Work friend telling me what a wonderful life XP and OW have and now I'm feeling shit

[CinnamonBunYou]

Apologies for this long, boring, woe is me rant but have no one to talk to and want to get it off my chest.

Split with XP three weeks before DD was born. He was having an affair and the whole break up was awful and him and his family got very nasty and I was the bad one, they said I had made this girl up (the girl he is still with) and it was my fault we broke up because I was depressed and I was neglecting him. After DD was born, I blocked all his family and friends and him from my Facebook because I didn't want them checking up on me and causing trouble and I also didn't want to know what he was up to with OW. I had a few 'friends' trying to shit stir and tell me stuff they had seen on his Facebook and it either ended up me being angry or upset. I told people I didn't want to know and not to tell me what he put about me or DD as it wasn't helpful and I wanted to get on with my life.

Two years later and I'm still not over what he did and the way him and his family treated me but I do see OW did me a favour taking the man shaped child from me and I try not to think about it. The one thing that gets to me is DD spending time with the OW, it really eats me up inside but when he has DD he is obviously going to have her around DD and there isn't anything I can do about it so I just lump it. I try not to care what he gets up to in his life or how he spends his time with DD as that is his time with her so I don't ask and don't look at his Facebook. Ignorance is how I cope.

Was talking to my work friend about his mum boasting to me how XP and OW have bought a house together. I was saying I don't understand why he can't see DD more if he has his own place and lives with OW and was wondering if OW has a problem with him seeing DD. He makes out DD is his reason for breathing and he is this doting father to anyone who will listen but blames his work for not seeing her. I know it's bullshit but he's so charming no one else sees through it. He sees her 3 hours a week and that's it. I ask him to have her more all the time and he either ignores me or makes excuses.

Anyway my work friend asked me if I ever look on his Facebook and I said no, I wasn't interested. Next day she comes in and tells me how she looked on his profile and told me a load of stuff I didn't want to know. How he had pics of him, OW and DD together playing happy families and how lovely there house was, their new cars and holidays abroad, posts about weddings etc and it's really upset me. I'm on my own struggling and I do all the hard parts and and I'm always skint. I don't get to go holidays or out with my friends and no one would ever be interested in me relationship wise (single mum with herpes - thanks to him) so I'm single and will be for the rest of my life.

Now I'm really down because it's made me realise how shit my life seems compared to theirs and how much better DD would be with them than me. They have a nicer house and can afford to take her everywhere and I live in a tiny crappy rented house that has damp and I have to go without everything to make sure DD has nice stuff. I work a shitty job that I hate to make sure I can provide for her. Made me wonder why I don't get to be happy but people like them do. I can fully see DD being ashamed of me as she gets older and thinking her dad is wonderful.

Aibu for feeling this way?

[Osirus]

It sounds like you're doing better than you think you are. As someone else said, children aren't stupid. I watched my mother struggle for us and I appreciated what she did for us. So will your daughter. Things won't always be so hard for you.

[ThisHorseCalledDonny]

Agree with all of the above. I know for sure that several of my fakebook friends post far more glamorous supermummy crap when their lives are at the lowest ebb.
When things are going well they are too busy living their lives to post crap on fb.

Also, for the damp have you tried a dehumidifier or two? There was a thread about them recently. I hesitate to say life changing but I lived in a house like yours and a £40 dehumidifier changed it overnight from a wretched damp hole into a nice warm home. They will pay for themselves in reduced heading costs.

[CinnamonBunYou]

ThisHorseCalledDonny I did think about buying one, but wasn't sure if they actually worked and was worried about the cost. I tried anti mould paint and sprays and I keep up to the wiping of windows but it still appears. I need to do something more because the mould and damp is driving me mad

[ThisHorseCalledDonny]

They work. They really work.

You will be amazed.

Get one :)

[donajimena]

If you can beg steal or borrow for a dehumidifier its so worth it. I'm on prepay meters and I am not paying any more in charges or if I am its negligible.

[amarmai]

op you are doing very well. Hang in with the course work and if you need extra time for assignements , explain your circums to the teacher and most likely you will be given leeway. Be careful with the gm -if you get any inkling that she is doing what you fear , go to a family counsellor and get help, advice and a report that can be used to stop her having access. Your life and your dd's life are goung to staedily improve because of your effort and love. Mould is dangerous for the lungs . I wd not continue to live there. Is there a rental review agency that will inspect the premises and require repairs? There was when i lived in a damp flat in Scotland decades ago.

[Sandbrook]

Oh Cinnamon what a wonderful person you sound. You are very grounded and mature in the way you've dealt with your ex and his family. You're hurt and sore and you've been dealt a harsh blow at a young age yet you're getting through it with dignity and love for your DD.
Even your comment about despising his mother yet realising she makes a good grandma speaks volumes about your character.
Now is the best time to change anything you want. Just get going. Forget the others, sounds like you're doing a great job raising your child and providing for her so now it's time for you.
Can't your landlord sort the mould?

[ProfGrammaticus]

Absolutely agree about the dehumidifier.

[lovefairylights]

i don't usually post on this kind of thread - but just want to say that you did the right thing to post here when you were down. Its a better place to blow off steam than sometimes at the wrong people in real life...
Well done - you seem to be very mature and doing all the right things...
And so agree that facebook is very definitely also fakebook.

Oh and you could ask your landlord to buy the dehumidifier? I'm an accidental landlord and when I couldn't get a damp issue resolved for a few weeks I had a dehumidifier delivered to use until the tradesmen were able to go and fix the problem. It will stay with the property now as part of the fixtures and fittings and the tenants have said they still use it now the problem is fixed because it helps the washing dry so much quicker...

[CinnamonBunYou]

My estate agents sent someone who came and painted the walls with anti-mould paint and told me it was my responsibility to keep the house condensation free and gave me some tips on what to do. I've tried them all and the mould still returns. Me and DD both have asthma as well which is a worry. I have ordered a dehumidifier this afternoon from Littlewoods on pay weekly because I can't afford to buy one upfront, so hopefully that will help

Thanks everyone, I've cheered up now and realise what a tool he is and hope DD sees it too. I will remember your comments next time I feel crap

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Glad you have cheered up reading these lovely posts

And get that humidifier even this small thing might make things better X

[Shockers]

Yep, get a dehumidifier!

And if you can bear to... try to build a good relationship with your X's mum. I know you say you despise her, but she is your only respite because she clearly loves your DD. That's a huge thing to have in common!

[Shockers]

Ooh you've got one coming! You will be surprised at how warming they are too.

[RubbleBubble00]

meh everyone looks happy on fb - it's the ultimate fake

[redexpat]

Thats really positive. Can I suggest a book? Its called how to do everuthing and be happy. Its a v easy read, but it makes identifying what you want so much easier, and is vg at breaking things down into managable goals. Which is what you did with the dehumidifier. Had damp, did everything you were told, found another solution and found a way to pay for it. I think if you wete happier with your life, then you woyldnt feel so upset by your ex. And dont talk to the other colleague about anything youre doing. She might feed it back to him.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Aybu for feeling bitter. 100% of course not. This is a so called man who left you when you were pregnant, shacked up with another women. Of course you're angry. And you're not receiving maintenance from the arse hole. What a pity they government aren't as quick to hound the absent parent as they are to hound the residential parent. This cunt walks away when you needed him most yet its you and your baby that struggle. I think you're more that entitled to be bitter. You don't wish them any good and quite frankly. Why should you

[Atenco]

Another one here who had to bring up a dd on my one with a shit, selfish ex for her father, I'm cheering you on.

I just wanted to say that, though you should not encourage your dd to bad mouth her father and OW, you should let her talk and listen at least. She has a right to her own feelings.

[wallywobbles]

I have had herpes since I was 17. And so do most of the adult population knowingly or not. There are some truly excellent herpes threads here. When I told DP he said so what me too !

I have a truly vile XH. Don't worry it'll catch him up. And I think you need to formalize your current arrangements, via court, so he has you DC every other weekend. How nice he's doing well because he can up his child support payments. Your DC will know that you are the one to be counted on.

Honestly apart from your dubious friends, who you do need to avoid, you are doing fine. But never having a break to rebuild your own life is very hard.

[IJustLostTheGame]

It sounds patronising but counting blessings helps me. For instance:

• see your herpes as a twat filter. Decent guys aren't going to mind. Twats are. Time saved.
  
• you don't have a controlling arsehole as a boyfriend. (Big yay)
  
• your dd loves you.
  
• shit jobs are shit. I've been there. But it does mean when jobhunting you can only move up and onwards. And it's temporary. Dd will get bigger, you will get better employment.
  
• FB lies. Their 'perfect' life involves herpes, emotional abuse, and infidelity. Smoke and mirrors.

[Foslady]

It's come back on here and so happy to see that you're feeling a bit more positive. I'm another one that thinks the dehumidifier will be a godsend and daft as it seems if it works as well as we all hope it does that will be a big boost for you not having that chore every day.
I still have to keep telling myself I'm doing amazing on what little I have and that even though this isn't the life I planned it will get better