Aibu to wonder if divorce statistics don't really apply where I live?

[Aliceinbogna]

I'm separated from my eldest DC's father and moved to a tiny seaside village.

I was having lunch with a group of mums and they were discussing a recent separation of someone they knew which they felt was slurping when they all began saying, 'my husband would never cheat' or 'i cant see us getting divorced.'

They are all in long, stable marriages, some married to their high school sweet hearts. I cant see any of them divorcing or any strange stuff happening. Am I being unreasonable in believing this?

I grew up in a city where divorce rates are high and this place feels like a bubble!

Am I being naive and idealistic?

I don't think you can look at other people and tell if they are happy always. I know of someone who been married nearly thirty years. We said thought it wouldn't last. But it clearly has done so it must give each other something they want!

divorce stats are higher in canada. 50% for 1st m and 75% for 2nd. I have a couple of friends on their 3rds ! Didn't know about the village hot beds?
Any way you decide ,it's work. Just depends on how you choose to spend your life's energy.

People saying they can't imagine getting divorced or cheated on is not a reliable predictor of whether those things will happen. But otherwise, YANBU. Divorce rates vary according to things like religion, previous marital history, age when married, education level etc. So yes, you could well be in a 'bubble' because the people where you live are representative of people from their background but not the population as a whole.

The divorce stats are averaged out over the country, though, as PP have said.

My parents (70s) have no friends who have divorced; in their families, there is one divorcee (DF's cousin - now 80).

My brother (30s) 's friends are all now divorced.

My friends (40s) never married.

I think a lot depends on ages, "fashion" and what's going on around you to normalise divorce as an option too.

There are threads on here sometimes with people wondering about divorce because their life is just a bit blah - my parents' generation, for example, would have regarded that as part of a cycle within a marriage, the ebb and flow of a relationship, and not grounds for divorce. If the women you know don't know a lot of divorced people themselves, it becomes much less of an option unless something is really wrong within a relationship.

I think you are quite right hefzi.
People do follow others.

OP, I think it's just because your friends are still relatively young. Think it's more common to divorce when the kids are older as most people want to do everything they can to make it work when they're very little and they're still at the age when they're having babies. Not that I'm saying people don't do everything they can when children are older but I think it becomes much more apparent whether it will work or not.

Your friends are being very naive to think their husbands will never cheat though - there's plenty of time for that to happen still. In fact, I bet one of them has already had it done but is unaware

None of my friends are divorced. Not my old friends, not my "new" (school) friends. I know many people who are divorced but they aren't my mates.

Lots of DP's friends are divorced. Including him!

My friends are like me and work really hard at their relationships. TBH I think it's absolutely key to realize early on in life that a relationship - be it with a partner, a child, a friend - always requires a lot of input from both sides, and in an ongoing way.

Surely mid-30s is very young for a divorce? I know one person in his 30s who's divorced, but that's it. Most people in their mid 30s haven't been married that long. I think that you have to look at people in their 40s, 50s and 60s to know what the stats are like in your area. And people saying that they don't expect to get divorced doesn't mean much - no one expects to get divorced when they get married, but that doesn't mean they won't.