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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been sharp with this dad on the postnatal ward

92 replies

Azaeli · 13/01/2016 13:10

Visited my friend in hospital yesterday, she'd had a difficult birth the day before, was very tired and emotional.
The woman in next bed had her husband and 3 older kids visiting (ages 2-10). They were very noisy, kids running riot, shrieking, shouting and peeking round curtains while my friend was trying to BF
After an hour of this I went up to the dad and told him sharply to keep the noise down and get kids under control, said this is a hospital ward and other women are trying to rest/sleep. He responded that his kids are excited to meet their new baby sister but agreed to try and keep them quiet.

Half an hour later they were even louder, chasing up and down squealing. My friend was tearful as she wanted to rest and was upset by the racket. I collared the dad again and said the noise was unacceptable and if he couldn't keep his kids quiet he needed to take them off the ward. He muttered about it being 'visiting time' but took the kids out.

Was I BU? I feel a bit uneasy about it now but I remember the same thing happening when I'd just given birth (only being too sore and tired to do anything about it!) Would you have said anything?

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 13/01/2016 13:35

Staff are going to be hard to find and busy with patients. When did it became more socially acceptable to let kids run riot somewhere inappropriate than for someone to tell them to pack it in? You elf right OP and I bet your friend wasn't the only patient who was grateful.

Hihohoho1 · 13/01/2016 13:36

Good on you op.

Kids shouldn't be running around in any hospital ward as bloody dangerous.

I am always amused by the what members of staff

I was a ward sister in the 80s and we had far far less staff floating around than you see today on general wards.

My dm was recently in hospital and there were 10 nurses around the station at visiting time.

The care was excellent btw.

blaeberry · 13/01/2016 13:36

I would have spoken to ward staff. My ward had a sitting room they took us to when a largish crowd of visitors arrived for me and I then used it when my dc visited in subsequent births as it was easier for them than crowding around the bed. There may have been something similar on your ward that staff could have directed that family to so they could enjoy meeting their new sibling.

diddl · 13/01/2016 13:36

OP shouldn't have to leave her friend to go looking for staff.

And if none had been by & said anything in an hour, why shouldn't she speak up.

Also, if she had told someone, would they have come & dealt with it immediately?

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 13:38

Staff may be hard to find but IMO they should be the ones to tell anyone on the ward about their behaviour. Your friend could have pressed the buzzer maybe?

whatevva · 13/01/2016 13:39

No - you did right.

If there were ward staff around to sort it out, they would already have done so. Some people need telling directly, or they will never work it out.

Original poster

Azaeli · 13/01/2016 13:40

I thought of asking the ward staff but they all seemed very busy.

I was probably angrier than I should have been it just makes my blood boil when people are so selfish. When my friend walked to the loo she had to take her catheter-bag (on wheels), the kids stared and one shouted 'is that a bag of wee?' My friend was mortified. Also they were running up and down and lots of the patients were unsteady on their feet. Totally out of order IMO!

OP posts:

vladthedisorganised · 13/01/2016 13:41

I agree with IsItMe. Being a wuss, I might have said 'this is obviously boring and cramped for your children, and it's disturbing my friend. Have you asked if there is a sitting room you could all use, or would you prefer me to ask for you?'

That said, I remember being reduced to tears myself by other women in the postnatal ward complaining about DD's crying (I had no idea there was a sitting room I could have gone to, was just told 'can't you shut that baby up? It's bothering other people.' Sadly, no, and believe me I tried... )

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 13:41

If there were ward staff around to sort it out, they would already have done so

Not necessarily they may not have realised that the behaviour was a problem and someone was upset about it.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/01/2016 13:42

Maybe ward staff could have called security to "escort" the unruly family out? Honestly not sure if they would.

Either way, I don't think you did anything wrong.

blaeberry · 13/01/2016 13:43

I've just remembered it wasn't a large crowd of visitors. My bil and family turned up in the morning (visiting was 2-4pm) so I said (to dh) they couldn't come in as other mums were resting and they needed to come back in visiting hours. The midwives then suggested the sitting room much to my annoyance as I wanted to rest too.

RevoltingPeasant · 13/01/2016 13:44

Thing is, maybe it would have been ideal to get a ward sister or whoever to sort it out.

But if you choose to behave rudely and selfishly in public - or let your kids behave like that - you run the risk that someone is going to tell you off.

Just like someone who decided to light up a cigarette on a train...or park so as to block a street...or whatever... ideally you'd get train crew/ parking officers to tell them.

But sometimes, people like that are just going to find they get a direct response. It's probably good for them. That, or he is so thick skinned it will make bugger-all impression on him, in which case, who cares what you said.....

OnlyLovers · 13/01/2016 13:44

they all seemed very busy.

So? You can still approach them.

Sunnymeg · 13/01/2016 13:44

Children under 11 aren't allowed on the ward at our maternity unit. There are a couple of visitor rooms that can be used if children visit. I thought this was standard procedure, but obviously not.

Feeches · 13/01/2016 13:45

YADNBU. I was in a very similar position to your friend. Hectic post natal ward, visitor limits not enforced, desperately trying to bf, loads of noisy kids in the next bed. Fucking horrendous.

toffeeboffin · 13/01/2016 13:46

YANBU.

When I gave birth the idiots next to me were so loud they had to send the security guard to shut them up.

Katenka · 13/01/2016 13:47

These sort of things are the reason I refused to stay in the night that ds born. I went to the ward at 9am. It was noisy. Not just normal noise.

But women shouting at the nurses, women shouting down the phone at their OH. A couple at the end arguing about what outfit to put the baby in etc.

It may have been more reasonable to speak to the staff. But I would have done the same.

I think there would be less people acting so selfishly if people confronted the problem straight on.

NinjaClaws · 13/01/2016 13:48

You sound like a fab friend to have around. I wish you'd been there when I was on the postnatal ward and there was a family nearby oblivious to everyone else trying to recover.

The dad was being unreasonable taking the kids onto the ward and not keeping them under control. It's a hospital not a fun park.

As for asking the staff to intervene...what staff?
Why does everyone think it's someone else's job to resolve difficult situations?

DixieNormas · 13/01/2016 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OohMavis · 13/01/2016 13:50

That sounds stressful. But, visiting times are never going to be tranquil, peaceful affairs are they?

I'd have asked a member of staff. And I certainly wouldn't have said and if he couldn't keep his kids quiet he needed to take them off the ward, it's really not your place to do that.

Also, not really the point, but if my friend had said to me that she needed to rest now I'd have taken that as my cue to leave.

VegetablEsoup · 13/01/2016 13:51

yanbu
but tbh I would have expected the staff to ask them all to leave after a short visit.

Tatie3 · 13/01/2016 13:51

If have been so grateful to you if you'd have been my friend, it's bad enough having to be on the ward without having to share your space with rude, noisy people.

OnlyLovers · 13/01/2016 13:52

Why does everyone think it's someone else's job to resolve difficult situations?

I don't think 'everyone' thinks it's a generic 'someone else's' job. In this case it was pretty clearly the job of those who work on the ward.

Katarzyna79 · 13/01/2016 13:52

i think adults are worse especially those who sneak into the ward in the middle of the night when their partner has just delivered to settle them in, then they don't leave for several hours. i was subjected to these adults chattering for many hours with 2 births now, so i don't want to stay in hospital at all. kids i can tolerate it's not like they are as aware as adults.

missingu · 13/01/2016 13:54

I don't really think it was your place as a visitor to tell off other visitors tbh.Children of a patient have more right to be there than friends IMO
You expect a bit of chat and noise at visiting time.
No thy shouldn't have been peeking round the curtains, but if young children are allowed then I think you have to suck it up to some extent They are going to be very excited at seeing their mum and meeting their new sibling.
Their mother might have had a diffcult time too and been upset by you criticising her DC.
I think you should have spoken to staff and let them judge the situation.

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