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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude? (Friends night out)

66 replies

pasturesgreen · 06/01/2016 15:29

I was due to go out with three friends on Saturday night.
Known each other since we were at school, so more than fifteen years. It's very rare we can meet up as a foursome these days, as we all have various work and family committments.

This catch up was arranged specifically because the date suited Friend 1. She said she could make Saturday night as her fiancé was away with his mates. This is very in character for her, as she rarely socialises on her own. Anyway, they're getting married in a few months and have things to arrange, so I was prepared to cut her some slack this time.

However, she emailed this morning regretting that she'll have to cancel as fiancé is not meeting up with his mates any more, and she'd rather go out with him instead. She'll let us know when he's off on his own another time, so we can rearrange specifically for a night when he's unavailable.

I suggested to the other two friends we could meet up anyway, seeing we're all free and was told there was no point as Friend 1 now can't come and it would be rude to her. Plus she'll hopefully be able to rearrange soon. They geniunely couldn't see why I was annoyed so I'm asking you, wise people of AIBU, Friend 1 was BU, wasn't she?

I don't mind her cancelling, that's perfectly within her rights and she didn't do so last minute. It's not that, but the fact she clearly said she'd much rather spend time with her fiancé than with her friends. I was left feeling second best. Would I be petty to decline a future night out she deigns to organize?

OP posts:
PaulaOfThePunnet · 06/01/2016 16:16

There isn't enough of a connection between you all and I think this event was moved to "boring one we do just to tick off a list" for them.

Keep updated via Facebook and look for new people to socialise with.

If Friend A starts socially struggling with her husband and then wants to "hang out with the girls" and have some female solidarity for someone to support her through man troubles, tell her you're busy painting your toenails.

DragonsCanHop · 06/01/2016 16:17

They are all bu.

Just because 1 of four can't make a pre arranged and agreed date doesn't mean no one goes!

Figwin · 06/01/2016 16:23

I think me and my friends might be a bit gobbier that your mates as we would have met up and had a right moan about it along with a few words said to her particularly if the one missing actually said I'd rather be with the fiancé.

Don't worry, normal to feel pissed off at all of this. Have a good rant at another mate over a glass over the beverage of your choice.

diddl · 06/01/2016 16:26

Are you all young?

I have a feeling I might have at some time in my teenage life blown out friends for boyfriendBlush

Wouldn't expect that the whole thing would fall through though!

The others do like you, don't they??

Original poster
pasturesgreen · 06/01/2016 16:36

Thank you everyone!

I hadn't thought much in terms of the other two DFs being U, so hearing all the different perspectives was interesting.

In response to those who wondered, her fiancé is the most laid back bloke you can imagine and I'm sure he's not giving her grief for going out without him. They've been together for years and this sort of behaviour has only come up recently in the run up to the wedding, so I hope once that is done and dusted DF will be back to her usual self.

Dontcallmethat, thanks for that, it made me laugh! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
pasturesgreen · 06/01/2016 16:40

Diddl, no, definitely not teenagers, all early 30s; one married, one engaged, two singles, all childless as yet (for context).

I do hope they like me, yes, we were at school together so plenty of opportunities over the years to drop me if that was not the case Smile

OP posts:
diddl · 06/01/2016 16:45

I think it's a shame as it comes across that they won't do it for you but they would for her?

Maybe they would have cancelled the same had you dropped out.

Have you ever been out just three of you?

Maybe they like the dynamics of the four?

It's odd (imo) that they think it's unfair to her to go out without her.

whois · 06/01/2016 16:47

Firend 1 being v U and not much of a friend.

Friend 2 and 3 also crap. They should still want to meet up as a 3.

lill72 · 06/01/2016 16:49

They are all mad.

Wanting to see your fiance over mates if something you should never admit even it were true.

You should have met up regardless. Friend 1 was still having a night out, just not with you. Why should you not enjoy a night out when she has clearly chosen someone else over you.

They all sound a bit hard work to be honest

KERALA1 · 06/01/2016 16:54

So because of the whim of one man 4 women miss out on pre planned night out. That is madness.

Shirkingfromhome · 06/01/2016 17:07

I think your friends are a little strange. Can she only have a life outside of the relationship when he does? It's odd that your other friends have cancelled to. Is there more going on here?

Either way you need some new normal friends.

diddl · 06/01/2016 17:08

"So because of the whim of one man 4 women miss out on pre planned night out."

More like one has changed her mind & the other two cba!

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/01/2016 17:12

I can't stand people like this. And as for the other friends dropping out because Boyfriend Barnacle has ditched your all, well they sound wet!

rookiemere · 06/01/2016 17:32

YANBU. They all sound wet as anything and as for fiancé friend cancelling so close to the event - well it shows where her priorities are.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/01/2016 17:34

Can you imagine their dreary little sex life?

They probably keep spreadsheets on who's licked and sucked what, for how long and on which date.

MsMargaretCarter · 06/01/2016 17:35

I was going to say you might need cut the other friends some slack - I might occasionally want to rearrange to see the max number of people possible because I don't have a lot of available babysitting - but I see you are all child free so YANBU!

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/01/2016 17:35
Grin

Wrong thread! Although your friends do sound dull enough to do this......

Goingtobeawesome · 06/01/2016 17:37

She's being silly to not want to miss a night with the man she lives with to see old friends she rarely does.

Your friends not wanting to set up still because Queen Bee isn't coming is very rude to everyone else.

Only1scoop · 06/01/2016 17:38

Yanbu

I cannot stand people like this it's ridiculous.

You guys should have gone out anyway after being blown out.

Or find some new friends that aren't attached at the hip?

I'd never dream of cancelling just because OH plans had fell through.

Pathetic

megamoz · 06/01/2016 17:41

She was definitely BU. I say that as someone who 90% of the time would rather spend time with my DP rather than my friends Blush

But I wouldn't blow them off for him!! You should have all gone out without her.

deplorabelle · 06/01/2016 17:41

Good grief where do you find these people? Breathtaking loons the lot of them. And rude too.

patienceisvirtuous · 06/01/2016 17:43

Fuck 'em OP and find nicer friends.

Floggingmolly · 06/01/2016 17:48

How in the name of God is it "rude" to go ahead and do something without a person who's declined to come along? Confused
Is she their puppet master?

The80sweregreat · 06/01/2016 17:50

Your not unreasonable. The others are.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/01/2016 17:52

Oh is she of those is she. Can't go anywhere if her trophy of man isnt hanging off her arm. Hmm. I wouldn't ask her again. TBH.
And when she starts asking why she's being excluded. I'd really tell her exactly why. Just supposed it was just you and her going out. You'd arranged a baby sitter and bought yourself a new dress ect. Unless there's a good reason. You just don't let people down.