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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was rude? (Friends night out)

66 replies

pasturesgreen · 06/01/2016 15:29

I was due to go out with three friends on Saturday night.
Known each other since we were at school, so more than fifteen years. It's very rare we can meet up as a foursome these days, as we all have various work and family committments.

This catch up was arranged specifically because the date suited Friend 1. She said she could make Saturday night as her fiancé was away with his mates. This is very in character for her, as she rarely socialises on her own. Anyway, they're getting married in a few months and have things to arrange, so I was prepared to cut her some slack this time.

However, she emailed this morning regretting that she'll have to cancel as fiancé is not meeting up with his mates any more, and she'd rather go out with him instead. She'll let us know when he's off on his own another time, so we can rearrange specifically for a night when he's unavailable.

I suggested to the other two friends we could meet up anyway, seeing we're all free and was told there was no point as Friend 1 now can't come and it would be rude to her. Plus she'll hopefully be able to rearrange soon. They geniunely couldn't see why I was annoyed so I'm asking you, wise people of AIBU, Friend 1 was BU, wasn't she?

I don't mind her cancelling, that's perfectly within her rights and she didn't do so last minute. It's not that, but the fact she clearly said she'd much rather spend time with her fiancé than with her friends. I was left feeling second best. Would I be petty to decline a future night out she deigns to organize?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/01/2016 18:00

YANBU. I wouldn't bother with any of these people in the future, tbh. And I mean that. Can't abide flakey twats and their sycophants. Life is too short. I'd do a breezy, 'Well, let me know when you are available,' and then decline.

Whatsername24 · 06/01/2016 18:05

I have a group of friends/ex-colleagues like that. If one particular one cancels, then the whole night out has to be rearranged but if anyone else can't make it then it's a matter of her saying "oh that's a shame hun, maybe next time?" It annoys the hell out of me and I have suggested in the past that we go out anyway but the others all seem to side with her. One friend had to drop out once because her sitter let her down at the last minute but she suggested wine, pizzas and a girly night in at her flat instead but this wasn't acceptable to Queen Bee who wanted to go out out.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2016 18:19

Why keep twats like this in your life, Whats?

ItsANewDayToday · 06/01/2016 18:25

The friends are all being unreasonable but I'm not sure that makes them 'twats', that's a bit extreme.

AmberFool · 06/01/2016 18:31

I remember I had a friend like this in my early 20s. Lovely person but it was all about the boyfriend. I stopped seeing her after she agreed to a meet up on a certain date because he BF was busy that night - as per usual.

I think your other two friends were a bit off as welll, TBH.

AmberFool · 06/01/2016 18:31

*well

expatinscotland · 06/01/2016 18:34

'The friends are all being unreasonable but I'm not sure that makes them 'twats', that's a bit extreme.'

The truth. Flakey Friend makes it clear she will drop any mate for her man, fuck all their plans, and expects everyone to rearrange round that. That makes her a twat. And the sycophants are just as bad.

KERALA1 · 06/01/2016 19:19

Just don't lend her any money !

SanityClause · 06/01/2016 19:28

I am in a group of 4 friends, who meet for lunch three times a year. If someone had to drop out, we'd arrange another time we could all be there.

But we wouldn't cancel for a crap reason. I think one person has cancelled once, and it was because her DD was ill.

So, actually, I think Friend 1 IBU.

chrome100 · 06/01/2016 20:08

Fuck me, Friend 1 sounds like a total nightmare! I really couldn't be arsed with people who only wanted to see me because their partner was away. I'd have just met up with the others, she's the one being rude.

DirtyDancing · 06/01/2016 22:16

She's a dick. Major probs in her relationship if she can't go out cause her hubby is at home: let him enjoy the TV Remote for the evening

diddl · 07/01/2016 07:20

So, one friend wanted to be with her OH.

OK, I kind of get it.

Wouldn't be what I would do.

But the others who thought it would be unfair to meet when they have been dumped by her as well.

Just can't gat a handle on that at all!

MoMoTy · 07/01/2016 07:48

Dh and I try to meet up with friends when Each other is busy as we don't get a lot of time together. However if our plans get cancelled we would never cancel on our friends, that's just so rude and blatantly tells them they were a second option. Think you need a new group of friends not sheep.

FlatOnTheHill · 07/01/2016 07:50

I would be pissed off like you

scribblegirl · 07/01/2016 07:56

Fuck, I had a friend who was like that. She would only meet up with us on nights when her fiancé (later husband) had something planned. So we had to coordinate the whole of the group's meet ups around his schedule, and he wasn't even coming! She's since ditched us for some new friends (who are exactly the same as her...)

Trills · 07/01/2016 08:03

If they only want to meet up with her (rather than think they would be rearranging this night in the near future) then I would suggest they don't really like your (or each others) company - move on!

If their money and time are scarce then they might be reasonable to think that "we'll rearrange very soon" is a good reason to cancel.

But it might just be that they are not that keen on this meetup and so want to get it "all done" in one go.

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