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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my best friend can't take 5 minutes out of her busy day?

47 replies

Icandoanything · 09/01/2016 22:03

My best friend works for a national company that sells school uniform and last week I asked if she could get me some t-shirts for my son on her discount, which she said was fine, but to remind her on 9th/10th as that's when she gets paid. I text her today with the details saying that if she told me how much they would be, I'd transfer it to her and could she order them today or tomorrow.

Her reply was, sorry but I can't do it today, am working all weekend and barely have time to eat. Call me on Weds and I'll do it.

I know this may seem a bit petty, but as far as I'm aware, it would take all of 5 mins to do it, and I fail to believe she hasn't got literally that time to do it, even on the train to and from work. Also, I know she has a high-pressured job, but it's not like she's saving lives working 18 hour days. Saying she barely has time to eat seems a bit dramatic to me, and I know what her work hours are like - they are long but not the way she is portraying.

I think I'm so annoyed because it's not only this. She lives in London, I'm in the East Midlands and the last time she visited me was June 2014. For my birthday in June, I suggested a weekend away in Newcastle which my other friends were really up for, and she said Air BnB was too expensive at £50 a night, despite earning twice as much as me and having booked a holiday to Barbados! It all just seems very one sided at the moment.

I know I could just let it slide, but it makes me wonder if pursuing this friendship is worth it, if a 5 minute favour is too much to ask!

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 09/01/2016 22:07

Seems a bit one sided op. Can't really comment on whether the 'too busy" thing is U or not but you clearly don't come top of her list.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2016 22:08

If you can't afford the t.shirts without the discount, could you buy less of them for now?

You sound a bit dismissive of your friend's job to be honest. If she's busy then she's busy.

Do you visit her very often?

rosewithoutthorns · 09/01/2016 22:09

Your intro said she was your best friend. Would you loose a best friend over the fact that she's really busy? I have periods where I literally can't do a favour and my friends understand.

Do you think that maybe she isn't as invested in the friendship as you are?

MoMoTy · 09/01/2016 22:10

Or maybe she genuinely is that busy? I agree with Worra, also she's doing you a favor so you can't be all demanding over it.

KP86 · 09/01/2016 22:10

Possibly since asking they've been told no orders for people without children of their own, and now she can't do it?

Either that or she has decided it's all too hard. I have a friend like this - I asked about a discount code for a place she worked at (big online store) and she literally ignored my question. As in, pretended I didn't ask. On more than one occasion, so I just stopped asking.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/01/2016 22:12

I have a job that can be busy or not. Sometimes I have loads of time, sometimes it feels like I just work and sleep. I don't save lives, or sell uniforms, but that doesn't mean it's not crazy busy at the minute.

As you're asking her to do you a favour in ordering something with her discount, I'd just wait for Wednesday. She's said she'll do it then, so presumably that's when she feels she next has some free time. You don't know what she's doing before then, so you can't really evaluate whether it's more or less important than ordering shirts for you.

In general, if you feel that the friendship isn't worthwhile, cut down on seeing or speaking to her. I wouldn't do it over this, though, or her not having money for a trip to Newcastle - she might earn more than you but be budgeted up to the hilt and have no spare money, especially if she's got a big holiday to Barbados to pay for. Maybe she's working extra hours to fund that?

It's horses for courses but I'd try to be sympathetic and presume she'll be more in contact when she's less crazy.

MoMoTy · 09/01/2016 22:12

KP86 maybe she just is annoyed with lots of people asking for discount codes that's why she ignored you.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 09/01/2016 22:12

Yabu. You seem to be expecting her to jump when you click your fingers, even though she'd be the one doing you a favour.

LavenderDoll · 09/01/2016 22:13

If she says she's busy then she is probably busy?
If she is ordering them using a discount then she is doing you a favour and I would just be grateful that she was ordering them for me. What difference does a few days make?
As for not wanting to go away - without knowing her income expenditure it would be impossible to say if she could afford it.

Do you go to visit her a lot and she makes no effort to visit you?

Quinoa20 · 09/01/2016 22:14

Sorry,but YABU. I work for a major chain and get fairly short breaks at work, I don't want to spend even 2 minutes of them still on the shop floor.

Also if buying children's clothes is not a regular thing for her then it could flag up and using a discount for a 3rd party is a sackable offence.

CaffeineBomb · 09/01/2016 22:14

I have been in the position where I am too busy to eat at work and doing a 5 minute task could be added to the list of 100 other 5 minute tasks (I don't save lives either btw).

As Worra said do you visit often? I know you said she earns more than you but this doesn't mean much as people tend to live within their means. Maybe she used the last of her savings or money on a credit card to pay for her holiday

Original poster
Icandoanything · 09/01/2016 22:14

I can afford them, it's just £5/6 makes a difference to me, so if I am able to get them reduced, I will.

I don't mean to come across dismissive, I know her job can be stressful and am supportive of that, but I suppose when she claims she literally doesn't have the time to do what I deem as a small favour, that's when I become frustrated.

I go down 3/4 times a year. I'm on my own with DS, so that involves arranging childcare as I usually stay over. She and my other friends have no kids, so it's actually a bigger hassle for me to go down there. It never seems to be an option to come here. A dinner was suggested in January and it was just assumed I was going down there!

I think now I'm actually venting, it seems to be a bit more than the t-shirts I'm bothered about, and I have felt like this really for the most part of last year.

OP posts:
witsender · 09/01/2016 22:15

You're asking a favour. Just be patient! She isn't ignoring you, just telling you she is busy and doesn't have headspace to order your child some uniform right now.

AssembleTheMinions · 09/01/2016 22:16

Perhaps she isn't allowed to give our staff discount to others. That can be the case in a lot of instances. It was a sackable offence in at least one of my previous jobs.

Still didn't stop people asking for it though. I actually found it quite cheeky tbh.

Original poster
Icandoanything · 09/01/2016 22:17

It wouldn't be buying them on the shop floor as I would pick them up in my local branch. And I know about the buying unusual things as I worked in retail for several years, but I think if that was the case she would have come out and said it.

Her dad paid for her holiday. I know she has excess money as we do chat very often, but that's not really my business.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/01/2016 22:18

Don't ask her again.

If she was happy to do it she would just sort it.

WilLiAmHerschel · 09/01/2016 22:19

It's hard to say. If there's more to this than just the T-shirts that might be why it's bothering you so much. I know when I've been through really busy periods at my job before I became a sahm I'd have weeks where I'd stay in the office until 10-11pm every night and although I literally did have the time to spare to do something else for 5 mins, I lacked the energy/motivation.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 09/01/2016 22:19

YABU. She doesn't have to order things for you just so you can get a discount. She is doing you a favour,she shouldn't jump when you click your fingers! Be grateful she said she'd do it and wait. I hardly think ordering your childs school uniform is her priority - yours yes,but not hers!

As for the birthday thing, just because she booked a holiday in Barbados it does not mean she has enough to spare for £50 a night for someones birthday celebration. People budget differently. Some people with have money earmarked. Some people will have ideas and budgets for certain things.

MoMoTy · 09/01/2016 22:19

I think it's cheeky asking her for it in the first place as she doesn't have children and she might not even be allowed to get a discount. And she's doing you a favour, so even if it's 'small' to you, you don't get to be frustrated when she doesn't jump to do it immediately.

rosewithoutthorns · 09/01/2016 22:19

I feel for you OP.

It seems you are both at other ends of the spectrum at the moment. You having a child and your friends still being free and career oriented etc. I'd back off and maybe concentrate on making friends with other mums in your area for now. Things will even themselves out again eventually.

KP86 · 09/01/2016 22:20

It didn't make that much of a difference to me. Said company has online discount codes every day, just for diff products on their site. I was just trying to jump the cycle!

But what I'm saying (perhaps not eloquently) is that it's probably not worth losing a friendship over.

Original poster
Icandoanything · 09/01/2016 22:22

I think after reading through the responses, I agree to some extent - I am aware that she's doing me a favour, but I'm confused as to why she told me to ask her on 9th/10th if she knew she'd be too busy to do it knowing the hours she'd be working.

Oh and in the past 8 years or so, this is the second time ever I asked for discount.

I think it does feel I'm more invested in the friendship that she is and this does run deeper than t-shirts...and that I can't really be bothered anymore.

OP posts:
rosewithoutthorns · 09/01/2016 22:22

I also think some people on this thread are being gungho bloody mean. The way Im reading it is the OP is hurt about a shift in previous close friendship.

SisterMoonshine · 09/01/2016 22:23

Aweekend away at £50 a night, plus meals / drinks erc is a lot of money to spend on a friend's birthday for most people.

Original poster
Icandoanything · 09/01/2016 22:23

Ok, thanks for all the advice posters, much appreciated.

OP posts:
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