other people and a hospital ward is absolutely not the place for children to be running around peeking around curtains and what not. I would have done exactly the same as you, unless there was a nurse passing by at that time (though my experience is that they are usually too busy, not visible, or are unwilling to deal with rowdiness).

Bodicea · 13/01/2016 14:01

This is why I was discharged just 24 hours after my section. I wasn't ready to go home at all but hadn't had a wink of sleep. Had a section in the morning and was put straight on a noisy ward with visitors etc so no chance of sleep in the day and at night the babies took it in turns to shriek. At one point the midwives took my baby for a couple of hours but the two other crying babies meant I still didn't sleep. I was delerious with tiredness by the end of it. When they couldn't offer me a side room the next day I chose to go home. The journey home was horrendous, I felt every bump but it was worth it to get some much needed sleep. I was lucky at least that I had got on top of breast feeding but if it had been my first baby I probably would have failed as I needed a lot more help establish I bf with my first.
Thing is they want you to go home early as they are overstretched so making it a nice place to be doesn't help their cause.

diddl · 13/01/2016 14:01

I was wondering if OP had said that she fetched staff to deal with it she would have had replies saying what on earth for, they have enough to do as it is!

rogueantimatter · 13/01/2016 14:02

I always assumed the nurses have a policy of using visiting time to do stuff, as they never seem to be around then.

You're a good friend OP.

(once on a different ward a fellow patient engaged in a noisy row with her teenage daughter. It was horrible.)

Sparklycat · 13/01/2016 14:02

You were being a great friend. The world needs more people willing to remind others of rules!
When I was on the ward after a horrible birth experience the woman opposite me who had been there 5 days already...(and snored like anything all the time) had 5 adult and 4 children visitors. The males were extremely aggressive to the nurses when they asked all but 2 to leave (only 2 visitors per bed) and flat out refused saying they had to stay as the woman couldn't speak English (I'd had perfect English conversations with her). They got kicked out by security eventually and swore/threatened the nurses all the way to the exit. There needs to be a way controlling visitors on wards most def!

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 14:03

Hospital staff do have time to sort stuff like that out. Stuff that is affecting patients in their care.

I remember a brilliant Sonographer taking time to sort out the person who was tapping away on their mobile in the days when they weren't allowed to be used in the hospital.

ursuslemonade · 13/01/2016 14:04

Dad and darling children should have kept quiet, the hospital is not a social club?playground.
If my partner and child were the ones making noise I would have told them to leave as I'm a considerate person by nature. And I know what is it like to try to recover from birth (and spending 4 nights in afterwards) only to be forced to listen to 5+ visitors nattering for hours next to me when I try to sleep for half an hour.
Visitors were in the wrong in the first place, anyone who thinks op should have spoken to him politely first are probably not very considerate people themselves. It's just common sense to control your children (and be quiet) when women walking around not too steady on their feet and trying to rest.

cleaty · 13/01/2016 14:05

YWNBU. I hate this idea that is common now that we should leave everything to paid staff. We all have a responsibility to create decent environments.

mollie123 · 13/01/2016 14:09

Wasn't there a policy reported in the papers last summer about 'new fathers/partners' being allowed to stay overnight on maternity wards ? I hope that idea was abandoned asap - whole families being on a maternity ward and causing mayhem is a far worse situation

good for you OP - I hope I would have done the same.

I remember when I was in hospital a few years ago post op for a woman's operation and the new intake were coming in accompanied by OHs and once the woman was on the neighbouring bed the man decided to stay and talk instead of just leaving asap. I was in pain, catheterised and tired as hell and I could cheerfully have hit both of them but too knackered to raise a complaint although I wish I had.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 14:12

I just wouldn't have words with anyone. People are strange, and many react strangely and sometimes dangerously to having another person tell them what to do.

frangipani13 · 13/01/2016 14:12

I was recently on a postnatal ward for 5 days where the patient bedside bells were constantly ringing as the staff simply couldn't get to everyone, even to administer drugs, so they couldn't have policed the behaviour of visitors. You were a great friend; people need to be more so considerate excited siblings or not. The kids were probably bored stiff a few minutes to as the new baby would have been much more appropriate

LuciaInFurs · 13/01/2016 14:13

YWNBU. Just visited a friend and this exact same situation happened. I didn't feel like dragging nurses away from their very important work so told him that my friend had just given birth by general anaesthetic and like a lot of women around him was tired and scared and in pain and that the level of noise his four kids were making was unacceptable.

He didn't say anything to me but told them to be quiet. Why do people think think this is acceptable to do? All my friends with babies have talked about similar situations.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/01/2016 14:23

They would never have got away with being so disruptive for so long on the ward I was on after having my DCs!

The midwives were lovely but very strict on such things. The sign on the door saying who could visit at what time (partners at any time, no children apart from patients' own DCs etc.) even stated "well behaved children only please" .

Of course the children were excited but their father should have appreciated that not everyone feels fabulous after having a baby and, at the end of the day, he was on a hospital ward.

I would also have said something to a staff member - but then to the man directly if a staff member was unavailable/unwilling to speak to him at that time.

A bit of consideration goes a long way.

amarmai · 13/01/2016 14:39

you are ace, op. wish you'd been my visitor when i had my dd 40 yrs ago-no curtain and i was supposed to be bf while a horrible man at another's women's end didn't even pretend he was not staring at me ,while he smoked. The peep show maternity ward male 'visitors' are still at it . Fast forward 35 yrs,the same dd was in a bf class , which was paraded thru by several men openly staring and smirking at the booby show. No women came thru or cc.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 13/01/2016 14:45

Er....what staff?! I've had three babies including a c-section with my first and staff are pretty hard to come by! Those that are there are pretty busy and over-stretched.

So well done for sorting this out yourself instead of bothering the staff. More people should be up front and sort things out between themselves rather than getting others involved unnecessarily.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 14:48

But being up front and sorting it out yourself could get you a thump in the car park or worse.

GraysAnalogy · 13/01/2016 14:50

Staff would prefer you to go get them to sort it out rather than potentially cause a ruckus. I don't know where you lot have been but I feel bad for you that nurses were so hard to come by. There is ALWAYS a staff member in each bay in the hospitals I've been in.

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