To think that my break-up belongs to me!

[Teaandcakeat8]

I’ve just split up with my now ex DP of 18 months (on Xmas eve). There was nothing huge that caused the break up but neither of us were really happy and I didn't feel a physical connection for him. When we started talking about how the year had been and were honest with each other and ourselves, we admitted it’s been this way for over a year now and worse since we moved in together. We’re only in our mid twenties and thought being in a just-ok relationship wasn’t how we wanted to be forever.

I understand it came as a shock to my parents as there was no huge bust up and neither party was really at fault. However ever since we broke up, I feel that they’ve been massively overreacting and making me feel like I did the wrong thing. First I had ‘ruined Christmas’, then every time I cried (it’s still sad even though it’s for the best) my DM would cry too and then my DF would get angry that I upset her. The other night I overheard them saying they were disappointed as they liked him and thought they would be getting grand children soon! We went to my GP’s and they still were in the kitchen saying how upset they were when they thought I was out of earshot.

AIBU to think that this is my break up and not theirs?

It's just it's the wrong way round, it's ok that your parents are sad about something bad happening in your life, but in normal families, they would prioritise making the adult dc who was going through a trauma feel better, rather than expect the adult dc to prioritise their parents feelings about something that's happening to them.

The primary person needing support is the op, she's lost an actual relationship, not the ops parents who have lost an imaginary grandchild.

Yanbu and they have gone over the top.

But I do think that it does impact them.

Yes when you are sad they should be strong to support you. But parents aren't perfect and sometimes they get upset when their kids are.

Possibly you dad is annoyed that both you and your mum are upset over Christmas and it's put a downer on it. The timing can't be helped and it's unreasonable of them, but we are all unreasonable from time to time.

As an aside my mum would cry if dbro moved back home.....but that's because it took long enough to get him out in the first place

I agree completely with this. You cannot look after a child be with them day after day as they grow up and then go , aw well never mind. Your mum sounds like a caring mum and I expect she is very upset especially as she liked him. She probably feels abit bereft at the moment. I know you are upset too an d I think things always seem magnified at Christmas. Give it a couple of weeks into the new year and sit down and explain to her why the relationship broke up. Melts of posters on here will say , it's none of her business. However if you let her know the truth of how unhappy you was and it was going nowhere I am sure she will just hug you and help you move on.

I haven't moved back in with them.
I've been staying over the Christmas period as all original plans involved ex-DP. I volunteered to go and stay with a friend and this made them even more upset! I will be leaving today.

They will be upset when you go home. It so totally understandable they wer just excited that's all to have you both at Christmas and this has just come as a bit of a shock. I am sure after time they will feel a lot better.

"I don't think they miss him so much, they seem more upset that I'm upset!!"

Why does that surprise you?

My dds are 25 and 22. If they are very upset about something it affects me too and their Dad.

Although I certainly would tell them they had "ruined Xmas"!