Re conflicting advice about toilet training

[yorkshapudding]

We're about to start potty training DD (2) and all the conflicting advice I'm getting is starting to do my head in. AIBU to be utterly confused and to not have a clue where to start because everything I read, research online and am told by other people contradicts each other? I'm starting to think I must be completely lacking in Mother's intuition and that everyone else just instinctively knows what to do.

Nursery have specifically requested that we send her in pull ups until toilet training is established but i've been told by relatives, friends etc. that pull ups are the devil and that she will still be wet in the day at age four if I use them even occasionally.

At a recent toddler group I was advised to buy several potty's and place one in every room of the house. Then (during the same group) another Mum was very insistent that potty's are "old-hat" and "everyone" goes straight to putting them on the toilet now. She seemed shocked that I didn't know this, despite DD being my first.

I have read that reward charts are a "life saver" for potty training but also that they are completely ineffective and should be avoided as they are a form of "bribery" and "send the wrong message".

I've read that I should go cold turkey on nappies and put her straight into pants as it's a good thing if they wee in their pants and feel a bit uncomfortable as it will encourage them to go in the potty next time. I have also read that this is "cruel" and an example of "negative reinforcement" which will traumatise her for life so I should continue to use a nappy but just take it off and put her on the potty at regular intervals.

I've been told to stay at home for the first 3-4 days but also that this is "the worst thing you can do" as DD needs to understand she can use the potty/toilet anywhere.

As if the prospect of embarking on this joyous milestone in a house that has cream carpets throughout (not our choice, recently moved in) wasn't anxiety provoking enough! I realise that every child is different so people will have different advice based on what worked for them but all this conflicting information is making my head spin!

Tell me it'll be OK, lie if you have to

ItsaNewDay

You have actually. Mostly because so many of you have admitted that you didn't have a clue what you were doing either and just got there through trial and error! Most of the people I've spoken to about this IRL talk with such authority, as though their way is the only way. I think that's what was really stressing me out.

Glad to hear so many of you found pull ups a help rather than a hinderence, I feel suitably reassured that wearing them for a couple of 1/2 day sessions a week at Nursery won't spoil all my efforts. Also relieved to hear that we don't necessarily have to bypass the potty and go straight to the toilet if DD isn't keen to do so.

OK, so I'm going to give it a go. We went out today to choose some "big girl pants" and a potty. DD was surprisingly excited about the whole idea and loved her new (Minion themed) pants so much that she actually insisted on taking a pair out of the packet and carrying them around town with her
Got some funny looks as you can imagine.

Yay! Go for it!
now make sure you have a stock of carrier bags, wipes, loo roll, and spare clothes and a potty in the car, under the pushchair, and in every room. Catch up with the laundry in readiness. Spare snowsuit and wellies cos a crapped in snowsuit takes ages to dry, likewise wee'd in wellies.

And the means of cleaning the accidents off the cream carpets. (the deodoriser they sell in the vets is pretty good).
Actually, make that a trip to ikea for loads of cheap washable rugs.

I've toilet trained two spawns. One quick, one a pain in the potty. Child three is just about four and not even remotely aware of the goings on in the pee/poo department. I must have been a pretty smug bitch in a past life.