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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's fine to go out without ds?!

53 replies

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 20:56

I have a group of friends all with babies the same age whom I met after ds was born. One is getting married in June when all the babies will be 18 months. The bride has invited us all plus partners and said dcs can come if we want to bring them. Dp and I have decided not to take ds. He'll likely be bored and tbh it will be nice to have child free time together and both relax/have a drink etc. My mum will have ds over night.

However, everyone else is taking their dcs and I feel judged! I've had comments like "oh I don't think I could leave dc for a whole day" or "why would you not want to take ds?" Or "why not at least bring him to the day bit so he doesn't miss out" why would an 18 month old want to go to a wedding ceremony? Aibu for enjoying some child free time? I love ds more than anything obviously but still love some rare time with my dp!!

OP posts:

BeanGirls · 10/01/2016 21:34

Yanbu do not feel guilty go and enjoy yourself. Your ds will most likely have more fun with your dm than he would at the wedding.

SaucyJack · 10/01/2016 21:35

Depends how willing a babysitter your mum is from where I'm sat stood.

If she'll have your DS regularly then YANBU. But otherwise YABU to waste a rare night off from your son if you're just going to be surrounded by crying babies and dirty nappies anyway. May as well take him with you in that case. At least you'll find it cute when it's your own kid.

chillycurtains · 10/01/2016 21:35

Leave him and enjoy! The others in your group of friends will be regretting their decision by the time their carefully planned snacks to keep their LOs quiet have run out half way through the ceremony. You can grab a glass of wine, enjoy and then be the wonderful friend who helps them out with their babies and allows them to eat a bit of the wedding food before it gets cold.

NeverNic · 10/01/2016 21:35

Everyone will be jealous of you on the day!! I personally have least liked the weddings my children attended with me (family ones). Recently looked at the photos from the last family wedding and I missed there was a magician! It was like looking at a wedding I didn't attend. Go, enjoy and give your little one a big squeeze after and maybe a bit of wedding cake and you'll all be happy

WhimsicalWinnifred · 10/01/2016 21:37

I was massively pfb. I refused to leave dd overnight until I knew she was ok. By chance she was 3 and basically said 'I'm having fun with grandma. Don't ever come back'. But left her in the day quite early on. Any time child free is a blessing.

Do what you're comfortable with. If they're judging you, it's not you. It's them.

trilbydoll · 10/01/2016 21:37

I've done several weddings:

With DD at 8m and 2yo
Without DD at 16m

I can confirm the one without her was easily the most enjoyable weddings are the ultimate non child friendly day, there is loads of waiting around and irregular food. Taking a toddler is total madness. Yanbu.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 10/01/2016 21:39

YANBU.

Weddings are generally not much fun for toddlers or small children. Too much sitting around and being quiet. If I can possibly leave my DCs at home, I always do. I'm attending a wedding next week. I will be blissfully alone and the DCs will be with their dad.

ImperialBlether · 10/01/2016 21:40

Just say, "Are you kidding? We're going to have a few drinks, have a dance, talk to some adults without interruption and then go and take a bottle of wine to bed with us." Then wink.

See how many take their children after that.

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/01/2016 21:40

I barely even wanted to take DS (then 2yo) to my own wedding to his father.

YANBU

Original poster

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 21:43

Thanks again everyone!

blue I didn't realise people got their wedding photos out much! We do have loads of group photos together of all the babies though.

Saucy - She's had him for days before and a couple of nights. She'll have him for a couple of nights in between too. She's great with him so no worries there.

chilly - I'm really looking forward to dp and I eating a hot meal at the same time

OP posts:

Original poster

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 21:45

imperial - that's a great idea!!

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 10/01/2016 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teacher54321 · 10/01/2016 21:48

Is it local? Can your mum bring him for a bit and then take him away again?! When Ds was a baby we paid for my mum and dad to stay in a hotel with us and they babysat Ds throughout, they knew the couple getting married so came for a glass of fizz after the service and it was lovely. And then they took Ds away again! And the best bit was having an excuse to miss the speeches...

StayWithMe · 10/01/2016 21:54

No no no, don't take your mum and baby to the hotel. The baby will get tired and cranky and ruin your poor mum's night by crying after you. Leave baby with gran at home and she'll get spoilt rotten and gran will have her all to herself. You will also have a brilliant night. What's the betting you'll end up being asked to look after someone else's baby because they want to dance, go out for a some together, etc. just watch out for that.

Original poster

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 21:55

teacher yes it's local but that would be a bit of a pain in the arse for my mum and I wouldn't think it fair when she's doing me a favour. She'll probably plan to take him out for the day

OP posts:

lavenderhoney · 10/01/2016 21:59

Sounds very sensible to me:)

Although bear in mind you may be on a table with a group of people with DC and they may expect you to baby sit briefly whilst they dance etc. After all, you'll be child free.. So available, potientially.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 21:59

stay makes a good point.

Certain members of my family are masters at this. They take their kids to everything but then everyone else ends up looking after them. I put her nose well out of joint once when I had arranged a babysitter and cousins kids get sent back to her every single time she told them "Ask Aunty Bogey". She didnt bring them the next time!

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 21:59

Xpost with Lavender!

FreshHorizons · 10/01/2016 22:00

Granny and baby will have a lovely time on their own - it is very selfish to expect them both to trail off to the hotel and highly unnecessary!

teacher54321 · 10/01/2016 22:00

Fair enough! My mum loved going to the wedding and Ds at that point was a teeny baby so a bit different. He's never been to a wedding since then, whenever he's been invited we've declined on his behalf and gone on our own!!

Original poster

Fratelli · 10/01/2016 22:02

Nope, no way am I getting roped into babysitting! If they want a babysitter they should pay for one!!

OP posts:

FreshHorizons · 10/01/2016 22:02

An 18mth year old will be far happier having a lovely time with Granny.

Whatsername24 · 10/01/2016 22:03

Go and have fun! If you take him you'll be frazzled by the end of the day, plus chances are that you'd have to leave early to get him to bed.
Just think, you'll be able to eat your meal in peace without having to lean over and cut up food or pick up items dropped on the floor...

BackforGood · 10/01/2016 22:03

Of course YANBU. Go, and have a lovely day, and smile at all your friends running around after tired, crotchety dc all day whilst you and dh are having a lovely time

FreshHorizons · 10/01/2016 22:06

They will probably be jealous on the day, having to look after a bored, fractious toddler when you are having fun. Probably they haven't anyone to leave them with.

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