Re conflicting advice about toilet training

[yorkshapudding]

We're about to start potty training DD (2) and all the conflicting advice I'm getting is starting to do my head in. AIBU to be utterly confused and to not have a clue where to start because everything I read, research online and am told by other people contradicts each other? I'm starting to think I must be completely lacking in Mother's intuition and that everyone else just instinctively knows what to do.

Nursery have specifically requested that we send her in pull ups until toilet training is established but i've been told by relatives, friends etc. that pull ups are the devil and that she will still be wet in the day at age four if I use them even occasionally.

At a recent toddler group I was advised to buy several potty's and place one in every room of the house. Then (during the same group) another Mum was very insistent that potty's are "old-hat" and "everyone" goes straight to putting them on the toilet now. She seemed shocked that I didn't know this, despite DD being my first.

I have read that reward charts are a "life saver" for potty training but also that they are completely ineffective and should be avoided as they are a form of "bribery" and "send the wrong message".

I've read that I should go cold turkey on nappies and put her straight into pants as it's a good thing if they wee in their pants and feel a bit uncomfortable as it will encourage them to go in the potty next time. I have also read that this is "cruel" and an example of "negative reinforcement" which will traumatise her for life so I should continue to use a nappy but just take it off and put her on the potty at regular intervals.

I've been told to stay at home for the first 3-4 days but also that this is "the worst thing you can do" as DD needs to understand she can use the potty/toilet anywhere.

As if the prospect of embarking on this joyous milestone in a house that has cream carpets throughout (not our choice, recently moved in) wasn't anxiety provoking enough! I realise that every child is different so people will have different advice based on what worked for them but all this conflicting information is making my head spin!

Tell me it'll be OK, lie if you have to

[alleypalley]

What's wrong with potty training at 2? My dd2 was potty trained before 2, she told us one day that she wanted to wear pants so we let her. We used reusable nappies though so she felt when she was wet and as mentioned above this apparently helps them to understand that they need the toilet.

OP, it sounds like your dd could be ready. Give it a try and see how you get on. You can always go back to nappies and try again later.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Read up and decide what you think will work best for your dd, there is no magic fits all way to do it. You might decide potty and change you mind on day 1 to use the toilet, you might decide joggers and then change to bare bum.

The only thing I'd say is have sometime off to commit to it so you both don't feel rushed. ds was 2 in a February and we waited until I had 10 days off at Easter to try.

Our nursery were brilliant after the 10 days as when he went back he was too busy playing to remember to go to loo and had a couple of accidents each day for a week or so and they changed him into spare clothes I provided.

[HSMMaCM]

She sounds like she's interested, so go for it. I have toilet trained dozens of children. The easiest ones are the ones who want to do it and use the toilet from day 1. Others need reminding, prefer the potty, get wees or poos right months before the other. It's fine to use pull ups (or just nappies taped up loosely), but some children get the message faster if they are in pants, or bare bottoms. Use the same kind of reward system that you use for anything else.

Good luck.

[Jesabel]

2 isn't considered early today! Far more children are trained at 2 than at 3. Delaying potty training is still less usual.

[redcaryellowcar]

It will be ok.

My experience was everyone was keen to get potty training as early as possible. (we used a potty not straight to toilet)
I think you do need to trust your instincts quite a bit and in my experience not expect to have cracked it in a week or a fortnight.
Ds started nursery at 3yrs old, so was pretty reliable by the time he went, but I can imagine it's tricky for nurseries to have lots of younger ones having lots of accidents, hence the request for pull ups.
I'm not sure there is a perfect solution and as you've already found plenty of conflicting advice.
I went to the library, borrowed around 3/4 books on potty training, they all had slightly different views and methods, but from that I formed a view if things we would try. It took more like a couple of months before I was confident in letting him tell me when he needed to go, but it wasn't horrific. Just stay calm and soon it will be a distant memory!

[Lurkedforever1]

It's contradictory cos all children, parents and homes/ routines are different.

Dd was just 2, never had pull ups and at first we used potties, which were always near by as she gave v little warning. And by a month after she was 2 we'd ditched nappies completely except for long journeys where we couldn't just stop with 5 minutes warning. Yes she had accidents, but no more than older toddlers.

That doesn't mean it is the superior method and age though, and certainly not that it's the only way. It was just the best way for her.

[MLGs]

Place marking as have been wondering how I will go about potty training DS (nearly 2). He is dc2 but have forgotten what I did with DD (now 7).

She was dry at night by 2.5 (dry in the day before that) but I know that doesn't mean DS will be same.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I had worked as a nanny and potty trained at least one child but when I had my own I had no instincts . I put my two year old in pants and when he wet them I thought he wasn't ready . When we did start properly we made a sticker chart. He chose a toy for £5 from ELC and I put a picture of it at the end of the squares. He got a sticker and a chocolate button for every wee. Day three no more chocolate and he was using the loo. I had a travel potty and he could use the home one but I didn't want the toilet to be scary so went on to it quite quick with a child seat and stool.

With child 2 she was ready at 17 months but I missed all the signs (thought too young plus I was pregnant) so it took 2-3 attempts but that was my fault, not hers.

Can't remember child 3 but it was painless.

I bought a mix of character pants and plain and I would advise you to buy more than you think you will need. You can easily go through five pairs a day and sometimes if they poo in them life is too short to scrap it out.

I think I used pull ups but not sure as we used washable nappies so may have been more for emergencies.

Their day time dryness had absolutely no bearing on when they were dry at night as you can't train that.

[Lariflete]

Just go with what works for you!
What worked for us was setting aside a week to just do it - no outdoor activities planned, one potty downstairs, one upstairs. I would ask DD / DS every 15 minutes (I set an alarm, otherwise I would forget) to try and if they did anything in the potty they got a chocolate button.
We never put them into pull ups / nappies except at bedtime / naptime, however we used incontinence pads (the sort you lay in a bed, not in the pants) in buggies / car seats for the first few weeks until they got the hang of holding it as cleaning those is a nightmare.
Your DD sounds like she is more than ready though, so hopefully will be very quick. Just do what works for you, because it doesn't matter how she gets trained!

[Lariflete]

Oh yeah, I will second goingtobeawesome with life being too short to scrape poo out of pants!!

[Cheby]

Just give it a go OP. You know what your child is like so you know what is likely to work for them. Reward charts aren't something we do so we didn't consider it, but DD loves stories so we got 4 or 5 potty training books and read them for a few weeks at bedtime before hand.

Don't put any pressure on yourself or your DC. It'll be obvious within a few days whether it's working or not, if not just go back to nappies and try again in a few months.

We tried at just turned 2 (family pressure, I wasn't sure she was ready tbh), went well at home, but got progressively worse at nursery and she wasn't confident enough to ask to go when she needed it, plus too distracted playing. So we gave in and went back to nappies. Kept the potties around the house and kept the books in the general mix of bedtime stories.

Tried again 4 months later, it was a complete disaster, lots of accidents, so gave in after 3 days (stopped on a Sunday).

Then the Thursday of that week she asked to go on the potty at nursery, obviously got loads of praise when she did a wee, then was basically trained from that point on! We were away and on days out all of that weekend but given she had shown such a strong cue we had to follow her lead. Took a potty everywhere with us and lots of spare clothes, but we didn't really need them. Also put a puppy training pad in the car seat because you can't always stop when driving and cleaning the seat is such a pain, but we have had very few accidents and it's been very low hassle.

She found poos harder, took her another month or so to really click with that (but I can usually spot the expression on her face and get her to a potty even if she says she doesn't need to go so we didn't have too many accidents there either).

[ItsANewDayToday]

It sounds like it's worth giving it a try. It's brilliant when they are nappy free, I can't understand why people seem to leave it so late these days.
I didn't do stickers, I did do potties, I tried to go cold turkey on nappies (timed it for a time when we could stay home for a good while). I used to give them loads and loads to drink so they pee'd a lot so they had plenty of practice of knowing the feeling of needing a pee.
Mine were all about 2 and a half give or take a few months. 1 out of 4 was more stubborn and was nearly 3. Some kids can't be potty trained early though as they physically can't so you can't have hard and fast rules. Mine didn't have accidents after they were potty trained fortunately.

[ItsANewDayToday]

I think you can leave it too late as well as trying too early.

Kids love it when they are free of nappies. Think how much comfier it must be.

[HackerFucker22]

Don't put yourself through the stress, angst, upset and mess unless you are sure DD is ready.

We did a few days of bare bum in the summer (dc was 2.6) and he pissed everywhere. Didn't make it to the toilet once we also had pottys but he has never had any interest in them
After 3 days of this we stopped as he clearly wasn't ready. Did the same again at 2.9 and same happened. I was incredibly stressed as dc was due to start nursery immediately after 3rd birthday and the preschool had a dry policy.

Tried again a month later, had an awful first day and I was so tempted to go back to nappies but lo and behind second day dc actually started to use toilet.

We still aren't great with number 2's and we are not dry at night but 2 months in we are completely dry in daytime [barring a few accidents]

My advice is see what suits your child. She may prefer a potty or she may need to be bare bummed or she may need a sticker chart. Maybe give her some options and see what she prefers before you commence the actual training? My dc would follow us to the loo and had zero interest in pottys. He also didn't like the restriction of pants. So we decided to go straight for toilet but had pottys around just Incase.

The only "rule" I stuck by was choosing my method [bare bottom and toilet with step and child seat] and giving it 3 days... If dc was still pissing everywhere after 3 days I stopped and tried again a month or later. Had we not had the whole 'starting nursery and needing to be dry' hanging over us, I wouldn't have even tried to toilet train as soon as I did

[DisappointedOne]

We still aren't great with number 2's and we are not dry at night but 2 months in we are completely dry in daytime [barring a few accidents]

So not really trained at all then!

[Ratbagcatbag]

I will say my dd at 2.5 was doing what yours was, we thought bingo, we'll do it now. It was a disaster, wouldn't go, wouldn't stop playing to go etc. we stopped and went back to nappies. Two months later, the childminder said we should try again, we did, it was perfect. She's now 2yr 9 months and has trained brilliantly, only one accident. She's even dry through the night or wakes us for a wee. We plan to use the last of the pyjama nappies this week and try her without at night as well.
We only have an upstairs toilet, so we keep a potty downstairs. Get flushable toilet wipes. And a pottette for the car. Take nappy bags for dirty clothes and buy lots of pants from primark. The accident we had was a pooey one. I just binned them.

Good luck.

[Phineyj]

This is good - goes through the 4 main approaches in a neutral way:
www.amazon.co.uk/Potty-Training-Bible-Jo-Wiltshire/dp/1905410646/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451842812&sr=8-1&keywords=Potty%20training%20bible&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

These I saw recommended on here and they are a good halfway house - contain a poo but washable. Girl pants contain nothing!
www.amazon.co.uk/bambino-mio-training-pants/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Abambino%20mio%20training%20pants&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

IKEA potties are excellent - they have a lift off part so you or DC can pour wee into the toilet easily.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/60193128/

Good luck and don't stress. Avoid anyone dogmatic on this subject. We did what worked - long commutes here so we used pull ups for ages as didn't want wee over the car!

[KatharinaRosalie]

DS showed no signs of readiness whatsoever and was trained in a few days just before he was 2, so no I personally cannot confirm all those scare stories about bladder not able to handle it and whatnot.

No charts, no potties - we just let him run around without pants and if he weed on the floor, said that no, we go to toilet for this. Praised when he did it in the toilet. Was way easier than I expected.

[ItsANewDayToday]

I think it's more to do with the parents showing signs of wanting to potty train rather than the DC. I potty trained my DC to suit my schedule not based on 'signs'. Beginning of the summer holidays worked for us.

[BertieBotts]

There definitely aren't any rules except for don't punish them for accidents. Other than that, try anything and everything and if something seems to work, stick with it! Don't worry.

[BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep]

how do you want to potty train?

children are ready when they are ready. before they are ready you will get some sucess with accidents, depending on how ready they are and how good you are at working out their routine.

has you dd shown any signs of being ready. I knew a one year old who tried for themselves copying big sister and was pretty successful, and other children who have not been ready until late three.



there is not a correct way to potty train. there will be a way that works for you both. find that and you are laughing.

[Mistigri]

I think there are probably many equally good ways of getting them trained, and which is best depends on the child and on your approach to parenting.

With my oldest we started training just before age two using the traditional "stay at home and follow around with potty" approach. It worked within 2-3 days but was a bit tedious during that time, and I was glad to have tiled floors.

With my second we did it completely differently - I put him on the potty after meals from about 12 months and bribed him with a story or a toy to stay there for a few minutes. Sometimes he'd "produce" something, other times not, but gradually he got the idea and by 18 months he was pretty much completely trained. He was in pull-ups right up until he was completely dry, so they don't necessarily inhibit training!

I think the notion of readiness is completely overrated - my DS showed none of the signs of "readiness" that are commonly quoted, yet he was out of nappies very early.

I don't think it matters whether you use potty or toilet - my dd was intimidated by the idea of sitting on a toilet so she used a potty for quite a while, but ds preferred the toilet (second child so imitation no doubt played a role, and he had a fascination for other people's loos so we spent a lot of time visiting bathrooms lol).

[Addictedtocustardcreams]

I think as others have said there is no right way. I read the Gina ford potty training in a week book & decided I would do that. My mum came up to help (as also had a 2 month old) & it was a total disaster! i still thought she seemed ready (although I am sure others on here would have disagreed) so I put her in a pull up & took a more gradual approach & over the next two weeks she got it. So if whatever you do doesn't work you can try again! Basically don't panic!

[ItsANewDayToday]

So OP you started this thread as you were confused and had received lots of contradictory advice..

...have we helped

[Crystaltips68]

Hi Yorksha, I too was worried about knowing when the right time for my dd to start using the potty. She was also showing signs of readiness. In the end the following worked for us-
princess Polly potty book. My dd would read this when she sat on the potty and press the cheering button after she went to the toilet.
Travel potty at home- colour chosen by dd. This also comes with a little story book.
Big girls pants also chosen by dd. These are a bit thicker then normal pants(toweling I think). Although they dont stop a full wee, they catch a few drips and are handy for when they can recognise the sensation at bit better.
Try not to stress. If it doesn't work the first time, give it a couple of months and then try again. All children are different and so will be ready at different times.
Oh and our dd sat on the potty with her princess Polly book as soon as she got out of bed. After a couple of days she would sit on it by herself. I would know she had done a wee when I could hear cheering😊.