to be at the end of my tether re: my exH and our DDs weight/diet?

[livvielunch]

DD is 9 yo and weighs around 5 stone and is 118cm tall. She is overweight. Her dad has her EOW, once a week midweek and half of holidays. DD is very greedy; if there's food around, she'll eat it. I've discussed it with my exH before after she's come home talking of having eaten an entire family bag of doritos/malteasers. He thinks she's fine and tells her repeatedly how skinny she is

He took her to school this morning and so prepared her lunch, too. In her breakfast and lunch I'd say there was at least 35 spoons of sugar altogether. She already has two fillings and he has been asked to reduce sugar but still remains convinced that what he feeds her is fine. If I bring up her weight/diet with him, he says it must be my fault because she's here more but I have to restrict her a lot because of how much she's eating there. Aibu to feel utterly helpless here? She was absolutely down in the dumps after school and craving sugar to fix it.

I also have a 118cm dd, 8yo, 3st. She eats more than your dd seemingly does. She is active and sporty, but not as active as your dd yet yours weighs 5st. Find out where the secret food comes from. Siblings, school gate, sugar eaten straight from the jar in your kitchen at night?

Does she otherwise have a clean bill of health? Is there any chance she could have any undiagnosed health disorders that are causing her to retain weight?

IANAD I just saw a similar storyline on House and while I absolutely don't want to alarm anybody unduly, if the other explanations don't seem to stack up it could be worth considering - just for completeness.

I agree that something doesn't quite work here. DD is 9, 137cm and around 4st. She has never been a big eater but eats a lot more than your DD does while at home.

Could she be getting food elsewhere?

Is there any chance she's binge eating in secret?
As far as I remember, this is the child you didn't want to take on holiday with your new family? I'd say binge eating would be perfectly understandable.

This has become Food Wars. Has your dd heard you discussing this with your ex? of course she has

The only way to start sorting this is to find a way to work with your ex rather than criticising his choices. Agree that your dd is the focus and her well being. Get a third party to mediate if necessary because this is very early in her childhood and there is time to change this. I agree that educating her as to what is healthy and makes her feel good is key as well.

A friend of mine was secretly eating jam, evaporated milk and nutella from jars and tins at her own and everybody else's house around that age. I got into trouble for her finishing a huge jar of honey round ours and I got the blame.

OP
Cut out her snacks! French children (and mine!) manage with no snacks so she can too.

See the doctor. Try to get Ex H to go So he can be re educated. Educate your DD on healthy eating.

If she is short and overweight she needs to be seen by a paediatrician, your GP can refer her. I think you also need to take the pressure off for now as it sounds as though food has become a battleground. Have a healthy selection of food and snacks, allow her access freely for a while and gradually re-introduce discussion of healthy eating.