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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DS (5) spend all day on the x-box (also most of the Xmas holidays)

96 replies

FatArsedSofaSloth · 09/01/2016 15:43

I get quite worried that it may affect his eyesight/brain.

He doesn't want to go out on his new bike and I can't be arsed to make him, it's wet and grey and he will whinge, pretend he can't pedal and we will give up after 5 mins anyway.

I have set up painting and he painted a rainbow which took precisely 2 minutes so now have all the paint to clear away for nothing!

I can't stand taking him to softplay paying for over priced warm mochas for me and slushies that give him brain freeze, and the other DC are 'rude' to him and hit him anyway. I did my duty last week.

He is snotty so swimming is out and I am so fat, I can't risk it for fear of being harpooned.

If he had friends over, he would only want to play on the x-box, ipad anyway, cue disapproving looks from the other parent.

We have done the library already this week after school.

He has been on there on and off since 8am Shock, DH let him on it before he went to work Angry. It's all he talks of from the time he gets up.

He is quite happy when on it although gets a bit red faced through to the stress of being eaten.

Other (teenage) DC have been on their phones/fighting with little DS for x-box/raiding the fridge all day.

Feel like a shit parent. Obviously when spring comes we will be out and about more on weekends.

Am I BU to leave him in peace (making him run on the spot occasionally) until then?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/01/2016 16:26

Oh and for the xbox you can put a time limit on it although DS figured out how to get round it.

Lego is great - not too troublesome to bring it out, so what if he doesn't enjoy it at first, do it with him have a competition with a prize for the highest tower or something like that. Or you can submit pictures of lego creations to the lego magazine so get him to do something like that.

WeAllHaveWings · 09/01/2016 16:29

Sorry you cant be arsed and I know its hard in this weather, but at this age its really up to you at to expose him to and expand his wider interests and prevent a reliance on the Xbox to always entertain.

If you are all stuck in the house did they get anything at Xmas like board games or anything non-tech they can play with? Card games? Baking? Simple chores/DIY? Can he get friends over with the rule of no xbox before they arrive, and play the non-techy things?

We spent hours playing one of ds's new board games with his friends one day last week, tbh I couldn't be arsed, but it was a more complicated game with lots of rules and they needed an adult to help them. Prior to that they were out in the cold/drizzle kicking a ball about and I was on hand with hot chocolate when they came in. The more you drag them away from the xbox the more they enjoy other things.

defineme · 09/01/2016 16:30

Yy to doing it alongside him. Painting, drawing, cooking, salt dough, paper machie, junk modeling with the recycling, hama bead, xmas card collage etc are all much better/longer if you do it alongside-dont do the same one, do your own and have a chat.
If he does make something impressive, send it off to Blue Peter with a covering letter and he may win a badge which means he will get in free to hundreds of places-dd got one and it's brilliant.
Play board games...what a performance by orchard games is very active and good for 5 year olds.
Take the sofa cushions off and dive on them.
Even doing household chores is better than xbox all day-my lot love washing windows, washing the car, mopping the floor...don't say would you like to, just hand him the mop and don't expect perfection.
Go wildlife spotting/car spotting depending on where you live.
Find activities you can both do on Saturdays. I have been to the free nature club with dd at the local country park this morning and ds does the junior park run.
It's easy to get in a rut, but you wouldn't be asking if you thought it was really okay.

rookiemere · 09/01/2016 16:33

If you signed him up for a weekend class - say swimming, soccer tots, enjoyaball or something, you could go to the gym/for a walk whilst he was at it, so win win situation.

Hellochicken · 09/01/2016 16:34

I alway think DS would find something to do if we didn't have an Xbox. So I take it away after say 2-3 hours. There are complaints but after a short time he thinks of something else like den building ie making a mess in living room.
Also I get them to help me baking or drawing as I am genuinely enthusiastic and so enjoy it!

FixItUpChappie · 09/01/2016 16:34

Your asking, but it seems you already know it's not healthy...? He is only 5 yrs old for pity's sake - what about regular toys? Play dough? Kick a ball around? Splash in muddy puddles walk? Dress up? Sensory play? Board games? Puzzle? make-believe? Build a fort? Make a boat/fire station etc out of a cardboard box?

My 5 yr old has never played a video game in his life....we manage. Perhaps get on Pinterest for some ideas. I recommend goggling some TED talks on screen time and the impacts of frenetic movement.

Everything in moderation OP.

areyoubeingserviced · 09/01/2016 16:34

My ds does not have an X box or Playstation. He has an I pad. However, he
is not allowed on the iPad Mon-Thurs
On Friday night he is allowed one hour .
Sat/Sun-2 hours each day.

I have to admit that during the Christmas holidays he played on the iPad for four hours a day. This is simply because I was knackered and I wanted a rest. Lazy parenting I suppose.

Salunabaluna · 09/01/2016 16:48

I think you've lost your marbles if you thank that's OK. Sorry to be blunt.

Original poster
FatArsedSofaSloth · 09/01/2016 16:51

Yes, it is shit and he 'suffers' due to me having older DC. Older DC did not have any gaming equipment until they were 8 as I held off as long as I could. If we had only DS we would not have an X-box. He sees his brothers on it and wants to join in. We keep it in the dining room as I want to see what they are playing so he sits with them and has since graduated to playing himself.

He did have 2 x 30 min trips in the car this morning ferrying older DC.

We have just played Junior Monopoly and Mexican Train. He thrashed me on both Hmm.

I would love to do long walks round the forest, country park etc like I used to do with older DC at this age but older DC now teenage will refuse to come (at least one) and I don't like leaving them home alone for too long, especially if more than one as they fight, or walking in isolated areas alone with DS.

DH works 3 weekends out of 4 so in the winter, this is generally how it is.

We have no local family. I could take them all into London on the tube for a museum trip but that is the stuff of nightmares and something I can only do one a year due to nightmares about the previous year's trip.

We are just about to start on his Maths homework and X-Box now off!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/01/2016 16:54

Well on and off I don't have a problem with. I find during the lighter brighter days of the year they naturally want to be outdoors. Solid hours and hours of it I struggle with myself. Even bio shock
where you need about 6 straight hours is taxing and makes me tired and gritty eyed, I can't imagine what it would be like in a young brain.

im not sure what to suggest because it has to come from you. My youngling self regulates because he likes a lot of one on one and I get sorry slung at me or endless tic tac toes. It's easy to just let them get on with it but honestly he's missing out on a lot although I totally understand with it being so miserable outside and we've forgotten the tearing of hair out trying to entertain kids in bad weather before the days of machines.

amberpoppy · 09/01/2016 16:54

I'm afraid I do think you are being a bit unreasonable, sorry.

HermioneJeanGranger · 09/01/2016 16:55

I'm glad the Xbox has been off for at least a few hours today.

I get it's hard with such a big age gap and a husband that works over the weekends, but you need to set different rules for your 5 y/o. It doesn't matter what his older brothers are doing - teenagers have different rules! Don't let him dictate to you by using his older siblings as an excuse, it's not fair on any of them.

How old are the older DC? I know you don't want to leave them for ages but surely you can leave them for a couple of hours while you take younger DC to the park or even to the shops with you to get him out of the house?

Original poster
FatArsedSofaSloth · 09/01/2016 16:55

Have been put off baking with him due to the 'gingerbread house incident'. Need a bit more time to get over that.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/01/2016 16:56

I dunno reading the post before mine it sounds as if you're doing alright to me. He's not on it constantly.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 09/01/2016 16:57

DC have always had access to console and PC.

I make them save the game and we do something else.

Currently DD is having a play bath, will lots of bubbles and toys. ( I am on my phone in the bathroom with her)

It's not heathy to have just 1 hobby.

Use your phone to set an alarm and encourage him to do something else.

ItsANewDayToday · 09/01/2016 16:59

I think you are making a big mistake. X-boxes are too compelling for little kids. I used to let them play for an hour a day at that age with extra time at the weekends or if I needed them out my way.
I used an electronic timer so they could see how long they had and I was VERY strict about when they finished. I let them get to a save point or whatever but then they had to turn it off. If they complained they were not allowed to play the following day and if they continued complaining they were banned for a week.

If I let my DC play too long they would get wound up and frustrated. I think it's bad for them top lay too long. It's different from watching the TV as it's more intense and immersive.

What games are you allowing your DC to play?

I'm sorry but I think you are being lazy. Sad.

TheCatsMeow · 09/01/2016 17:16

I really don't see how gaming is any different to any other indoor hobby and the snobbery it attracts is unfounded

HermioneJeanGranger · 09/01/2016 17:18

Nobody has been snobby about it Hmm I think people would say the same if he'd been watching TV since 7am this morning. It's fine in moderation but not all day, especially for a 5 y/o who has no self-control.

TheCatsMeow · 09/01/2016 17:19

A child with a cold had been on and off the Xbox all day, that's entirely normal. It's such a mumsnet thing to get wound up about screens.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 09/01/2016 17:24

He's 5 years old. I don't think people would've been bothered about a teen spending an odd day on the Xbox.

Original poster
FatArsedSofaSloth · 09/01/2016 17:25

Games are all age appropriate. Older DSs are not allowed games their peers have due to little DS, they have 12 ones which they can play when he is in bed. Only one slightly older is Minecraft for DS.

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 09/01/2016 17:25

There are games that are suitable for a 5 year old. I can remember getting computer games for Christmas and being obsessed with them for weeks. It's quite normal.

DixieNormas · 09/01/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoganJosh · 09/01/2016 17:31

Rather than constant arguments, would it help to have set times for on and off it? We have this and the five yr old does accept it. He would spend ALL day on his iPad but it only allowed 7-9 and after 4 at the weekend. I feel that's too much still and try and make sure we're busy at the four o'clock end.
Does he play with Lego much? That saves our sanity.

sleeponeday · 09/01/2016 17:44

DS would spend his life on screens if we let him. Really, he would. We limit it to 2 hrs on Friday, Sat and Sun, and then on long car trips, or to distract him while his hair is cut. Otherwise we ignore the occasional screaming tantrum because we've learned that we get fewer when we have those rules than when an amorphous "not too much" somehow drifts into way, way too much.

The thing is, when we were kids there was no all day telly, let alone computers and game systems. And our parents didn't feel obligated to constantly entertain us. So a lot of the time, I was bored. And I think that was probably quite good for me - taught me to manage lack of stimulation, and to play with the toys I did have.

Has he lego - the normal stuff? If so, then what I am noticing is how you are taking almost sole responsibility for entertaining him. He is old enough, at least some of the time, to entertain himself. And if he asks mates over and wants to game, say no. Ignore tantrums, just say "tantrums just guarantee less screen time." DS knows if he freaks about screen time, he is on a ban for a week. Full stop. Occasionally that happens, obviously, but so what - the world doesn't grind to a halt because he flips out and is on a longer ban.

I'd sit down and work out what time you think is acceptable, then announce that's the new regime. And stick to it afterwards. Then you can have playdates without gaming, because you have that as a rule which applies across the board.

You have to be consistent, but it does work.