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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get DH to tell MIL the truth?

92 replies

Wellysocksbox · 07/01/2016 11:21

This is awkward. And I apologise to any non-meateaters out there who might be offended at this thread, it's honestly not intended but is a genuine situation.

MIL and BIL came to our house for lunch on the day after Boxing Day (27th Dec). I was under strict instruction to give them "leftovers" from Christmas lunch and not to make a fuss over lunch. Technically, this would have been easy but MIL is a vegetarian who doesn't eat cheese nor "foreign food" ie stir frys or pasta. I know. it's her. She lives off Quorn sausages and chips and vitamin pills.

My own Dmother was staying with us over the Christmas period and on Boxing Day morning at 8.30 am she received a call telling her to move all her furniture upstairs as there was going to be a significant flood risk. By the time we'd all argued about whether to drive her back or not it was too late and the roads were closed due to the flood water. In the end, I took her home by train on 27th Dec, the same day as MIL and BIL came to lunch.

OK, here's the AIBU. I was planning on making a puff pastry tomato tart for lunch, with bits of feta cheese on one half for BIL and plain on the other half for MIL, together with a green salad. However, the York floods put me off my stride and I left the house without preparing anything, leaving DH in charge.

So, I come home later that night and DH tells me that he'd made his mum a salad sandwich and she'd polished off the sprouts and roast potatoes. I went bat shit BECAUSE I'D ALREADY TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE HER THOSE TO EAT - the potatoes were cooked in duck fat and the sprouts were full of chestnuts and bacon. Apparently she wolfed them down.

And here's the really bad part. DH phoned MIL for their weekly chat and apparently she's now got this craving for meat and she doesn't know where it's come from - she's been veggie for 19 years and this is the first time she's ever been desperate for a bacon sandwich.

I don't know what to do - I feel guilty as it's our fault (up to a point, though) and it's definitely DH's fault for not listening to me - so should we tell her the truth or leave it as our secret and hope she gets over it? I do feel bad though, it wasn't done on purpose, but now 19 years of good work on her part is about to be unravelled.

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 07/01/2016 11:57

Leave it, DH's mother, DH gave her the meat, DH spoke to her on the phone. if she goes back to meat eating from this it might make catering for her a lot easier

Oh and re the fake allergies, you have my sympathies, there is not a food on this earth my mother "doesn't like", but lots and lots of things she suddenly "is allergic to" or "can't eat". Like your MIL, there are often foods she "can't have" when each of the consituate parts are just fine if in something else...

Kryptonite · 07/01/2016 11:58

Definitely don't say anything, you didn't do anything wrong! More fool your DH for not listening to you.
DH is a vegetarian and I think he'd be of the opinion he'd rather not know as well.
You'd juts be causing angst by fessing up.
Another one thinking how the hell do you not notice bacon in sprouts though?! Potatoes being cooked in something non veggie is something you don't always think to ask, but bacon bits in sprouts? Surely you'd notice that! Confused

Postchildrenpregranny · 07/01/2016 11:58

DD1 a vegetarian (well she eats fish), on moral grounds, for 15 years did try some chicken over Christmas and was not struck down by lightning/ suffer a stomach upset (which I feared). She is anaemic and wonders if she should eat meat . She says the only thing she ever craves is a bacon sandwich
She's always been laid back about potatoes cooked in fat etc and wears leather
KEEP SCHTUM
Thers no way inadvertently and unknowingly eating a tiny amount of'meat' would trigger a craving-I think she guessed and is using as an excuse

Birdie85 · 07/01/2016 11:59

Keep quiet, your DH's mistake and your MIL's bigger mistake to not look at the lardons and think, 'Huh, they don't look like vegetables'!

My friend is a vegetarian and will only avoid certain foods once she's been told that they're non-veggie friendly i.e. will happily eat chip shop chips cooked in dripping as long as she isn't told. As soon as it's mentioned she comes over all virtuous and avoids them... until the next time/chip shop! Wink

Don't lose any sleep over it!

RoganJosh · 07/01/2016 12:00

Is it just me thinking she knew about the bacon and is now trying to make you feel bad?

Arfarfanarf · 07/01/2016 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 07/01/2016 12:01

oh and yes, I reckon she realised, remembered she rather likes bacon and meat and is looking for an excuse/way to blame someone else for her decision to stop being veggie. (and lots of veggies I know tend to crave meat when it's cold and miserable outside and traditional 'winter comfort' foods tend to be heavy on the red meats in this country - it seems easier to be veggie in the sunshine).

Cachareltastic · 07/01/2016 12:06

I am craving Prosecco, Chocolate and cream cakes right now but will deal with it, so she can deal with her meat cravings. I also wonder if she realised and is winding you up?

Don't say a word.

Smilecherishdream2016 · 07/01/2016 12:06

I'm sorry this made me laugh out loud .
I can't believe she didn't taste the bacon Hmm
I wouldn't say a word about it .

Maybe she is a Pamela from Gavin and Stacey Grin

SevenOfNineTrue · 07/01/2016 12:14

I wouldn't say a thing.

Figwin · 07/01/2016 12:15

What good can come of telling her? It's not like she had an allergy. Surely this is humorous situation and not one to fall out over. It's his mother after all

amarmai · 07/01/2016 12:23

is your dh a bit wicked? IMO he thinks it's funny and i laughed too as i am a veggie who succumbs to bacon now and again.

Asskicker · 07/01/2016 12:27

I can't see why this bothered you so much or at all.

Leave it to your dh to tell her or not.

He didn't do it purpose (or maybe he did) but he did it not you.

I am sure if this has caused her meat cravings, it will pass. It probably hasn't though.

Tbh if it was my mil (who I like) I would laugh and move on

FlatOnTheHill · 07/01/2016 12:30

Craving for meat Hmm
Dont tell her. Whats the point. Just leave it

allthatissolidmeltsintoair · 07/01/2016 12:33

I'm a bit suspicious that she suddenly has a craving for bacon. It doesn't really work like that. I've been veggie for 25 years and I've occasionally eaten meat by accident (almost always at buffets where things aren't labelled). At no point has this consumption ever led to a craving for more! (Even really, really addictive substances need to be consumed several times for an addiction to develop).

This leads me to the conclusion that she suspects something rotten in the state of your sprouts!!

You can buy quorn lardons to go with 'veggie' sprouts. You could always tell her it was those??!

thewookieswife · 07/01/2016 12:35

I was at a posh dinner with DH and I was served Cockaleekee soup while he polished off my Mushroom one ! It was a simple mix up and I immediately knew it was wrong - but hey ho - it didn't kill me - if I'd had an allergic problem then I'd have kicked up a fuss - but it's just my preference ! So I just left it !

I'm sure she knew as soon as she tasted the food ! Don't blame yourself - your fab cooking just reminded her of what she's 'been missing ' so now she's maybe going to go back to meat ! It's her choice ! Just let her get on with it ! And keep quiet until she brings it up ( not literally !!) I wouldn't bother lying about it - was DH's mistake not yours !

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/01/2016 12:36

Leave it! Of course she noticed the bacon, no veggie eats bacon bits and doesn't notice! Even if she didn't just leave it. No good can come of telling her. It's unlikely to have caused a 'craving for meat'.

You know what vegetarians are like though! They're all secretly desperate for meat, hence her "wolfing it down"

This is a bloody stupid thing to say.

TheSecondViola · 07/01/2016 12:37

Nothing to do with you, OP, you weren't even there. Leave it to those that were.
I find it very hard to believe that any proper vegetarian could eat large pieces of bacon without at least enquiring what they might be.

Oh, and this poster: DD1 a vegetarian (well she eats fish), on moral grounds
She isn't a vegetarian. Not by any definition of the word. Stop calling her that.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/01/2016 12:42

This is a bloody stupid thing to say.

It was a joke. Made by a vegetarian.

Funny too Grin

BarbarianMum · 07/01/2016 12:43

DD1 a vegetarian (well she eats fish), on moral grounds

Ah yes, fish. That well known vegetable Hmm

HopefulAnxiety · 07/01/2016 12:48

Eating fish but not meat or poultry = pescetarian, not vegetarian. It makes life difficult for veggies who get given fish dishes because people think vegetarians eat fish.

I'm also reminded of Pam from Gavin & Stacey. 'You're eating ham Pam!'

Mouseinahole · 07/01/2016 12:48

I believe the word is pescetarian :) or something similar (posting to test nc)

SaggingTits · 07/01/2016 12:49

Partner and best friend vegetarian. Both say they don't want to know if they've accidently eaten meat/meat products.

OnlyLovers · 07/01/2016 12:50

Stop calling her that. Hmm Dial it down a notch eh?

maybebabybee · 07/01/2016 12:50

There's no bloody way she didn't notice the bacon in those sprouts.