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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend isn't talking to me as I didn't contact her, AIBU to think that she is being ridiculous?

40 replies

Sianykins · 03/01/2016 20:28

As she didn't contact me!!

I have had a very busy and stressful few months; I am a carer for my mum, who is disabled and lives alone and she had to have an operation and has been unwell. I work part time in a sales environment and it has been our busiest time of year. I have 3 DCs to run around after. Plus I've had a bout of flu thrown into the mix.

I sent my friend a Christmas card and have sent several texts in the past couple of weeks to see how she is, and have had no reply. I have commented on her FB and got no reply or acknowlegement even though she has 'liked' other peoples' comments.

This is not the first time that a so-called friend has done this. Why should it always be up to me to make an effort? If I haven't heard from someone for a while I would never get the hump and would just assume that life is hectic for them, as it is for us all.

AIBU to think my friend is being ridiculous?

OP posts:

CakeFail · 03/01/2016 20:30

Yanbu and you are well rid of her by the sounds of things!

MaliaGrace · 03/01/2016 20:31

Sorry you've had such a busy time. I would cut her loose. She doesn't exactly sound like a true friend otherwise she would've presumably been there months ago to offer you support?

Are you really going to lose anything if you end the friendship?

Rpj16 · 03/01/2016 20:33

Eugh. I feel your pain. But friendship works two ways, cant all be one sided! SO you've made your effort now over Xmas. Ball is in her court now.

And good friends should be able to go for months without speaking and be able to pick up where left off (not sure everyone will agree with that).

xmasseason · 03/01/2016 20:34

I've had the same thing recently. It's a shame as we were old friends going back a long way and it has come as a surprise. I too would just assume someone was having a hectic time if they weren't in touch for a while.

cranberryx · 03/01/2016 20:35

It takes two to tango. Simples.

If this person is so bothered about uou

cranberryx · 03/01/2016 20:38

Posted too soon!

If this person is so bothered about you, she would have made contact. I would leave it until she comes to you, there is only so much you can do.

magpie17 · 03/01/2016 20:38

YNBU. I always say that the road goes both ways and somebody cant moan that you haven't contacted them if they haven't contacted you unless they have been going through a bad/tough/difficult/stressful time and needed you the most. In this case it seems like it's you that has been having the stressful time so I would say you're off the hook.

Original poster

Sianykins · 03/01/2016 20:38

Rpj16, exactly! I can go months without speaking to or meeting up with some of my best friends but we always pick up where we left off.

To be fair, I do usually make an effort with friends, but lately with everything going on I've not made any effort really.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 03/01/2016 20:50

She does not sound like a good friend. Why did she not contact you in the couple of months to check your OK, I presume that she knows you care for your disabled Mum, got kids and work' that's a check of a lot of responsibility. Shes done you a huge favour, by going NC with you. She not a good friend.

invisiblegorilla · 03/01/2016 20:50

She's being ridiculous. Doesn't bother to reach out to you but gets the hump because you haven't contacted her either? Are you meant to have some sort of long-distance telepathic link that keys you into the fact that she wants you to talk to her?

Getting moody because a friend with three children, a sick mother and a busy work period hasn't been in contact lately seems pretty self-absorbed. She should have the brains to realise that it's not some personal affront. Is she the type to look for a reason to get upset with someone?

Branleuse · 03/01/2016 20:52

shes not a good friend.

BackInTheRealWorld · 03/01/2016 20:54

Fuck her. Seriously. You have enough on your plate. Don't waste time on self absorbed ingrates.
I really hope you don't let this bother you unduly.

Inkanta · 03/01/2016 20:57

Sounds a tricky dicky and aggressive. Passive aggressive. One of those types that punish and make you feel guilty although you know you've done nothing wrong,

LittleBeautyBelle · 03/01/2016 20:57

Yanbu at all. But she is. I hope things get less stressful and busy for you. I agree with you and pp that I never rebuff a friend like that just because they've haven't been contacting me, I assume that they've been busy, and take up where we left off when we do get in touch.

Sianilaa · 03/01/2016 20:59

YANBU!

I had an ex-friend do this to me. We invited them over to our house, had a lovely evening. Life gets busy and two weeks go past and I receive a written letter saying how disappointed she was that I hadn't been in touch and therefore she wanted nothing more to do with me and she was now not attending our wedding. She hadn't contacted me in those two weeks either! I figure she was looking for a way to end the friendship anyway. Nutter.

I would leave it with your friend. She sounds pathetic and childish - if you have a problem with a friend then discuss it like adults, you don't refuse to speak to them!

ButtonMoon88 · 03/01/2016 21:01

My first thought is; my God is she 6?!

Adult life is busy, it's a shame, but regularly happens to me, whereby three months have gone by and I haven't had a proper conversation with my old pals but then all I have to do is call them and we chat forever!

YANBU- you have tried enough, I wouldn't continue to chase her, best of luck with your mum OP X

Original poster

Sianykins · 03/01/2016 21:01

I've got to see her on the school run every day once the kids go back. That should be fun....

OP posts:

aquashiv · 03/01/2016 21:04

A mutual friend has told me today that this friend isn't speaking to me anymore as I didn't contact her for a couple of months. Which is true, I didn't, but she didn't contact me at all during that time.
If you are 100% sure she said this then blow her.
However, if she were ever a friend could you not contact her and see if she is ok?

Original poster

Sianykins · 03/01/2016 21:05

I've tried to contact her but she hasn't replied to any of my texts.

OP posts:

Inkanta · 03/01/2016 21:09

You could humour her I suppose. Call her - only so that she doesn't get under your skin during term time. She's not good friend material and hopefully you will detach in your own way.

Youarentkiddingme · 03/01/2016 21:10

Of course she's being a twit! My best friend and I speak daily usually, texts and phone conversations etc. If we ever don't we assume the other is busy etc.

Most of my other friends I speak to once a month maximum and probably see them 2-4 times a year.

Maryz · 03/01/2016 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Youarentkiddingme · 03/01/2016 21:12

well surely of you do school run together you have been in contact in last few months

gandalf456 · 03/01/2016 21:13

Two months is not very long at all. She sounds very needy and you have a lot on your plate.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/01/2016 21:15

On the school run, treat her how she treats you. Ignore!

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