to ask how you get used to not taking your child to/collecting them from school?

[livvielunch]

I'm at a point in my life where I either have one more child or a career I am partially trained/qualified in. I have always wanted to teach and know I would love it. However, without meaning to sound judgemental or goady, I can't get over the fact that it'd mean never taking my children to school, never collecting them, missing nativities etc. I've been a SAHM for 9 years and love it and part of me would love another child but they would be number four and we then wouldn't be able to afford for me to train to teach.

If I taught I'd drop my DC off at various childcare providers/schools at 7.30 and not see them again until 5.30. I just can't imagine it and feel guilty for even considering a career when we can afford for me to be a SAHM. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Aibu to not know how to get over this feeling?

Can you not teach part time if you train when DCC older?

*DC4, sorry

I imagine you just get on with it, once you've done it a couple of times it will become your new normal. Lots of jobs mean that barring annual leave you miss the school run (and you save most leave for holidays!).

That said, I wouldn't do it in your shoes. My two best friends are teachers who have qualified in the last five years and it sounds like a nightmare job for work life balance. The hours upon hours of working at home is what would put me off, missing drop offs and pick ups is just the tip of the iceberg.

Are you desperate to have a 4th child? If not, couldn't you train and work part time? Yes you'll miss some of the kids' things, but not all of them.

On a positive ote though you would get 13 weeks holiday off with your kids ( assuming their school holidays were the same as yours ).

What does the rest of the family think? Why are you so desperate to have four? Will you want to stop at four or will you keep thinking "just one more"?

I think that the not dropping them off or picking them up would fade into insignificance compared to the long hours and stress of teaching.

I don't mind the working at home. I'm a night owl and DP works nights so I could do it then. DP is supportive either way. The dc would rather I stay at home. The training is a year full time - I'm not sure I could deal with seeing the dc so little for just that year even if I was fortunate enough to then find a part time position.

I'm doing it just now. It's not ideal, I miss all the playground chat and never get to see the teacher so all communications are through the homework diary. Not a huge issue for dd1 but dd2 just started school.

I just keep telling myself it'll be worth it in the long run.

I'm in Scotland though so not as much pressure in evenings etc

DH did this when DD1 was 6 months till she was 2. He hardly ever saw her and it made us all miserable as teaching takes over your whole life. How you'd teach with 3 kids I do not know. I'm sorry but as a recent teaching widow so to speak I cannot recommend anyone gets into teaching till the mess gets sorted out.

My god! Don't teach! There is no work life balance imo and I have been at it 9 years. It's getting worse and I somewhat regret my career choice as it really interferes with my family time.

Obviously AIBU telling you NOT to teach but I would seriously suggest you put it on the back burner and enjoy being a SAHM for a little longer.

You sound a bit idealistic about what it will be like to teach. Especially the first few years, will be tough. But obviously you should do something you want for yourself too - for me it would depend how old your dcs are just now.

Staff at our school are allowed to go and watch their child's Nativity. Several of them work part time so they can spend time taking and picking up. One used to take her girls to school and a TA supervised and ran a programme each morning till she came back about 9.20 am. Some schools are flexible. However I will say that a lot of mature PGCE students find it quite overwhelming. It is a lot of work and most staff are in until 5 or 6 at night and often work again after cooking and putting the children to bed. Not many have more than two children. Could you go and volunteer for a term? You will get an idea and it will help your application too. An alternative is to look for a TA job and then if you want to go ahead in a few years time then your children will be older.

I think the only way to manage teaching and a young family is to work part time. I qualified in my 20s, so buy the time I had children was top of payscale. This meant I could afford to work part time. Yes, there are drawbacks, but there are benefits too...

Apart from inset days, when the children are off you are off to. So generally speaking, little childcare costs. My children have never gone to a holiday club, for example - something they feel most put out by!

In secondary, a lot of the work can be done at home. So when I finish teaching at 2pm, I've left by 2:30 and take my work home with me. I don't need to stay at the office until 5pm to get my work done. I understand this is very different in primary though.

If you're part time, you can have timetables to enable you to be at the school gates. For example, when my DC were little, I worked 9 - 12 every day. This meant that I was able to do every pick up. You can also use your free periods to the same effect. I'm full time now, but due to my timetable I am able to drop my daughter off at school two mornings, pick up two afternoons, and DH does the other day. Between DH, my parents (who pick up twice a week for me) and my work, I don't use any paid childcare. In fact, I only need my parents to provide 1.5 hours of after school care twice a week.

You can change your timetable every year to meet the changing needs of your children. So when my children were in preschool, I did longer days, but when they started school I did more days a week, but worked hours within the school day. I was able to change this to meet my children's needs.

However, a lot if this comes from having previously "done my time" and proved myself. My bosses know I work darned hard, and always do my best. I try to be flexible and work with them to meet their and my needs. So, I get a lot more back from my boss, they let me take my free periods to pick up my children, or to come in late when I drop my daughter at school. It also varies school to school - not all bosses are quite so accommodating!

Eek, off too! Writing this on my phone - bound to have lots of other errors!

Oh and I've never missed a nativity either! My boss has always let me have it off, I make the time up .

Common to finish teaching closer to four than two, though.
Your school sounds great and will get a lot of commitment from their staff as a result.

My dh is a teacher. Leaves the house at 7 am and back at 5 pm. Plays with ds for an hour or tow then back to marking/planning.

I work too and my ds is in childcare 8-6 three days a week.

This is the reality for loads of people- not just teachers.

If it a calling/ vocation then go for it, but if you want a career I thing other jobs would be easier to balance work/family.

Many, many schools do not offer the flexibility discussed here. I wouldn't go back to teaching now, the govt are fucking around with education too much.

Just to say, please, please try and find a teacher you know in real life to talk to before you make any decisions. I'm a primary teacher and recently dropped from full-time because the stress levels and demands on my free time were INSANE (and I have worked in other industries) and I simply could not see how on earth I would manage it alongside having the family I wanted. I was utterly miserable - despite the fact that I am a perfectly capable teacher.

So I quit my full-time post. I now teach one day per week, do other unrelated freelance work for the rest of the week, am pregnant, and am much, much happier.

I did my teacher training as a mature student and have not found a school that has permanent part-time work. By chance I had a job share for a year and they expected me to take over the other persons hours when they went on longterm sick. I now supply teach which is not ideal but allowed a work life balance when my kids were young. There is so much bureaucracy that it takes over your life.

Most people who work don't drop their children off or see their nativities. It's not unique to teaching. So I wouldn't be put off it from that aspect.

I would do my training in a local authority nursery school or primary, neither of which are close to my children's schools and with a traffic clogged town there's no way I could do any drop offs even with flexibility from the school I was working at. I'd love the nursery school job most of all and thought it may be better work/life balance wise as my hours would be set to be there from 8-5 and not quite so much paperwork.

I know several teachers with young families and they all hate it and are desperate to get out of education. Think very carefully about it.