Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine to go out without ds?!

53 replies

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 20:56

I have a group of friends all with babies the same age whom I met after ds was born. One is getting married in June when all the babies will be 18 months. The bride has invited us all plus partners and said dcs can come if we want to bring them. Dp and I have decided not to take ds. He'll likely be bored and tbh it will be nice to have child free time together and both relax/have a drink etc. My mum will have ds over night.

However, everyone else is taking their dcs and I feel judged! I've had comments like "oh I don't think I could leave dc for a whole day" or "why would you not want to take ds?" Or "why not at least bring him to the day bit so he doesn't miss out" Confused why would an 18 month old want to go to a wedding ceremony? Aibu for enjoying some child free time? I love ds more than anything obviously but still love some rare time with my dp!!

OP posts:
EnglishGirlApproximately · 10/01/2016 20:59

Of course it's fine, enjoy it! Why would an 18mo miss out by not going to a wedding - he'll be far happier being spookily by his dgm. DS is nearly 4 and we're leaving him with his dgm for 2 nights soon for the first time ever and although I'll miss him I can't wait for some real grown up time. I'm going to drink Martinis at lunch the nap Grin Go and enjoy yourself Wine

pieceofpurplesky · 10/01/2016 21:00

Go, enjoy it. And smile smugly when they are running frazzled and arguing with their DPs.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 10/01/2016 21:00

Spoilt not spookily, flipping IPad!

Xmasbaby11 · 10/01/2016 21:00

YANBU! We've not had any relatives who would take DD overnight, or even a whole day. I would bite their hands off if they offered!

Might it be that the others don't have anyone to leave their DC with? IME, all my friends who have someone are more than happy to leave their DC, some at a much early stage e.g. 6 weeks.

RumAppleGinger · 10/01/2016 21:01

YANBU. Go and cherish your child free time.

LottieDoubtie · 10/01/2016 21:05

YANBU my parent friends are very much 50:50 split on issues like this, but I have to say the happier ones (or perhaps just the ones i identify more with Wink ) are in your camp. If I had relatives that would be happy to have my DS overnight I'd let them!

Flamingoblue1 · 10/01/2016 21:05

Yanbu happy mum equals happy kids in my opinion. I think it's healthy to have time away. No judgement here!

Original poster
Fratelli · 10/01/2016 21:06

Thanks everyone! I did ask my mum and she said "leave him with me, I used to leave you every chance I got!" Grin

Xmasbaby11 - All except one have family who regularly help out so I don't know why they feel differently just because it's a wedding. In face, the only one who didn't say anything is the only one without family who help!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 10/01/2016 21:06

Grin at the toddler "missing out"!

KP86 · 10/01/2016 21:08

Go, have fun! Your DC will be fine. Probably much happier at home or GP's house than at a wedding.

DH and I left our 13mo with my parents for a week when we went on a cruise. We got lots of 'lucky you' and 'not sure I could', and I nearly wasn't able to get on the boat on departure day, but we all survived. In hindsight, he probably a little young and it took him a while to get over it (to be honest, almost 9 months later and I don't think he has quite forgiven me) but leaving DC for one day - GO FOR IT!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 10/01/2016 21:13

Yanbu at all. I really, really don't get the mummy martyrdom of some parents. One day having fun with his grandmother instead of being wrangled by his parents at a fancy event will not harm him.

Go, have fun, and smile sympathetically while you get your drink on and they wipe chicken fingers off their dresses.

Boleh · 10/01/2016 21:14

Absolutely fine! We told our guests children were welcome, most were a bit older the parents responses ranged from 'ooh, they'd love to come', through 'well they might get bored but a bit of boredom sometimes is good for them' to 'dear god no, we'll get a sitter I want to drink and dance and they'd be a nightmare!' Totally depends on the parent and the child.

WelliesTheyAreWonderful · 10/01/2016 21:18

If you're all happy for him to stay with his Gran then why the Hey not?! You enjoy that time! They will be wishing they made the same decision as you as their bored babies start wriggling around 5 mins into the ceremony! Go ahead and enjoy that champagne!

Original poster
Fratelli · 10/01/2016 21:20

Haha yes I think I'll manage a few sympathetic smiles! I just think it would be so hard running around after him all day when he's been bored for so long!!

OP posts:
DontCallMeBaby · 10/01/2016 21:21

We went to a wedding when DD was around that age, maybe a little older. We ended up on what I dubbed the Bad Parents' Table (one babe in arms, one bump, all other children left with grandparents). We had waay more fun than the Good Parents' Table (toddlers a-go-go). Even the owners of the bump and the babe.

ZanyMobster · 10/01/2016 21:22

YA definitely NBU. You will have a fantastic time and they will all wish that they had not brought their DCs along when you and your DH are having loads of fun and freedom Grin

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 10/01/2016 21:27

Weddings are really not a fun day out for toddlers and even less so for parents of toddlers

YADNBU!

FreshHorizons · 10/01/2016 21:27

Of course your DC will have a much nicer time with his grandmother and you and DH can have a nice relaxed time on your own. Win/win for all.

Karoleann · 10/01/2016 21:27

18mo and weddings are not a good combination....you'll have a much better time without him.

DC's went to a wedding last year so would have been 8,6 and 4 and were bored and irritating after a couple of hours and ended up watching DVDs in a small room at the back.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 21:31

They're performance parenting, showing off to each other how wonderfully behaved their kids are and what a wonderful family they are. Which is great, right up until the point where the penny drops that you and DH are propping up the bar having a rare old time and they are all chasing over tired and bored toddlers around the place and then leaving early.

ijustwannadance · 10/01/2016 21:32

YADNBU. I have always left my DD with the GP's on occasions like this. Especially when we have to stay in a nice hotel Grin

Blue14 · 10/01/2016 21:32

the wedding is only a day, friendships can be for a lifetime. will your ds know this couple in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? if yes, then photos and wedding stories involving him will matter for decades to come, whereas how much you enjoyed the evening will matter for approximately 24 hours.

i wouldn't leave my child out of an important occasion if they were long term friends.

Donthate · 10/01/2016 21:32

Leave him. i do an internal fist pump every time i get a wedding invite that doesn't include the dc's.

Jibberjabberjooo · 10/01/2016 21:32

We took our then 18 month old to a wedding and he basically trotted around all day which obviously meant we had to follow him. Which meant we took it in turns to talk to our friends rather than sitting chatting and then one of us left early to put him to bed. Have a day to yourselves! Your DS will have a great time with your mum.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 10/01/2016 21:33

I am chief bridesmaid and my husband is a groomsman at a very child friendly wedding in august. Because we are part of the wedding party and no other family is going as it is friends who are getting married we will not be taking Ds who will be three by then. It just would not be practical

Swipe left for the next trending thread