To get DH to tell MIL the truth?

[Wellysocksbox]

This is awkward. And I apologise to any non-meateaters out there who might be offended at this thread, it's honestly not intended but is a genuine situation.

MIL and BIL came to our house for lunch on the day after Boxing Day (27th Dec). I was under strict instruction to give them "leftovers" from Christmas lunch and not to make a fuss over lunch. Technically, this would have been easy but MIL is a vegetarian who doesn't eat cheese nor "foreign food" ie stir frys or pasta. I know. it's her. She lives off Quorn sausages and chips and vitamin pills.

My own Dmother was staying with us over the Christmas period and on Boxing Day morning at 8.30 am she received a call telling her to move all her furniture upstairs as there was going to be a significant flood risk. By the time we'd all argued about whether to drive her back or not it was too late and the roads were closed due to the flood water. In the end, I took her home by train on 27th Dec, the same day as MIL and BIL came to lunch.

OK, here's the AIBU. I was planning on making a puff pastry tomato tart for lunch, with bits of feta cheese on one half for BIL and plain on the other half for MIL, together with a green salad. However, the York floods put me off my stride and I left the house without preparing anything, leaving DH in charge.

So, I come home later that night and DH tells me that he'd made his mum a salad sandwich and she'd polished off the sprouts and roast potatoes. I went bat shit BECAUSE I'D ALREADY TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE HER THOSE TO EAT - the potatoes were cooked in duck fat and the sprouts were full of chestnuts and bacon. Apparently she wolfed them down.

And here's the really bad part. DH phoned MIL for their weekly chat and apparently she's now got this craving for meat and she doesn't know where it's come from - she's been veggie for 19 years and this is the first time she's ever been desperate for a bacon sandwich.

I don't know what to do - I feel guilty as it's our fault (up to a point, though) and it's definitely DH's fault for not listening to me - so should we tell her the truth or leave it as our secret and hope she gets over it? I do feel bad though, it wasn't done on purpose, but now 19 years of good work on her part is about to be unravelled.

Nope. It's really annoying, and people should stop doing that. I might as well go around saying I'm a vegan who eats offal.

DD1 a vegetarian (well she eats fish), on moral grounds

Your DD is not a vegetarian if she eats fish.

Also if she does it on 'moral grounds' she shouldn't be eating fish either, unless she makes a concentrated effort to buy sustainably sourced fish.

The vegetarian but eats fish is really annoying.

I owned a restaurant and people would ask about vegetarian specials. That many people claimed to be vegetarian, but then order fish that the staff started clarifying and asking 'are you vegetarian or pescetarian'

Vegetarians got annoyed and looked at them like they were made, as obviously they were vegetarians. But the amount of people that say they are vegetarian when they aren't is unbelievable.

I don't eat meat and would rather not know to be honest, so say nothing.

For those saying she must have known, I haven't eaten meat for over 20 years and the odd times I have by accident, usually at buffets, I haven't recognised what the taste was - bacon bits in quiche, fish cake etc.

Keep quiet, what she doesn't know, won't hurt her.

Viola, you really don't need to be so stentorian about it. Unless you actually want to get people's backs up.

maybe, people have different reasons for eating or not eating things. You can't lay down a rule like that.

And yy to vegetarians that ignore certain foods containing meat products if they can. My partner was annoyed when I checked the ingredients of sweets he kept buying and informed him they had gelatine in. "Why did you tell me? I'd have happily eaten them if I didn't know'. Er, because what with you bring a vegetarian I thought you wanted to avoid meat products?!

And I'm highly suspicious she 'didn't notice' bacon. Unless your DH picked the bits it. It still has a strong taste that's distinctively meaty.

I don't eat meat and if anything has been even in the general area of bacon, it's obvious from miles away. And yes, anybody serious about being vegetarian would ask about what potatoes were cooked with. She knew what she was eating. If she has no tastebuds, what did she think those pink bits in sprouts were?

Why is it always fish?

I've never met a "vegetarian that eats bacon". (Although in Spain they often seem to think a little ham/bacon doesn't count.)

PMSL @ a vegan who eats offal

"I'm against animals being farmed, but if they're already dead I'll eat the gross bits nobody else wants."

I DO want to get their backs up. If they are annoying me, I can annoy them back

I had a veggie friend unexpectedly round for lunch a while back. Nothing planned and wasn't sure what to give her (or have myself!) so we rifled through the fridge and found some butternut squash soup I'd made the day before. But it had chicken stock in it, which I told her. She said she was craving the soup now she'd seen it, and would rather not have known so she could eat it with a clear conscience! I'm not quite sure what to do if it happens again.

Never mind telling her the truth, you should ask DH to gently steer her in the direction of a good optician.

If she couldn't see (or taste) large bacon lardons in sprouts then she is in need of professional attention.

When my veggie friend couldn't make supper recently I was secretly delighted to be able to make it with chicken stock and put bacon in it.

Mmmm.

Eating meat or animal products once doesn't undo 19 years of good work ffs. Those 19 years still count!

I hate this attitude that if you are veggie and have a sliver of bacon, accidentally or not, you are suddenly obliged to start yamming steaks and chicken breasts as if there's no tomorrow.

If you are veggie and knowingly eat a sausage or bacon or whatever, you can just go back to being veggie straight after. Anyone who ends up eating meat regularly again is clearly looking for an excuse to do so. It's not crack cocaine, it's meat.

I call myself veggie for convenience, but I've actually eaten meat twice this year and probably 5 times in the past 5 years. I typically don't have cravings for it.

If she has been veggie for 19 years,im assuming she is in her 400s or 50s.So she ate bacon,meat before then.So she knows it was bacon,shes just trying to guilt trip you into admitting it.

I did have to laugh at this thread,its been very entertaining.

I find the OP hard to believe. Are you sure your DH isn't winding you up, OP? Both about feeding his mum what he claims and her suddenly craving meat?

I would just stay out of it and not saying anything. You have told DH and he chose not to follow the instructions. Now he can try and explain to his DM where she got the meat craving from.

I'm afraid I laughed at this! She knows about the bacon - she knows & is trying to cause a fuss - you've already mentioned her control freakery

As for vegetarians wolfing it down, they'd be rabbiting it down, surely...

Veggie here - say nowt. Not your problem (I'm in the I bet she knew camp). Is dshe jealous of the flood-attention your mum was getting?!

How can she not have known there was bacon in the sprouts?!

She so knows.

maybe, people have different reasons for eating or not eating things. You can't lay down a rule like that.

I didn't lay down any rules, I merely pointed out that you can't call yourself a vegetarian if you eat fish

maybe, I meant this bit: unless she makes a concentrated effort to buy sustainably sourced fish.

That's not the only reason someone might have for being pescetarian.

I would stay out of it. As PPs have said it is up to DH whether he wants to tell her or not.

only that poster said her DD was a veggie on moral grounds. I was just pointing out that in that case I would also expect her to eat sustainable fish, unless of course it's the whole sheep and cows are cuddly and cute but fish are not argument.