This has the potential to turn into a massive long rant, so a summary:
Me: mid-40s, DH and I both work FT in specialised professional jobs. We have a one-year-old DS. My elderly mum has a neurodegenerative condition and moved next door to us (at our suggestion) a few years ago. She is more or less housebound although is capable of walking round the shops for half an hour or so if I drive her there.
I go and cook her dinner every evening. She can't eat with us because the time she needs to eat clashes with DS's bedtime and she refuses to eat a lot of stuff we like. I take her to appointments, shopping etc which can take up significant chunks of the weekend. I often get very little thanks because she's too busy criticising me for stuff I'm doing wrong with DS and I certainly don't get the sense that she realises how wearing this is and how little 'downtime' it leaves me, especially since DS was born. I've been basically her only source of support since DF died 15 years ago. She's always been quite self-centered and that's getting worse. Understandable in view of her situation but I find it hard that she never seems to consider that I'm a person too.
Anyway.
DH and I haven't had a holiday since before DS was born, and haven't been abroad for over three years. The last time we went away, we organised a carer to spend time at DM's house, but she had to pay for it, didn't like some minor aspects of it (eg the woman smoking in the garden), and so doesn't want to do it again. DH is going away for three nights with work soon and she's refused to countenance getting someone else (eg her sister who lives a couple of hours away) to help while I'm on my own looking after both her and DS. In fact, she wants to sleep at our house "because that'll be easier for both of us." No it won't.
The implication of this, of course, is that, if the only person she'll get help from - even for a couple of nights - is me, then we can't ever go on holiday. That's not fair on DH and DS.
Am I just being a selfish cow?