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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a nursery worker/someone in education for advice?

72 replies

HackAttack · 10/01/2016 19:58

My HV has said my two and a half year old is likely to be very bored when he starts nursery this September and I'm a little worried.

Speech wise he is brilliant, I can talk to him about most topics and he understands and responds like a school age child. He speaks in normal sentences, can describe what he wants, relate memories, etc.

His memory is far better than mine, he can direct someone driving to any location he has been to a few times, he knows all shapes (including complex ones like parallelogram/dodecahedron). He's mastered numbers up to twenty, memorised some planet names and impressed the GP naming stuff like opthalmascope/stethoscope.

Recently he's memorised all letters and is practising drawing them with a kit, I don't think reading is far away as he is trying already!!

He also does something kind of odd that I find fascinating. He seems to see the world in parts and shapes. For example I dropped a multi pack of tissues on the coffee table (they split) and he looked at them and assembled them into the shape of a robot with no hesitation. Stuff like that is pretty common.

This is not from me, I'm quite clever but nothing way above the national average, same for my husband really. We say something once and he remembers it permanently, it's mad!!

The HV and a few people at playgroups have said he is going to have nothing to do at nursery and I am a bit concerned. He is very shy with other children (especially if they can't talk) and I want nursery to be fun. Any nursery workers come across a toddler like mine? Reassure me please :/

OP posts:
Mebathiscold · 10/01/2016 22:05

What a strange thing for the hv to say! You'd think she'd be more on the side of bigging up the social aspects than saying he'll be bored!

witsender · 10/01/2016 22:11

I didn't send my eldest, she hated to be away from home and never wanted to so we never saw the need. The youngest goes now for a few hours as I work a bit, he enjoys it and that is the main thing...I don't expect them to teach him anything or whatever.

EndothermicVertebrate · 10/01/2016 22:11

My DD was pretty advanced when she started nursery at age 3.

The most important thing that happened at Nursery? She met her best friend. 8 years later, in spite of having gone to different primaries they are closer than ever and her mum is one of my best friends too Smile!

Nursery is about so much more than the academic stuff, and if your boy is at a good one they will work with his abilities & interests and he'll have a whale of a time.

Lauren15 · 10/01/2016 22:14

I find that an odd thing for a health visitor to say as well. Surely she should appreciate there are all kinds of things to be learned at nursery. Tbh I often find the more precocious young children tend to have weaker social skills.

Tatie3 · 10/01/2016 22:15

A good nursery will be able to provide the correct stimulation for him and will track and plan for his individual learning. You may find that they focus on things like messy play and creative things that are perhaps more difficult to do at home.

HackAttack · 10/01/2016 23:22

Lauren I would agree with that, my younger is already visibly more comfortable with people than my eldest who actually sometimes sobbed if anyone visited and still now is very sensitive to certain social situations. Hence, I would genuinely prefer him to simply have fun rather than be pushed. All of his learning so far has seemed more innate and natural, I'm pretty relaxed with our schedule, think soft play, beach, swimming, playgroup, etc.

OP posts:
decisionsdecisions123 · 11/01/2016 00:54

Whatever you do, don't suggest to the nursery that you worry he may be bored with them and then list all the amazing things he can do (most 3 year olds do not know what a parallelogram is), they will have you down as 'that' parent from the beginning.

Look at it as a time for learning how to socialize, follow rules, take turns, do his coat up and all the other things necessary for starting school.

EndothermicVertebrate · 11/01/2016 07:52

Can I just add an NB to decision's post, as the thing about shapes has really made me smile.

I work in the office at a large maintained nursery. One of our little ones had a puzzle for Christmas and as a result learnt lots about shapes - even the less obvious ones. He was a bit disappointed last week to discover that we didn't have much in the way of dough of cutters in these shapes.

His key carer took him to the store cupboard to see if we had any there, then to the headteacher for a 'meeting' to discuss the issue. He agreed we needed some more so sent him to me to choose some from one of our supplies catalogues.

When they come I'll put a label on with his name and he can have another trip to the office to collect them!

We are doing a lot of this kind of 'real world' experience with the kids atm - they love it and it's lots of fun for us too Grin.

ZanyMobster · 11/01/2016 09:11

DS was the same but was never bored as they did lots of playing. With regards to the learning stuff they did some extention stuff for him as he would have been bored with learning just basic phonics so he would read to a parent helper or something but it should never be an issue at a good nursery.

Luckily the staff at ours were happy that he could do different things and we're excited about working with him, this isn't always the case and in YR we had a bit of a battle as the HT did not like any children other than middle of the road ones.

You sound pretty laid back about it all so I think it'll all be fine. As long as your DC comes out of pre school able to hold a pencil, count to ten and can get dressed independently (and not bored) then I would say it's a success. If they are naturally academic then they will fly once given the opportunity.

ZanyMobster · 11/01/2016 09:15

BTW in response to some Pps, in my long experience of working within a preschool there really won't be many others similar to your child if any at all. In one of our feeder infant schools they had not had a child able to read before starting school in 8 years.

In the preschool they had not had one for years either but bizarrely 2 the year DS was there. In spite of what MN says it really isn't that common.

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 09:24

I was like that as a child. I had hyperlexia which meant I had a reading age 3 years ahead of my age at 3. I was a socially awkward freak though at that age until I was about 7. My parents paid no attention to social or life skills for me. They are on the spectrum so probably don't understand. Luckily I grew up and am very social now.

fluffypenguinbelly · 11/01/2016 09:25

My DS is exceptionally bright and started pre-school at 2.11. He is bored. He puts up with it because he knows I am at work but he'd rather not be there. At parents evening they told me he gets bored because there are no other children like him. He has nobody to talk to on his level other than adults so he sticks with them if he can.

The 3 year funding has kicked in from this January for all of the Autumn born children so I'm hoping that more children who can talk will start.

We have stuck at it, it is doing his social skills a lot of good as I had hoped. He is so much better with other children and seeks them out at soft play/the park now.

Also, he has to learn that not everyone is like him and he has to find a level with them that he finds acceptable. Is going to be the same for the next few years at least so he may as well learn to live with it!

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 09:32

I was bored to but it was because I had no social skills. I was bossy, didn't share, couldn't start a conversation, got to close to people. People don't pay attention if you appear very academic though. People should take the time with these children as they haven't got the skills to be happy as little ones.

If he is academic he will pick it up if no-one gives him the skills, just like I had to. I am so different with mine as academics really aren't everything.

Walkingintheraindrops · 11/01/2016 09:37

Id imagine he'll
Be far more stimulated at nursery than he will be at home? Nursery are great for stretch in them and children who have Been in nursery a while will often play with toys etc aimed at older children as they're around.

jan2016 · 11/01/2016 10:31

Its an new fashion to have teacher led learning lessons in preschools. Ten years ago it was all about learning through play and child led learning. Those children who were most ready for school had gone through these play based nurseries. Its the social skills most important at the preschool age

dobbythedoggy · 11/01/2016 10:35

I've come across many 'old souls' as my manager used to lovingly call them. I have a feeling that dd is one of them too; although we go to many many groups, she, like I had at her age, has spent most of her time around adults.

This is really reflected in the skills she has developed. Her language skills are very advanced for her age; she sounds like she is much like she should be several years older than she is and people are shocked when they are told she is just 3. She knows lots about cue sports and a certain aspect of trance music, due to spending time with dh and her uncle doing their hobbies. She can bake certain cakes measuring ingredents and mixing things in the right order, everything bar putting them in the oven, as she has been baking for church events twice a week or more with me since she was able to hold a spoon. She can make foundation chains using wool and a hook with very little help. Granddad has taught her lots about number and is starting to grasp the concept of very basic adding and taking away; 1/2/3 more or less. She draws and 'writes' with Granny who is in the process of doing a degree and looks up information on the computer about things that intrest her, recently learning scientific terms relating to rainbows and the northen lights! Her aunty and uncle have taught her about the nutrents in foods in great detail and she knows lots about adult exercises thanks to playing personal trainer with them. Her uncle builds things with her to, so she's a pro at organsing flat packs and creating structures out of things, although she finds the lack of screws and nails with her blocks frustrating when she's planned to join them in a paticular way. She's just soaked everything up going about everyday life with the people around her.

But on the other hand she is slightly 'behind' when it comes to other areas. She's only just now becoming truely comfortable with playing alongside her peers and starting to explore playing with someone. She needs more encouragment to engage with groups made up just of her peers, for instance sitting for whole group story time and singing away from adults at the end of some toddler groups.

Like every child in their early years she's learnt what she's lived. Children who for whatever reason have had different expecences have picked up different life skills. So those with older siblings may well be more comfortable around larger groups and there peers, than those who have been mainly with mum, dad, other adults. Those who have been in childcare from an early age may well be more comfortable playing alongside, with, copritively at an earlier age as they've simply had more opportunity. There really is no right or wrong here, and children will develop in the areas they need to when they attend a good nursery or pre-school.

So for dd when she starts nursery/pre-school (planned for september) she'll be learning to interact more with her peers and play with less adult input. To feel comfortable with less adults and more children her age, as she will experience in school. While other children will be developing and improving their language skills, starting to be introduced to the concept of shape, number, colour, etc, learning to concentrate and listen to the adult in charge of them. Early years education is hugely diverse and it's all about good practitioners getting to know the children they are responsable for enabeling them to extend their skills and learning in relation to their intrests.

I fondly remember the almost 2 year old who came to me knowing amazing things about cars and how he learnt to play with the other children in the group using the car mat and a car parking games. How the other children had the opportunity to learn about colour and other ways of catagrising things due to his intrests. And the visit from clasic cars we were able to arrange for all the children.

The little boy a few months off 3 who came to my group to help with the transition pre-school. His mum had been a geography teacher but had taken time out to be at home with him and his dad was in a related area of research. He asked really probing questions, that we'd need to look up the answers to! He was really intrested in the oceans and sea creatures and spent time educating us. We had a marine biologist vist the school we were attached to and give a little talk to my age group who was stumped by the questions he was asking and knowldge he had. He was then taking to the activities for older children run by the person right up to the senior school gcse/as/a level and loved every moment of it.

Or the little girl who loved puzzles, she could sit down an methodically complete puzzles of hunderds of peices. Or when our deputy manager returned to work after her second child was born, putting her eldest in with us who had understanding of number to 50, recognised letters by sound and name, could read simple words, was very able in accademic skills.

I can't recall any of those children ever being board or finding there wasn't anything chalenging. They were learning different and equally as important skills. And when activities aimed more at developing literacy or numeracy or skills they had already mastered it took very little effort to offer an extention of the activiity that chalenged them in that area or another area, like social confidence, that other children needed less or no imput in.

I'm sure your little one will be fine. Health visitors can sometimes be clueless in this area and make unfounded comments if they are of the school of thinking that early education is to teach certain accademic skills. Where others might advise you that certain settings would suit your child more rather than a setting that is purely free play.

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 11:19

I promise I'm not 'that' parent. Yesterday's main 'planned' activity was a water fight in the bath. I was hesitant to even post on here because people often seem to think you are stealth boasting? I'm so not, much as his cleverness is cute it does seem to stop him relaxing. He's been invited to a couple of parties and while other kids were playing, running about, eating cake, etc mine wanted to name the car logos in the car park, know how a cake is made, how many years old he is, what a year is etc. It can be tiring sometimes!

OP posts:
CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 12:05

He sounds like DD with the questioning she is the same with the questioning and a lot is anxiety/compulsion to talk. It is in our gene line lots of add/adhd/aspergers. He will learn when it is appropriate to constantly talk as he gets older. I never stopped though and am still like this with people I know and I am in my 30s! My mind never stops which is both a blessing and a curse.

cleaty · 11/01/2016 12:10

I used to work in a nursery. If he is shy with other children, he needs to develop his social skills. Social skills are crucial for life, and under 5 is a crucial age for beginning to learn them. Watch the Secret Life of a 4 Year Old and see how much they are learning.

Jibberjabberjooo · 11/01/2016 12:17

He sounds similar to my DS. He talked early, sentences before he was two, loves books, met all his milestones early. Knows every make of car from their badge. He's 3 now and knows all his letters and numbers. He is not bored at nursery he has a great time! He's currently learning to write his name.

Send him, he'll have fun playing and making new friends. They do lots of different activities, it's not all about sitting learning.

GoblinLittleOwl · 11/01/2016 14:07

What nonsense.
I can't believe a Health Visitor said this.
He will get out of nursery what he puts in, and develop his existing skills; he seems intelligent and capable and will enjoy different experiences. He will also learn valuable social skills and how to mix with other children and adults; very important.
Don't start hot-housing him already.

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 14:16

What does hot housing mean?

I've never once suggested I won't send him. I'm well aware social skills are important.

Curious it's interesting you should say that. The hv suggested an aspergers assessment, my brother has adhd and autism. During the assessment process it was commented we all showed traits! I've declined for now, he's only two.

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 11/01/2016 14:19

Hot housing means forcing academic learning eg flash cards, tutors, and so on. Pretty much what you've already said you aren't going to do!

HackAttack · 11/01/2016 14:25

Nope, no intention of doing any of that. We are very boring and normal, currently at at a play cafe eating cheese sandwiches and mucking about worth toys.

OP posts:
ElderlyKoreanLady · 11/01/2016 14:54

I'm more concerned about how competent your HV is if I'm honest...are you sure it wasn't just a throwaway comment designed to be a compliment? I really don't understand why they'd say something like that otherwise. Any decent nursery will be able to cater to a bright child, especially one who is shy around other children.

My DD (21mo) is quite bright. She could count before she could walk, has great language skills for her age and does come across as very sociable. But nursery is great for teaching children the rules of social interaction, how to react to new situations, how to make friends, compromise, turn taking, how to deal with children they don't get along with...the list goes on. So despite DD being ahead of her peers in some ways, she's still benefiting enormously from the nursery setting.

I can't imagine having a HV who doesn't seem aware of the main benefits of nursery.

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