To think that I've made a complete mess of my life and it's probably never going to change?

[SadPatheticCow]

Where do I start?

I am 33, going on 34 and I still live in the family home with my parents. I want to leave, in fact I dream of it but I'm single and I'm not even sure I'd be able to afford it on my own. Aside from this is there is the fact I've that I've never lived independently so I have no clue about budgeting, paying bills, council tax or anything like that. I wouldn't know where to start, it terrifies me and I find it so overwhelming.

That all sounds disgustingly pathetic I know, and I'm actually ashamed to put it down on here but it's the truth. I have mental health problems going back to childhood, it started with school refusal when I was eight and has developed into anxiety problems. I should say I am quite bright academically and did well when I was actually there, I also had friends and was lucky enough not to be bullied so there was no real reason for any of this but it continued right through secondary school. My parents didn't really know what to do with me, my mum is quite an emotinally distant person who has never hugged us or told us she loved us and her reaction to this was to scream and shout at me for not going to school.

So I failed my GCSE's because I was never in school, and went from dead end job to dead end job. When I was 19 I wanted to become a holiday rep, even had the application forms but my parents talked me out of it. Instead in my early 20's I went back to college, retook my exams and then applied to university. You can guess what happened next can't you? My parents talked me into applying to a Uni close to home, I did this dutifully went to a local one enjoyed it but missed out on the proper experience of Uni.

In my late 20's I had quite serious breakdown which had been building over the course of a few years. I was on AD's for a while and was unable to work, I also had counselling and was told that my family were the root cause of my problems. I couldn't work during this time.

So now fast forward to now, I have a job but it doesn't pay a lot, certainly not enough to pay rent, bills etc. I live in my family home watching my parents get older and turn into my grandparents more with each passing day. My future seems quite horribly bleak, when they die I will be fucked won't I because I'm on my own and I haven't got a clue how to look after myself? I missed it all in my formative years. Sometimes I think I should try and look for a relationship, but I'm hardly a catch am I? Almost middle aged and still living with the rents.

I don't know what to do? I say I'm going to try and change things, but I never do. So I've ruined my life havent I?

I met one of the workers on a cruise. She was in her 60s and worked for Royal Caribbean I think it was in the infants section. She used to work in a nursery and thought she'd do this for a bit. She loved it.

Don't worry about how to pay bills etc. It will all fall into place. Loads of people on here to help out with advice.

I'd breakout and do something different. I wouldn't be looking for mundanity but adventure for a bit. Then come back and settle down. You'll meet people from all over the on the cruise ships.

Here you go - see if anything appeals (some in German but others in English later on):

www.allcruisejobs.com/child-care-jobs/

Now I work with SEN children, and I enjoy it a lot but there's no money in it at all.

If you still want to travel, and you want something you can get into fast without committing to years of retraining... TEFL.

Scrape together a grand and as soon as you do you could be a few short weeks away from your CELTA shaped passport out of dodge,

You have experience with kids and a degree, add a CELTA and the world is practically your oyster.

The pay is crap, the conditions are often awful, but I have seen many people your age or older have a second bite at the "young free and single, shared flat" sort of experience by taking a couple of years out to do something different. Plus it is a new place, new people, you get to reinvent yourself if there are aspect of your past you'd like to leave in Blighty. And if after a year or two your feet no longer itch.. you can go home with some new work experience and another language to add to your CV.

Schools and other teachers EXPECT new arrivals to have no clue about beurocracy and bills etc. So people lend a hand and there are websites full of tips for each country.

If it floats your boat, PM me. I'll point you at your options

You absolutely have not screwed up and you are still young. I know somebody your age who feels very like you do right now and she has just applied to go volunteering overseas (on a farm). She wants to get out of what she feels is a poorly paid, dead end office job and out of her aging parents house and intends to spend a few months working in Europe. She doesn't have any other languages but is looking forward to meeting new people. She sees it as a great opportunity as she isn't renting/house sharing/doesn't have commitments etc.

Another friend has spent years travelling and working as a volunteer (she is a nurse) but has said there are always opportunities for people with skills and you certainly have those). She loves travelling and the socialising and laid back life in the sun, mixing with other people and all living together. She is a bit embarrassed sometimes to say she is volunteering as she says they really all enjoy their lifestyles so much.

Please change your mindframe and see all the positives. There are days I feel so bogged down (today was one of them) and to have a chance at starting over is enviable.

you absolutely haven't made a mess of your life. If you've not lived on your own before it's easy to believe you couldn't manage bills and generally doing the things that need to be done. But if you can make the break and get out of your comfort zone, you really will find that you can manage just as well as the next person.

I hadn't lived on my own till I was in my 40's. First with very over-protective parents and then with an abusive husband who treat me like a child and refused to let me look at, never mind deal with, paperwork of any sort.

I divorced him eventually, when the fear of leaving was less than the thought of staying, and I surprised myself totally because I manage just fine. There's a lot of help out there from so many sources, that somehow, someway, I'll find a way of dealing with the stuff I find tricky (anything technology based, assembling flat pack furniture etc etc). I've found youtube a massive help with everything from how to operate the heating in my flat, to how to answer a call on a smartphone. And the feeling when you work out what to do is really great.

Look into benefit entitlement - you might well be eligible for things like housing benefit etc. If you take up some of the jobs other posters have mentioned, it could be that your accommodation will be provided.

You can change things. Your job is not to be responsible for your parents happiness. If there is emotional blackmail being heaped on you if you announce a big change, then you will need to keep reminding yourself that it's ok to move out and to live your own life away from them. And it truly is.

And if you want a relationship again you are no worse a catch than anyone else. You are not defined by your current living arrangements. You are far far more than that. Try work towards making the changes you want by starting off with smaller steps to build up your confidence a bit.

Hey honey, the fact you even think about bills and what you can afford shows how responsible you are. The citizens advice and most banks help with budget planners these days if you ask.
Could you get a second job, something you enjoy but allowing you a bit more money? Keep positive. Wishing you well x

Thank you all, there are some good ideas here. I know I need to make changes, I just need the confidence to do it. I will look into training to teach English abroad, in fact one of my cousins already does this in a European country. I'm quite a long way from most UK airports, the nearest is Manchester but that an hour or so away taking traffic into account. I suppose I'd have to move closer to it though wouldn't I

Huh? Nobody lives near an airport! Why do you need to live near an airport?!

If you live overseas- you'll only be needing an airport a couple of times a year

OP

There's a MOOC on Coursera if you want to dip your toe. in the water.

I would recommend that you go into a house share situation, you don't have pay the full rent then and there will be company if you need it.

Turn your perspectives around. You are actually in a very good place. What you see as negatives are actually positives.

For a start, living with your parents means that you do not have the liability of a rental agreement or a mortgage. You have very few overheads or financial commitments. This gives you capacity to make pursue avenues that people with partners, homes, children, bills cannot. You can, pretty much, just wake up one morning and leave.

You need to qualify what you mean by "traveling". There are a lot of jobs that involve huge amounts of travel, but that doesn't necessarily mean you get to spend a lot of time exploring a foreign destination. I have a friend who flies all over the world with his job, but he exists in a world of bland corporate offices and conference rooms -- no matter whether they are in the US, India or Japan.

You work with SEN children. There is a lot of opportunity here if you wanted to go back to university. You could train as a teacher, or consider further qualifications in SEN (you could do a masters, for example). There is no reason why you couldn't pursue research in this area -- universities look favorably on people with real world experience, particularly in this field.

For example, I know one woman who went to university in her early-30s after being a teen single mum, and found her experience bringing up a child jarred with accepted theories of early infant language acquisition (something to do with initial vocalisations) and she went on to formulate an alternative theory that is now receiving international attention.

The moral of this story is: you often don't realise what you know, and you often don't realise how valuable what you know is.

Again, there are huge numbers of people whose work involves people who work with SEN children. Somebody has to teach the teachers, write the materials, create the resources, write the books, organise and administrate the services whether they be public or privately offered. Again, somebody has to assist and support the people that diagnose SEN in children. There's no reason why that couldn't eventually be you.

And do not be so hard on yourself about your age and the fact you have never paid a gas bill. There are always new and scary things in life, things you have never done before and that terrify the shit out of you -- no matter whether you are 35 or 75, no matter whether it is setting up an account with a utilities provider or being an executor for a will.

When you do get the job overseas you will send us all a post card please;)

I'm sure you'll manage fine, you sound more switched on and sensible than a few I know who are all over the world! and place too;!

'tis your Oyster, grasp it:-)

Best of luck anyway!

Wishing you luck on taking the world by the hands and breathing it in.

I think you are in quite a strong position if you look at it a different way. I also used to be a TA/ LSA for SEN and I know how poorly paid it is. I had to work evenings in bars to make up my income. I really enjoyed that work though and met a lot of people.

Look at a site called snap childcare. They are a specialist SEN agency, I have been registered with them for a long time, I do something different now but often check in to see what is available. There are a lot of live in nanny positions that may suit you perfectly. Some abroad...in the sun. Give them a call. Good luck!

What Werksallhourz says - you couldnt be more free and mobile than you are, you could pack a rucksack of clothes and get on a plane out to a foreign job tomorrow if you wanted to! There must be some jobs that include bed and board, or assistance in finding a place.

Possessions and relationships are good but they are also a tie and a commitment to staying where you are.