to worry about my 4 year old in Reception

[hottea]

Long time lurker, 1st time poster. So please be gentle

My daughter was born 7 weeks prematurely in August. There were few health concerns, but now she is a normal happy girl. She is the youngest in her school year. She started Reception this year and can so far do the following:

• know all her phonics sounds and moved on to learning diagraphs
• finished reading ORT level 1+ books (so can read cvc, cvcc, 25 tricky words and now words with diagraphs. But she still blends most words before reading, rather than reading on sight
• can write most alphabets, but gets the letter formation wrong sometimes.
• can spell some cvc words and most tricky words she knows
• can write sentences with lot of support. Not all words sit on the line.
• can count till 20, understands the concept of adding 1
• can write numbers 1 to 20, but writing can have numbers flipped
• her communication, sharing and playing in a group, going to toilet and behaviour is very good at home and school. She is also very happy at school and seems to take playground fights and friendship issues in her stride and often tells me to stop worrying about stuff! But I am a born worrier!

School has commented that her concentration is not good, motor skills need improving and needs to speak up in groups more.

I have also been told not to worry about her as even though premature, she is progressing fine.

But I guess I am human and I am concerned that her concentration is not what a 4 year old's should be or that of her classmates. Her drawing and colouring is also more basic compared to her friends.

So my question is based on the above, do I have reason for any concern? I am probably just being pfb. Thanks if you got this far!

I agree, your DD is doing very well.

Try not to compare your child's achievements to those of other children in her class, she is the youngest in class and there will be visible difference for a few more years at least. However teachers will be aware of this and will not be setting her unrealistic goals.

I have two kids - one nearly the oldest in his class, and one nearly the youngest, and it shows. The oldest is often bored (tasks too easy) and the youngest often under pressure (tasks too challenging), but in broad terms both are doing fine.

My younger child was stubbornly doing flipped letters and numbers well into Year 2, and it hasn't prevented her from winning a prestigious literature competition in Year 4.

Relax

Oh meant to add, how are her scissor skills ? my dds nursery school teacher spent a lot of time practicing using scissors, glue sticks.

Xmas, the teacher suggested playing games to improve concentration and to use lego/colouring to improve motor skills.

We have been doing this with her. But her concentration can be pretty poor sometimes. I think it is because she likes to look around a lot and observe what goes on around her. So the teacher said that if dc is given a task, dc will start on task and then might turn around to listen to what 2 other kids are talking about. DC will then forget to complete task because of the distraction. I know this is true because she gets similarly distracted at home and when we go out.

She can stay concentrated on a task if it really, really interests her.

Thanks for the suggestion on gymnastics. I will look into it.

My cousin was born 4 months early in August. She did well in year R and although discussion was had about her staying back she's moved to year 1 and is flourishing.

Your DD is doing brilliantly. I think any parent of a summer born worries (my DS is an August baby) because we hear about summer norms struggling and even more so when you previous expected to have a child who was one of oldest.

I think to be perfectly honest you know she's doing absolutely fantastic. Especially only being in school for what 4 months.
sorry if I offend anyone but I'll say it as I see it. I think somewhere a long the line. This is a stealth boast.

You guys are great!

Kitty and BeYour, thanks for your insights. Very helpful. Good to hear about your experience and from a teacher too! All replies have been helpful, so sorry if I haven't mentioned everyone's name.

Wiggle, her scissor skills aren't great. She will very enthusiastically use scissors and glue stick. But her cutting is slow and her sticking not firm enough. But she can cut along the required contours fairly well.

Is this a stealth boast? my son is yr 5 and still cant cut straight with scissors! You sound a bit over invested maybe.
I have no idea if he could do most of the things on your list in reception tbh.
It's more important at that age that they are having fun and learn to make friends.

The scissor thing was picked up in my dds nursery school, just that she couldn't be arsed, couldn't get it first time so lost interest. They worked at it a bit in nursery, just cutting up magazine, the fronts of Christmas cards. She did a bit at home and tbh it just appears to have clicked with her.

I think that they change massively between 4-5, my dd was 4 last April and she has come on in so so many ways in just the last 2 months. She had no real concentration and even since Christmas we are playing games etc.

She's fine, you will notice the differences really soon.

Stop worrying, otherwise you may make her a worrier too.

Iliveina, strangely it makes me happy that my post can be seen as a stealth boast as it means my daughter is doing well.

I have been rather worried. I have refrained from not talking with school mums on progress as just hearing tidbits of their conversation made me quite worried my daughter was behind. Also I searched on mumsnet (and internet) on what reception age kids could do and it seemed a lot more than my dc. With my dc being premature as well, I guess I was just concerned that bit more.

This thread has really helped me.

Needs to speak up more?! She's four fgs. She, and you, sound lovely. Cutting and sticking, not perfect? Again SHE'S FOUR!!

My 12 year old had a comment saying they would like to see her put her hand up more and it didn't bother me. She doesn't put her hand up as she did at her last school (is very bright) and was told, nastily, to let someone else answer. Put her right off.

It's well above the standard of many YR kids. Heck, my 4 y/o Aug born boy can't even hold a pen properly, but he's not at school yet because I delayed him. Some summer borns aren't ready to start school at barely 4: mine wasn't, yours clearly was.

Agree stealth boast.

BatteryOper, wise words there about making my dc a worrier too. You are right. I should stop! I think I have had enough reassurances now. My new year resolution is to stop worrying so much, stop comparing and enjoy my dc and be proud of what she is doing.

Thanks everyone!

I get your worry OP, because the first term to Christmas in reception is essentially establishing baseline assessments so the teacher knows where to pitch education for each learner. You can feel like your child should do X, because a box says they should do it between 40-60 months. Bollocks. They develop at individual rates, most of them within entirely normal parameters. We apply a 'one size fits all' to every school starter and wonder why parents drive themselves mad.

I have one child in school already. I'd say happiness is the best indicator of a successful all round education. Don't analyse the minutiae - whether she can read 25 words now will not indicate that she will be a rocket scientist or entirely unemployable later down the line. There is so much more to school than academia. It's where they learn about a life outside the home, another set of boundaries, friendships, the rules of social engagement, independence etc. Much more important at this stage to becoming a rounded individual than an instricate knowledge of digraphs.

I have one daughter who came out as below her age range pretty much across the board in her baseline assessments at Christmas when she was in reception. We had deliberately not front loaded academic education before school. She knew no letters and could neither read nor write nor reliably count. 12 months later she had the reading age of an 8/9 year old (if you believe all the bollocks about what should be attained and by when, which I personally don't). Learning is not linear.

I deferred my second child's reception start for 12 months because she was late August born. Best decision we ever made. So I get why you are worried more as your child can appear in some ways 'disadvantaged' in their cohort because they are a whole year younger than some, and you are therefore comparing them against kids who have a fifth more lifetime experience and maturity. I don't think you are being unreasonable to analyse, but please stop doing it because you'll drive yourself mad and it won't help your daughter. I'd advise you never ever ask anyone else about their child's progress - so you cannot compare - and let your very competent sounding daughter's outward demeanour be your barometer in future. She sounds ace.

Every year I have the same chat with teachers. Now Year 6
DD2 handwriting poor - I know
DS1 - concentration -poor - I know

DD2 handwriting improved massively on changing schools
DS1 - concentration improved when away from X and Y, placed near the front so he can HEAR.
Every sodding parents evening!!!

They always say something negative (DS school) and leaves a bad taste - well behaved, works hard, tries his best -liked by peers- lots of friends - good enough for me!!!

She sounds absolutely fine and on a par with DD and her peers in reception (at least half of whom are born between September and January).

She is happy and socially confident - that is so important! Well done!!

She is doing really well. I had an August child with hearing problems, low self esteem and shy I know where you are coming from.
Pud at has given some ideas that I was thinking about. Opportunities for fine motor skills to develop.i'll add a few more. Make biscuits mixing and rolling, cutting shapes. Make some bread rolls kneading the dough. Weaving cardboard loom and thread some pretty wool and fine ribbons to make a picture say of the sunset. Goop lots of fun. You need a tray or cake tin rectangular or square. Get a packet of cornflour and put about a third in add some water slowly. You can add colour with cake colourings. Great fun for fine motor and good for calming a child down too. The reading is fine she will sound words out for a while. If it is one you think she knows remind her that when she knows the word well she can just say it. Give her lots of opportunities to draw and paint. Take her to some art galleries lots are free. Don't do the whole gallery just a section of about 12-15 pictures is enough. Stop and talk to her about what is happening in the picture let her lead sometimes. This will develop her eye for composition and colour. Have a drink afterwards in you can and soak up the atmosphere. Take her to the ballet if you can Sleeping Beauty or The Nutcracker and she will delight in the costumes, scenery and dancing. I took my daughter to lots of things nd she was a delight. It helped her socialise too. Her confidence will grow.

OP, is that list you've reeled off linked to those umpteen targets reception children are now measures against in England? If so, please stop worrying. They're the latest set of arbitrary, ultra-prescriptive 'standards' set by a Government determined to prove the inadequacies of its predecessors.

If not, is it important to you that your child is gifted, in the academic sense? Because she sounds as if she's doing perfectly fine to me. Try to relax with your expectations. With your encouragement, which she clearly has, she has everything going for her to succeed.

Meant kindly - you are over-monitoring! I say this as parent of SN son, picked it up and started diagnostic process about the age of your DD so I am not a slacker / don't-worry parent. But you just sound a little over-involved in the details. Pace yourself! She's only in reception, you've got a long way to go!

Inlovewithhubby, what a brilliant post which gave me a lot of food for thought. You are right in what you say, especially in that the minutiae of academia is not what school is about. Learning is definitely not linear either.

If your username reflects your state of mind, your hubby is a lucky man.

Watcher, thanks for the encouraging words!
Ditsy, some lovely ideas there which I am going to try out. I am going to enjoy doing those as much as dc!

Jennifer, the list in my OP was taken from the list of targets the goverment prescribes. I am not keen that my dc has to be gifted academically. I want her to do as well as her age range requirement. Don't want her to fall behind. Again, thanks for your encouraging words. Had me in tears.

I have always felt guilty for giving birth prematurely (very illogical thinking, I know but the guilt is there all the same). I have put a lot of demons to rest now, but for a long time I thought that I shouldn't have worked through my pregnancy, should have taken better care, shouldn't gave exercised, etc. Even when the doctors said that there was no reason why she was premature, I felt guilty that I had denied her a normal start to her life and things that should have come easily for her like breathing, drinking milk etc had to be aided and then a lot of support to reach her milestones.

I feel happy now that I can put the guilt to rest.

My ds year 1 gets letter, number upside down, flipped over.... Don't worry, did they say it was a concern or rather just something to work on. All children need targets

Glad you liked them. She will be a delight to you and yes you will enjoy it as much as her. Just watching her face as she discovers these things will be a joy. I remember my little girl after a gap and three sons who I nearly lost at birth. Quite different to my lovely sons and I treasured her.

It might be worth having a short counselling session about the birth. These problems are not always discussed afterwards but can be traumatic for the mum. Enjoy her!

Winston's Wish was the one I was thinking of. There are others some have counsellors in the area and will come into school or work at home with the child for several sessions.
Yes, ring school. You don't have to explain just say there has been a bereavement in the family. Keep it short until you feel ready to offer more. Staff are very supportive.

Stealth accusations are a bit harsh.
Who on earth didn't worry about their kid in reception year?
Even more so when the child is one of the younger ones... Even more so if they were born prematurely.
It's what mums do!