to not take the kids to family meal

[supermariossister]

Family meal to celebrate occasion but not one they will be particularly interested In, place has a play area and other kids are going but our dc too old for the play area but will get very bored with the sit down conversation. Feel a but guilty that their cousins will be going but can see it being a night of complaining from ds and ss and sd. Wibu to go with dp and them not come. Struggling with anxiety at the moment and worry that dps family will think im awful.

As I posted yesterday I have a lot of issues surrounding anxiety and social situations and had talked myself into not going anticipating problems but decided we will all go and I'm sure it will be a good evening. The tablets wont be going but its interesting to read the opinions on this as its quite common to see at the particular place and with other cousins. Thanks for all opinions

I wouldnt allow tablets at dinner i do a very loud ahem if my dds bring their phones out if we are eating outbut i guess everybody is different

Take books/iPads/etc for them

I suppose it becomes the norm I don't take my phone to the table neither does dp so since having one sd hasn't either but my aunt and cousins travel to visit gparents then have their tablets at the table playing games I think it is just what they are used to as they don't eat together at home. I know it does annoy my gparents.

Just read you don't want to take iPads, sorry OP I didn't see that before I posted.

I have done before to various things and considered it but I do find they don't try to get involved if they have the tablet so maybe without the option they will join in more. I hate to think of them growing up like me scared to sound daft and feeling uncomfortable or avoiding things

Does your DP take any of the responsibility for keeping them entertained/helping them chat to people? It sounds as though it's all on you, which isn't really fair.

I do think they need to learn that sometimes you have to sit and be polite to people, even if you're not really that interested. And I agree, no phones and tablets.

I would allow tablets etc, not while eating but if I'm going to blether on am happy for them to use them. Can't see the difference between games etc and tablets !

If you were going without the kids, would they have a sitter? Is it possible to get a sitter to pick them up early after the meal so you and DP can spend a while chatting afterwards?

I'd take tablets for my two. They both have SN and struggle socially. I'd think nothing of allowing them to use them whilst waiting for meal, in between courses, or after eating.

He does only and is really hands on but can be prone to over reacting so whereas I will see them being silly and say right enough change the subject or similar he would say right we are going home. Probably why every big occasion is quite stressful as I worry it will end that way and I'd be embarrassed

Could you take the tablets yourself and just produce them if it seemed appropriate? If the teenagers are all using them your older two might want to. The 8 year old may relish the opportunity to play in the guise of 'keeping an eye on the little ones'.

Sounds as though your DP needs to raise his game a bit, TBH; it's not on that he makes you feel even more stressed at social occasions.

I often wonder if I would feel different if he were more laid back about social situations and behaviour. I think he has some issues himself with social occasions he really struggles with noise and what I would call general child like silly behaviour.

I think children sitting at a family celebration glued to iPads and phones would be appalling. Better to leave them behind if they really can't cope.

Sounds like he does have issues, yes, and they clearly affect you and the children too.

I think with anxiety like this you should get on and do it or the anxiety rules you. remember - its not a big deal! Even if they are a bit bored so what? Dont let something so small take over your mind.

Take them! What's the worst that can happen? Maybe leave a little earlier if it's all dragging on.
At least they get time with their cousins too. Haven't read whole thread, so I know it's an engagement party, but don't know hoe many people. At their age, they shook be ok to sit and eat for a good while. They aren't toddlers! My 8 yo is happy to entertain younger kids, so maybe one of yours will head off to play area and do that as well. They may be more resourceful than you give them credit for .
Tablets at table - well, maybe if they have done everything else they can do and it's dragging on a bit for them.
Is there somewhere they can gather in corner - older kids I mean - and play a fun board game which isn't too rowdy - thinking of something like Dog Bingo? Passes the time. Lots can play together.