AIBU to think a 6 year old should let others sleep

[Dogtired000]

On mobile so will keep brief.

6 year old DD often wakes in the night and almost always goes to the toilet.

She is incapable of not waking up me and DH... Either through being loud when going to the toilet itself or then going back to bed and (rather than lying down and closing eyes), sitting in bed and playing with toys/singing/getting out of bed to play with anything available (for example socks)

There is no UTI. No signs of anxiety when waking.

Things tried so far

Not giving drinks in the 2 hours before bed

Gro-clock

Practising going to the toilet quietly

Removal of toys from bedroom

Stickers

Telling very sternly to go to sleep

Going to bed early the next night so she has a sense of missing out.

These will work either on the night or for a couple of days (stickers) but we always revert to type.

We don't get more than a few days uninterrupted sleep and it's now at the stage where DH and I, when hearing her go to the toilet, stay awake as we know she'll start making noise at some point in the next hour. She often stays quiet for 30 mins then gradually ramps up the volume. Going in to tell her sleep when she goes back to bed after using the loo seems to have little effect.

She goes to bed at 7.15 ish light out 7.30... Up at 7-7.15. We tried making bedtime later but she becomes unmanageable.

AIBU to think it's not realistic to expect an (admittedly emotionally immature) 6 year old to understand it's ok if she isn't sleepy but she needs to lie down with her eyes closed - QUIETLY?

Suggestions welcome!

YY to what TeenandTween said. DS had no idea how to relax and get to sleep for ages either. I used to have to sit in his bedroom and remind him to lie still and be quiet. Even as a baby, he had no concept of relaxation! He had to either be feeding or strapped into something to fall asleep.

Headphones won't wake her up "more" because she's already very awake if she's playing with toys etc. DS will also do this because he can't stand being bored for all of five seconds and so if he doesn't fall asleep immediately then he thinks he has to get up and do something. Luckily he hates getting up in the morning, so if he wakes in the night, he thinks it's morning and wants to sleep!

Hence, give her some concrete things she can do which will help her relax. She's already trying to do nothing, and failing because the impulse to do something is overriding the idea of doing nothing. If she has something to do rather than just waiting there in the dark when five seconds (apparently!) is torturous, then she's more likely to stick to it.

Getting something to stop the door banging sounds like a good plan. We live in a flat and have done for the last 2.5 years but DS still doesn't remember not to jump all over the floor. Young children don't really do gentle considerate movement!

I would make her a list of the things she can do if she wakes up in the night and put it somewhere she can read it or look at it with a nightlight or torch. They should all be activities which make no noise and are also non-stimulating and relaxing to her, like reading, turning on a projector type light and lying in bed looking at it, listening to a relaxation CD with headphones, lying in bed thinking about a story, deep breathing, counting as far as she can in her head, anything like that.

I found with DS, eyes closed wasn't necessary for him to relax but still and no talking, humming or other noises were key.

Sounds way too long in bed for a 6yr old. Either give her an audio book or if she's a confident reader a safe lamp, and tell her the reward for using them, and staying quiet is she gets to stay up later the next night.

Also try to make it so that any trips to the loo are lit with minimal light. We use a couple of these www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00EIIDA1Q?keywords=motion%20sensor%20light&qid=1452544768&ref_=sr_1_3&sr=8-3 Motion sensitive nightlights - 2 on the landing, one in the bathroom. Had a similar problem with DS1 - he would go to the loo most nights and leave the bathroom light (with extractor) on and the landing light - and that would mean he would struggle to get back into sleep mode - and wake light sensitive DH up.

The night lights turn on (but not too bright) if any of us go to the landing and then the loo. Enough light to do the necessary but then they turn off pretty swiftly.

Less bright light may help a little?

My 6 year old wakes for a wee every night (or sometimes wets the bed!) she is scared of the dark so screams mummy every time she needs a wee. I just take her and then go back to bed. I just see it as one of those things of having a small child. My 6 year old sleeps 8pm-6.45am so maybe your dd needs a later bedtime? Just a thought. If she can't settle back to sleep can you give her a (long) book to look at and tell her she isn't to wake anyone else up. Sleep deprivation is hard I've had it for 6 years and counting

Thanks all.

I have today purchased a CD player, lullaby star projection thingy, torch, lock for the toy chest, night lights and covers for the main light.

A frank discussion has been had about staying quiet unless scared or unwell for the eleventy billionth time but hopefully now she has some quiet entertainment lined up it'll be easier for her.

I'll also start pushing bedtime back although not tonight as I've been up since 3 since I couldn't get back to sleep after last nights shenanigans

Here's hoping!!

Don't forget the audiobooks!

And remember she's only 6.

Good luck!

Good luck! It's a long game, it'll take a while for her to build new sleep associations so give it many days to work. And do the same at bedtime as in the night perhaps, to reinforce it.

I completely hear you about bedtimes. I'm not sure if she is reading independently yet but when she is - or at least, looking at well known books for fun - you could award her extra reading time by herself after you've read with her. You still get to leave her earlier, she gets to turn her light off later.

Re the door banging, the trouble with the bought dampers is they can make it difficult to close the door. A long sock or tights tied round both door handle can help a bit without stopping the door closing.

I think I will market a fluffy pet- it has to be gently stroked until it falls asleep, its snores get quieter and quieter - if dc stops gently stroking it will whimper. Surely a DC would soon doze off doing that.
I am a bad sleeper and having to go to sleep guarantees wakefulness.
I find you have to bore your conscious brain so it eventually gives up and you doze off
Making your lovely, quiet, cosy bed the best place to be helps, tell DD just to lie cosy and warm and maybe give her a fav story to listen to. Getting up a Nono she needs to want to be cuddled up in her bed maybe Dps can demonstrate how nice it is to be tucked up in bed