AIBU to think this parent is being (a bit) U?

[Pedestriana]

Was chatting a friend yesterday. Her DS is having a birthday party this weekend, with a lot of school friends invited. They're all at primary school.

Friend got an email on Monday from mother of one of the children to say her DS could no longer attend the party because she was now going on a Spa weekend with family. Apparently it was only booked on the Sunday evening before she contacted my friend.

I said to my friend that in my opinion the mother had made a commitment and it was unfair of her to renege on it. Friend said that if it was a family commitment then it trumped a kids party. I understand the kids are pretty good friends, but don't know how the one now withdrawn from the party feels.

Greenish
Me too.
Omg the bliss of never having to communicate with other bonkers parents !

The child will probably have been told who is coming to the party and will be looking forward to seeing them. So they may be disappointed. And this may be multiplied if a lot of people take the view that they can drop out.

The child may be disappointed that the friend couldn't come, but equally the friend may not come because of being ill/car breaking down/etc - up to us as parents to manage disappointment and teach children that things can change - whether we think the reason is valid or not

Look it's not spiteful or mean but you can only invite so many children. Therefore you choose the ones most likely to attend! The ones who don't come, I will not have got the parents number most likely, nor will I have met them, so when I do invite kids to Halloween parties etc I generally invite those I have met who I can ring up.

The others just drop off the radar.

Quite right housemum there's a fair bit of specialsnowflakeitis going around on this thread.

I think you do need to help your child deal with someone not attending a party they wanted.
I was just merely trying to point out that if a child is not joining in with others, for whatever reason, they may not get other invites too. It's sad, but it's natural.

Interesting to hear the various views. I think she's paid already for the party so will be out of pocket somewhere in the region of £15.

I don't know the finer details of who is looking after the child whilst the mother is away, but given the conversation with my friend, I assume nobody can take them along.

I must say it's not something I'd do. If I had committed to something, but had 'a better offer' albeit at short notice I'd have to keep to the original plan. Given that it's only a few hours, I'd have though it would have been easy to join the Spa thing a bit late, so's not to miss out?

That said, I can't afford a Spa weekend, so if someone was offering me one, I'd jump at the chance.

Family events only trump birthday parties when they have been arranged first. No one forces you to accept an invite, but when you do, you take that risk that something better may turn up. **
**
I think I agree with this. But because of that I recently had a dilemma. My eldest (5) was invited to a couple of parties before Christmas. Both kids not his regular playmates, at big soft play centres (which he is not mad on) but lovely kind mums who I know (not close friends). The sort of invitation that I would persuade him to accept if we had nothing else on. But the invitations came 2.5 months before the parties! Way to early to know what else was happening. If it is rude to change your mind after an rsvp then should it be rude to invite too early?? E.g wedding = 6 months notice fine, acquaintances to kids 4th birthday at soft play centre= 6 months notice not ok.

Oops bold fail. First bit was a quote from a previous poster.

The child may be disappointed that the friend couldn't come, but equally the friend may not come because of being ill/car breaking down/etc - up to us as parents to manage disappointment

Yes there will be cases of illness, cars breaking down etc. occasionally. But the difference is that those are unavoidable, which is different to being let down by someone who had a better offer.

Meh. My kids go to loads of parties. I've never had a spa weekend, and can't afford one, so if someone was offering I wouldn't think twice about sacking off the kids party.
And since you're neither the supposed attending party or the host, I can't imagine how you can care enough to even ask, but each to their own.

What would people do if they'd already accepted an invitation to a party for adults, and then got invited to the family spa trip? Unfortunately I think people would be less likely to drop out, because it's less easy to drop out of an adult's event. Surely it isn't "special snowflakeitis" to have respect and courtesy for a children's party invitation as you would any other? What message does it give to young people if dropping out of things for a better offer is seen as acceptable?

YABU. These threads terrify me. I can't believe how precious people are about their parties. I give big parties, invite loads, accept refusals graciously, chase people who haven't answered and then get on with having fun! But some people on here really think that everyone's world has to spin around them.

meh

there's no way the kid is likely to have his day ruined by a no-show

Spa Mum's given plenty of notice for Party Mum to invite someone else off the B List instead

I think it's really rude to accept an invitation to anything (whether it's for yourself or your dc) and then to cancel because you've had a better offer.

My dd has always loved going to friend's parties. She would have been really disappointed if she thought that she was going to a party and then I told her that she couldn't go after all because I wanted to go to a Spa.

If the invite had already been accepted, then why couldn't the Spa have been booked on a different weekend? I think that it would have been worse if the mum hadn't bothered to phone and had just not bothered turning up, but still think it was bad manners.

damn! friends' not friend's

The mum should just not have mentioned the reason. Then third parties would not find themselves in a position where they feel the need to be critical."Something's come up" would have sufficed.

There are So Many Kids' Parties, especially when you have 2 or more DC, so family wellbeing - or the mother's wellbeing/opportunity for some potentially much needed and rare relaxation should be the priority over the accepted good etiquette of sticking to the first thing planned, regardless of its relative importance.

Am I alone in hoping people actually cant make my dc's parties to keep the numbers down?

I wouldn't give a rats arse if someone cancelled and all this tit for tat about inviting and not inviting children who can't make it is really mean. Chances are next year they won't have a family occasion so the circumstances would be different. To not invite that child would be beyond petty.

In the words of my 8 year old when we were discussing a similar topic this week 'Everyone has to make choices. Sometimes they include me and sometimes they don't. Either way, I'm sure I'll survive!'

I'm pretty sure they all will - if this threads anything to go by, it's the parents that'll spontaneously combust!

snobbly you misunderstand. I only do one large party, then revert to small ones. It's not mean not to invite someone I've therefore never met. In a sense I don't particularly single out the reason and say oh your mums been rude I won't invite you, more oh Joseph seemed nice when he came to your party, shall we invite him...

I wouldn't know the reason necessarily...and yes I'm keen for numbers to be culled so I don't mind...