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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand this Mum's reaction?

63 replies

Talcott2007 · 08/01/2016 18:29

During my commute this morning I saw (it assume) a mum with her DS no more than 5yrs old on the opposite platform. She was charging along holding his hand and he was practically running to keep up with her. She skirts around one of the metal posts that hold up the roof in the station and essentially drags this little boy straight into it! He smacks his head off it with such a force I heard the bang from where I was standing and he was obviously hurt and shocked - immediately clutching his head and sobbing. (Fortunately someone form the station was there really fast as started offing 1st aid etc) Horrible accident right?

What I can't get over though is the Mum's reaction - she starts screaming at him "why the hell don't you look where you're going?!?" "Oh my God your so stupid!!" Etc.
Apart from the fact that it was actually 100% her fault that he hit his head surely the first reaction should be to make sure he was ok or comfort him, not just to start screaming at him and blaming him? Am I missing something? This can't be considered a normal response to a child being injured?

OP posts:
eatingworms · 08/01/2016 19:33

I have a memory of my Mum being like this too. She'd left me outside a shop holding the dog on a lead while she nipped in to get some bits. The dog was quite big and very strong, I was about 8. The dog dragged me into the shop (on my belly on the floor) and under the counter. I got a massive bleeding scratch under my chin all down my neck, it was horrible. I remember my Mum going ape at me and shouting at me all the way home.
Mum and I have had our issues over the years, she gets like this when she's stressed, anxious. She was going through a horrendous time at that point which of course as a child I was unaware of. Instances like this do damage your relationship though. I know she cares a great deal though, but still, not on at all.

TheSecondViola · 08/01/2016 19:35

Come off it, you're not asking the question you are pretending to ask, since you already know the answer. You're here to say; isn't this awful, come judge along with me.
Which is fine, but why not just say so?

Esmeismyhero · 08/01/2016 19:35

I know my post was too quick and overreacting. Rtft Hmm

Walkingintheraindrops · 08/01/2016 19:38

This is MN you must always call the police for every incident involving emotion you witness!

Ridiculous. I'd just forget about it OP, no big deal, you can infer a million things but know nothing

Furiosa · 08/01/2016 20:05

I can relate to this BlushSad

In the instance you described I see myself comforting my DS (he did once walk into a lamp post and was flat out on the ground) but I can understand losing my temper when they hurt themselves. I know it will seem awful to most but it's my go to reaction. I just get angry when things go south with me, my loved ones, everyone. It's a stress reaction at not being able to come to terms with an even more stressful situation that you are living in. It's NOT good but it doesn't mean the mum didn't kiss her child and hug him after you had left, read a bedtime story about being sorry and kissed him goodnight.

What you saw was such a small snap shot of that woman's life. Would you like to be judged on random 3 seconds of your daily life.

That said, you were the one who saw it so judge for yourself..

Original poster
Talcott2007 · 08/01/2016 20:10

TheSecondViola - your right I am saying that I thought this was awful - which is definetly a judgment on my part - not sure why you think I'm not asking genuinely the question though? I was wondering if there was another perspective on this that I was missing and clearly from the responses there is - i hadn't really considered that the Mum might have been having a bad day or that this could have been a totally out of character response in the shock of the moment. Of course I still feel sorry for the little boy but also a bit less judgemental of mum because as people have pointed out what I witnessed was a few minutes and might not tell tell the whole story. I'm new to MN but Isn't this the whole point of posting in AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 08/01/2016 20:21

Not quite the same but walking to school yesterday another mum said to me that DS (6mo) had been sick, my response was to slightly snap back that there was nothing I could do about it. No idea why I was so arsey but I think it was embarrassment that I hadn't spotted it. Not sure how I could have as DS was forward facing in the buggy with the hood up as it was raining. I even had a tissue in my pocket but I remember being annoyed with myself that I'd forgotten to pack a muslin.

So I can see how an odd response could be a deflection of embarrassment from walking your child into a post. It's hard to say sorry or admit you've made a mistake especially in public. Feel sad for the boy though.

Pyjamaramadrama · 08/01/2016 20:24

Of course it's not good.

I did once shout at ds to stop acting like a child. He's 7 ffs, anyone who heard must have thought I was a complete and utter twat but I was at the end of my tether with him that day.

lorelei9 · 08/01/2016 20:43

Purple, that's something that mystifies me, the idea of it being hard to say sorry or admit you're wrong, even in public. Why is that hard? I don't think you snapping at the lady was anything like what the woman described in the OP did, so I'm not asking about that, but just generally.

I just can't see a situation where shouting at a five year old who has hurt themselves because they were being dragged around is okay. if you're angry at yourself, go and self flagellate later, don't take it out on the kid that's just been hurt.

Yes it is a small snapshot but sadly I think it tells us a lot, if she apologises to him later he probably won't remember, especially if his head still hurts!

Furiosa · 08/01/2016 21:36

lorelei, purple did nothing by comparison to the woman OP described.

Notgivingin789 · 08/01/2016 21:46

It seemed to me like it was more of a panic/shocked reaction. Maybe she was rushing (dragging) to take her child to school (as some children can be unbelievable slow when your in a rush).

lorelei9 · 08/01/2016 22:10

Furiosa, if you read my post, I said clearly that what Purple did was nothing like what the woman in the OP story did. Please don't misrepresent me.

VashtaNerada · 08/01/2016 22:16

Yes, I can imagine snapping in that situation if they'd been misbehaving and I was ill or stressed. I'd feel awful a few minutes later though and would be Nice Mummy again.

Furiosa · 08/01/2016 22:27

lorelei I'm not intensionally misrepresenting you but you did highlight purples post to explain your lack of understanding when people find it hard to say sorry. It seemed an odd thing to do, specifically as she had said she found it hard to say sorry in her circumstances and how they may relate to what the OP saw.

I don't think I've misrepresented you there?

lorelei9 · 08/01/2016 22:55

I mentioned Purple because Purple was the person who said some people find it hard to say sorry so I was asking generally why that might be.

I should have quoted directly from Purple in the first place but the copy and paste on my phone is temperamental, sorry.

So for avoidance of doubt, here it is now
Purple said "it's hard to say you're sorry or admit you've made a mistake" and I was wondering what is hard about that.

I said that what Purple did was nothing like what the lady did and I was asking in general.

Furiosa · 08/01/2016 23:35

I understand now lorelie

Have you ever typed the word "purple" so much in your life? Grin

FlatOnTheHill · 08/01/2016 23:37

Poor kid. No its not normal behaviour.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/01/2016 23:47

It really could be either or

A hugely stressed mum reacting very very badly
Or a snapshot of an abusive parent

We just don't know

I got very stressed before Xmas and can imagine myself reacting akin to this - it's under control now fortunately

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/01/2016 23:52

Esme Grin

FilthyRascal · 08/01/2016 23:53

I can also relate to this, it sounds awful and I hate that I can but its true.. When the dc are messing about, being really silly and you warn them and warn them what will happen if they continue - then bang - child hits self on floor after leaping off the sofa on their ride on fire engine. Often my first reaction is frustration, because then I have a crying child on top of whatever other problem I was dealing with (always seems like that's the moment it happens!) I KNOW I could handle it better, and when I do it its that I'm tired and stressed and all out of parenting energy right then, I'm trying to work on it. But I can understand it and generally I think I'm a pretty good mum, so don't judge her too harshly. She's probably doing that enough for everyone on this thread.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/01/2016 00:18

DS has autism and dyspraxia. It wasn't me, but i can imagine that our normal railway station behaviour, ie three meltdowns, a trip, a fall, a forget to pick the bag back up and a stand up fight about just not liking the noise, when you have to catch that train... Can lead to you doing things that make you less than proud when you reflect on the day that's been.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 09/01/2016 02:38

Truly unreasonable would have been demanding vouchers from the station for putting the un-toddler-head-friendly post there without a written and loudly tannoy announced warning in five different languages.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/01/2016 02:41

Shock can bring out very strange reactions. I wouldn't assume she was always abusive. Hopefully she gave him a big hug and said sorry when she calmed down.

kinkytoes · 09/01/2016 02:57

I can well imagine being stressed out enough to react like this under certain circumstances (and I haven't had the pleasure of parenting a 5 year old yet). Agree with stopfuckingshouting's post above. Maybe the mum is dealing with early pregnancy sickness which makes everything worse - just one possible theory.

I'm glad someone was on hand to offer assistance. Poor little lad.

lehcar75 · 09/01/2016 03:11

It was most likely a very stressed Mum! You see them in Tescos all the time. What she did was wrong, but to suggest that complete strangers should go and hug the child, or that the police should be called is well OTT! Get a grip people......