To not attend a strangers funeral?

[Angeladelight]

To give some background, I currently live with DP and his father. A lady who lives nearby has recently passed away and her funeral is next week. I've been asked by DPs father to attend her funeral. I never met this woman or her family so I'd feel very awkward going to her funeral. DPs father says as we (me, DP and father) are a family unit we must all attend together as it is the done thing. Now I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to go?

I would go. I've been to 4 funerals this summer alone. One of them was my father's but the rest included one woman I didn't know very well.
All Scottish farming community. We turn out as a mark of respect. You don't have to go to the tea afterwards. You're not intruding on grief. You are being part of a community. I'm glad everyone doesn't think like you.

Re Belgian catholics, similar in Ireland, if a child's parent dies, then generally the class would go to funeral, so would say members of team child played on etc

We're all from England and none of us are particular religious. I suppose it just seemed strange to me to go the funeral of someone I just don't know. I didn't know this woman's name until a couple of weeks ago. DP has agreed to go so I will go also from what I gather we won't be staying long, just for the service and to pay our respects to the family so I feel OK with it. Thank you for all the responses

Different families and different cultures have different traditions. In my French village I was advised emphatically by a kindly neighbour that I must go to the funeral of a neighbour who I had never met. I did as I was told and earned lots of respect and friendliness for it.
Who knows - you may also get some unexpected payback.

There's nothing wrong in attending a stranger's funeral, or a stranger's wedding for all that. Both are public ceremonies.

I wouldn't go myself.

Why would you pay your respects to a stranger? They might have been a horrible person.

I wouldn't go. Funerals are tremendously personal. I would feel like I was intruding on the grief of those who loved that person.

Showing up to a funeral when it doesn't really matter to you if that person was alive or not because you never met them is tremendously disrespectful imo.

DP should go, but I don't think OP should.

I'll shortly be going to my fourth funeral - all the others were in 2007. I'm in my thirties. I didn't go to the funerals of the first three of my grandparents to die.

jengnr I do agree with you, that is how I feel about it. However DPs father is saying it is the right thing to do as she does live on the road and it'll be a "street thing". I do feel conflicted about it but I don't think DPs father will understand it from my point of view. As I said before, he often thinks his way of dealing with things is the correct way for everyone. Regardless of the circumstances.

Also, I did initially decline when DPs father brought up but he pretty much just dismissed me and said no don't be silly we must go...

Oh and have just been informed that the family have said we are welcome to go. Off the back of this thread, I think I'll discuss with DPs dad, try to explain where I'm coming from and try to understand why he wants me to go. Thanks for all the advice though, nice to know AIBU doesn't always have to go pear shaped!

I can't get over the thought of seeing this poor woman's family and friends grieving. The woman's family have never met me, nor I them. I'd feel intrusive but am aware it's not just my feelings I need to consider

Exactly. First and foremost you need to consider the family of / those closest to the bereaved. In England, it would be very odd for people who didn't know the bereaved person (or who weren't there because they were close to one of the immediately family and wanted to support them), to go to a funeral.
I took great comfort from people at my parents funerals who spoke to me about my Mum and my Dad - I'd find it very strange if I spoke to someone and asked them where they know my Mum from, and they said they didn't know her

the funerals I have been to, close family, we didnt talk to those that went, we were in our own grief, following in behind coffin, noting people, but not really, then to grave side, then off to Wake. At the wake you can talk.

no one is going to question why you are there

Scotland has very similar traditions to Ireland, a good turn out is talked about for a long time to come and shows how respected the person was in the community BUT is is entirely up to you if you go or not. If you feel uncomfortable, don't. I've been brought up going to funerals of people I barely know, it's never been questioned why I'm there.

These discussions of cultural differences are interesting. I grew up, and still live in the southern US. It is not considered intrusive to attend the funeral of someone you didn't know if you are there to support family or friends. In fact, having a lot of people at a funeral is a sign of respect.

There is a story told in my family of my grandmother, who was helping a family who was new to town organize a funeral. My uncle who was in college had two out of town college friends visiting for the weekend. My grandmother walked in to the living room where they were all relaxing and said "Did you boys bring suits with you?" They had, in anticipation of being expected to attend church on Sunday. "Well," she said, "put them on and come with me. I need y'all to be pallbearers this afternoon."

I'd interpret DP father's declaration that it was a family matter and you all have to go and a way to saying he would really appreciate your company and support. I'd go if i wanted to support him.

I did wonder if you were in Ireland, until I saw that the funeral wasn't until next week! Like other Irish posters I had been to numerous funerals before starting primary school. My parents and in-laws go to several funerals a month.