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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a nursery worker/someone in education for advice?

72 replies

HackAttack · 10/01/2016 19:58

My HV has said my two and a half year old is likely to be very bored when he starts nursery this September and I'm a little worried.

Speech wise he is brilliant, I can talk to him about most topics and he understands and responds like a school age child. He speaks in normal sentences, can describe what he wants, relate memories, etc.

His memory is far better than mine, he can direct someone driving to any location he has been to a few times, he knows all shapes (including complex ones like parallelogram/dodecahedron). He's mastered numbers up to twenty, memorised some planet names and impressed the GP naming stuff like opthalmascope/stethoscope.

Recently he's memorised all letters and is practising drawing them with a kit, I don't think reading is far away as he is trying already!!

He also does something kind of odd that I find fascinating. He seems to see the world in parts and shapes. For example I dropped a multi pack of tissues on the coffee table (they split) and he looked at them and assembled them into the shape of a robot with no hesitation. Stuff like that is pretty common.

This is not from me, I'm quite clever but nothing way above the national average, same for my husband really. We say something once and he remembers it permanently, it's mad!!

The HV and a few people at playgroups have said he is going to have nothing to do at nursery and I am a bit concerned. He is very shy with other children (especially if they can't talk) and I want nursery to be fun. Any nursery workers come across a toddler like mine? Reassure me please :/

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CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 15:38

It sounds to me like a jokey/banter comment and as you say you have traits you have taken it the wrong way.

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 15:43

Quite possibly, that's why I thought it might be helpful to ask people on here who's kids have been to nursery. The focus on socialising will be brilliant for him :). Roll on September!

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Witchend · 11/01/2016 16:02

Hv is speaking rubbish.

Dd1 and dd2 were reading fluently, numbers beyond 100, and sums including simple multiplication by that age. Dd1 won a story competition just before she was 3yo... Neither was bored at preschool as there was so much different stuff to do.
And just to add both are bright but not exceptional now at secondary

My experience is that if they're bright then they can usually manufacturer something to interest them. It might not necessarily be what you'd choose for them to do

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 19:04

I agree, if it is caused by hyperlexia which it might if autism is in your family line, then by their teens they just grow out of it.

decisionsdecisions123 · 11/01/2016 22:20

Interesting that the HV mentioned having an assessment already. I think I would be thinking about it a bit more before turning it down. If help is needed its much better to start from an early age as it can take a very very long time in the school system.

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 22:50

I have a slightly negative perspective of the assessment process after my brother's experience. He went through the diagnosis process, in terms of medicine and support from doctors it was brilliant but from an education perspective it was highly damaging.

The school ignored the reports all stating autism was the primary concern, concluded THEMSELVES that behaviour was what they were worried about and denied him access to the two autism specific provisions locally and put in in a behavioural support school (not my area of expertise but basically any child who had been excluded from primary regardless of why).

It has taken years of challenging for him to be in a mainstream secondary school, where, with specific support he is thriving.

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decisionsdecisions123 · 11/01/2016 23:07

I cant comment really as I don't know the full facts but it does sound odd that they chose to bypass the ASD centres in favour of a behavioural support school.

I guess you have much more insight into it as its in your family but I still feel its a good idea to look into it , maybe things have changed a lot since then?

I also think it would be wise to share this info/any suspicions you may have about your child rather than pretending there are no issues (not saying you would, but lots of people do and let the school spend ages trying to work out if its behaviour/autism/something happening at home etc etc, only to mention in question 9 months later than a close relative has autism or they thought it might be a possibility but didn't like to mention it! Or even better the parents that totally refuse to hear anything of it).

Its a shame to see a child suspected by school to have autism/SEND of some description get no help as parents refuse to have their child assessed.

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 23:33

I'm kind of taking the stance at the moment of waiting to see how he manages nursery. I did a family tree with the HV so she knows about autism in my family, I wouldn't hide it.

If he really struggles and needs support I wouldn't stand in the way at all but it's hard to judge his social skills before he's been in an organised setting.

We are seven years on from my brother's experience (he's much younger than me) but it's only in the last two years there has been an acknowledgement of how badly his needs were met.

In spite of that if an educational professional identifies a need for support I will be honest and support this. I guess I'd like to see how much of this turns out to be him only being two and a half.

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PeridotPassion · 12/01/2016 01:14

I struggle to believe that any HV would say this tbh, unless as a very obvious joke that you've taken seriously.

Ds1 was extremely advanced going into Nursery aged 3 (I won't bore you with a specific stealth boast about how fantastic he was though).

It doesn't matter how advanced a child is, they'll still enjoy painting and drawing and building blocks. They'll just do more detailed paintings, or design castles with blocks instead of 10 block high towers, or (in the case of ds1) spend two days studiously organising the bookshelf to his liking.

Bright kids are even more likely to be able to find something to do if the current game/activity isn't to their liking...there is zero chance he'll be bored!

HackAttack · 12/01/2016 09:29

I've already acknowledged I know very little about nursery and it may well have been a joke I misunderstood. Why on earth would I lie about it? It would be the most boring troll post ever! Thank you for all the people who have given advice and experience.

Bit offended by the accusations of hot housing, of the suggestion I might not send him and now the implication of lying, some people really need to find other threads!

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ZanyMobster · 12/01/2016 10:30

For some reason on MN you are not allowed to have a bright child or if you do it is because you are precious, have hot housed or are lying Grin.

You really do sound laid back about it all but I think people just like to get worked up over it. The one really good bit of advice we were given is to stretch DS1 sideways rather than up, he as a couple of instruments and plays county level sports as well as the academic stuff now. We let school get on with it and don't do anything more than the homework he is asked to do but he is becoming a really good all-rounder and has the luxury of finding the school stuff relatively easy.

HackAttack · 12/01/2016 12:45

Thank you Zany :). He has just started going to football lessons with oh and he seems enthusiastic about it.

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waitingforsomething · 12/01/2016 12:55

I've got an academically clever DD and in the sense of reading/puzzles/mathematics she hasn't got much to learn in her age range. She is benefitting from pre-school hugely however, because she is socially anxious; she is learning to get along with other children and how to play with others.
She also gets worked up about mess and noise sometimes, and pre-school is teaching her that there is a certain amount of fun to be had getting a bit messy and it's not the end of the world. She is also finding out that everyone is not the same as her and she is learning about a loosely structured day which will come in useful for school.
They all get something from it

DatsunCherry · 13/01/2016 20:29

waiting...your post should be on the MN homepage. Smile

Jemma2510 · 13/01/2016 20:41

Hi, my wee girl could count and recognise numbers and letters by 2. She's 4 now and can read a few words from memory and is getting good at sounding out. Her nursery teacher says she's really advanced. She is not bored at nursery whatsoever. She has loads of fun with her friends and they totally encourage her. I had a teacher come over to me beaming saying 'lili-lu wrote I can put my hat on' outside with chalk, (she was 3.5). We took pictures, I was so impressed' they are all at different levels but that's not an issue, she may be intellectual but she has a lt of social learning to do

Jemma2510 · 13/01/2016 20:45

And I'm sympathetic to the 'she's exaggerating' comments. I love it when people think I'm making it up and my wee girl will spell a word out or write a sentence. Shuts them right up!

DatsunCherry · 13/01/2016 20:50

I used to get "You must push him!" comments about DS1 Grin

I certainly didn't push him...maybe that's why he's now just bright, rather than about to start at Oxford/Cambridge.

Not all daffodils flower on the same day. Smile

hazeyjane · 13/01/2016 22:14

jan2016

Its an new fashion to have teacher led learning lessons in preschools. Ten years ago it was all about learning through play and child led learning.

It's not a new fashion to have teacher led learning 'lessons' in preschool. It is all about learning through play and child led!

Op, good luck with preschool, I am sure your ds will get loads out of going. Your hv sounds a bit daft coming out with that.

HackAttack · 13/01/2016 23:13

Thank you all it really is much appreciated. I've had quite a few snarky remarks at sure start groups when he does something 'advanced'. Mostly about being pushy, etc. It makes you afraid to ask for any advice! The mad thing is I couldn't be much further from 'academic' with him. I've have races on big slides with him and general family stuff like that. I think in light of what everyone had said my hv was making a joke and I misinterpreted (I do have two under threes my brain feels filled with nursery rhymes these day). I am hopeful he'll love learning to socialise more and pre school will be great fun for him. Play is the only kind of learning I provide for him at this age, but when he asks me his daily thousand questions I'll also always answer.

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RubbleBubble00 · 13/01/2016 23:58

preschool will give you a great feel for how his social interactions are coming along and teach him not everyone has the same skills. I would however think about looking at schools that have a gifted and talented programme so he's not languishing in reception whilst others are getting to grips with phonics - is a scenario for disruptive child. It's not bragging, it's knowing your child's abilities and making sure they are met, challenged and not being bored in school

NattyNatural · 15/01/2016 03:42

Firstly wow your child is a genius!

With mil, infant ht, sil hst and mum ta they would tell you that it's not like before, every child in the class taught the same level. Now if a child is clearly way ahead they will teach them the next level.
Hopefully this helps.

HackAttack · 15/01/2016 09:10

Thank you natty :). My own profession has nothing to do with education so I'm never sure how advanced something he does is. I noticed his speech was very unusual in playgroups but beyond that I don't really know what is expected at this age.

I really enjoyed school and I'm hoping he will too. I imagine he will as he loves learning, hence the million questions lol.

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